我站在門前許久,才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。307Please respect copyright.PENANAleXvsnSwX4
307Please respect copyright.PENANArtodGi9tCC
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。307Please respect copyright.PENANAIg0xbzFaGP
307Please respect copyright.PENANAeCKzPbDMr3
「請問,這是英傑的家嗎?」307Please respect copyright.PENANAWkBjwnHsDu
307Please respect copyright.PENANAKqIgb0BL3b
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。307Please respect copyright.PENANAT0ASY2Fg75
307Please respect copyright.PENANAp0y7ir0pXs
「妳是…?」307Please respect copyright.PENANA8vceBgRPyR
307Please respect copyright.PENANAGcg3ByB1o5
「我是英傑的朋友,因為我一直聯絡不到他,所以…」307Please respect copyright.PENANAQxHMAjqOX4
307Please respect copyright.PENANARmCv2Cd0zP
「妳找錯間了,這裡沒這個人!」她揮揮手,避開我的眼神。307Please respect copyright.PENANAGhmGWnwOcj
307Please respect copyright.PENANAbD0Hi0iEB5
「我知道他被通緝!」在她準備關上裡面的木門前,我急著大喊。307Please respect copyright.PENANAFlkMwoS1i6
307Please respect copyright.PENANAYn56rdTKPF
婦人停下動作,又把木門拉開了些。307Please respect copyright.PENANAcWsKKoZcYy
307Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8nQgfPJAJ
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面,可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。307Please respect copyright.PENANAj6C1MSTqaT
307Please respect copyright.PENANA6hz2ttfJLy
「妳是他女朋友?」307Please respect copyright.PENANA2GUrtwerMe
307Please respect copyright.PENANAr51P3bxE48
「不是,我不是,我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。307Please respect copyright.PENANAYbKqIW6TAR
307Please respect copyright.PENANA07WBWeQsq8
307Please respect copyright.PENANAlxOx52tux7
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」307Please respect copyright.PENANA71tsajZGi5
307Please respect copyright.PENANAntDtCbvDx6
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著,語氣平淡得不可思議。307Please respect copyright.PENANAbkC620BYhU
307Please respect copyright.PENANAv99sCxEZtz
我一時語塞,沒能回話。307Please respect copyright.PENANAcFpk0IYz6a
307Please respect copyright.PENANAPe2NKKG8Qr
「讓妳跑一趟,歹勢,英傑不在這裡,我也不知道他在哪裡。」307Please respect copyright.PENANAj7lwdMo7LB
307Please respect copyright.PENANAjaffwjXcr2
「那個…那,我可以留下我的手機,如果他有跟你們聯絡,請他跟我聯絡好嗎?」307Please respect copyright.PENANA5a3D81hBLB
307Please respect copyright.PENANATQrj3UuEag
婦人一臉不耐煩,我很尷尬,但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門,交到婦人手裡。307Please respect copyright.PENANA3Ier6tQiC8
307Please respect copyright.PENANAKLPSgmN3g7
「小姐貴姓?」307Please respect copyright.PENANAtaDcPt0SeC
307Please respect copyright.PENANAJz08Oe0hhE
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。307Please respect copyright.PENANAjZ1qN4uYEM
307Please respect copyright.PENANAod2IanNhsk
「………」婦人突然噤了聲,透過鐵門盯著我。307Please respect copyright.PENANAbYciCf0a74
307Please respect copyright.PENANA7aRe5hTCWb
「糟。」我心想。307Please respect copyright.PENANABe4aizeXeA
307Please respect copyright.PENANAunbT9oqtOx
她隨即關上木門。307Please respect copyright.PENANAnKIvo9ic5r
307Please respect copyright.PENANABLxm1KLduB
「她知道我是誰了。」307Please respect copyright.PENANAePGPnXRw3S
307Please respect copyright.PENANAo4c6d90s12
我當下便明白,不管英傑有沒有回到這裡,我都無法得知了。307Please respect copyright.PENANATrn09UQ0ze
307Please respect copyright.PENANAf0ld1f5Nx9
307Please respect copyright.PENANA4ScdG0WDfM
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。307Please respect copyright.PENANAqszLYL7RQz
307Please respect copyright.PENANACCeVqakVdF
我不敢換手機號碼,睡覺時也不關機,就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。307Please respect copyright.PENANAAl4UhNFDDY
307Please respect copyright.PENANA07vl6LsZ42
就這樣升上了高中二年級,307Please respect copyright.PENANAVSKVNDqSlf
307Please respect copyright.PENANA3t8ZSyFnXo
迎來了人生的轉折。307Please respect copyright.PENANAsBivzCc0iv
307Please respect copyright.PENANAZc7xutH7Q9
307Please respect copyright.PENANAhBOmCCYcrO
父母親早在我國小時就已離異,但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開,便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大,幾乎是要什麼有什麼,生性霸道且極端任性,父親一生風流,基於愧疚或父愛,總寵著我,比起成天碎碎念的母親,我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。307Please respect copyright.PENANA4GvNSw7atN
307Please respect copyright.PENANADToLnY3ILM
在高二那一年,父親生意失利,經營的公司惡性倒閉,再加上「賭」及「面子」,父親找上了地下錢莊。307Please respect copyright.PENANAxoairkb5Is
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。307Please respect copyright.PENANAiVlLhG7DNS
307Please respect copyright.PENANAAiHDmT69Vw
當我放學回家,看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼,我還沒能反應過來。307Please respect copyright.PENANAxD08zRjtrq
307Please respect copyright.PENANALJwZ11dSe3
「都已經離婚了,為什麼還這樣拖累我!」
母親氣得哭了。307Please respect copyright.PENANAuujWnTF0kB
307Please respect copyright.PENANAFACnQHeL5O
某天晚上,母親進來房間,告訴我,房子要賣掉了。307Please respect copyright.PENANANMIHfG7sSa
307Please respect copyright.PENANAfR2TQ9SXpr
他們離婚後,所買的房子仍是共有財產,父親要把房子賣掉,才能償還債務。307Please respect copyright.PENANAIL5C4PK2oe
307Please respect copyright.PENANALGQyKYDsYu
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重,跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家,就因為你,所以我的家就要這樣沒了!」307Please respect copyright.PENANAHRAHKuHJPO
307Please respect copyright.PENANAkFMMRQEW9z
「那妳要我死是不是!」爸爸第一次吼我。307Please respect copyright.PENANAFqWFhXoJYl
307Please respect copyright.PENANAHtMqh1OldY
「我沒錢,地下錢莊說要砍我手腳,我讓他砍是不是!」307Please respect copyright.PENANAOajoy6YPVd
307Please respect copyright.PENANApFgmgGJCAm
我嚇到了,沒能反駁。307Please respect copyright.PENANA6rOnRWwFDK
307Please respect copyright.PENANAmOIUrU2J54
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友,那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的,所以他要搬出去,妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡,不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。307Please respect copyright.PENANAIeVAtX1lHX
307Please respect copyright.PENANAUMLWZCoqV8
我沒說話,看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親,便逕自走回房間。307Please respect copyright.PENANAYbXP1zTwg3
307Please respect copyright.PENANALc5oSTFJLJ
回到房間,想起國小五年級那天,母親到安親班接我和弟弟,把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了,妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權,弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳,妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開,所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔!」307Please respect copyright.PENANAZUFzYX3gw9
307Please respect copyright.PENANABqVS4hFUls
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。307Please respect copyright.PENANAUFFDV5rV4c
307Please respect copyright.PENANAwR2acujI9J
我不能接受的,其實是家的破碎。307Please respect copyright.PENANAzPW1OgzgDV
307Please respect copyright.PENANAvuke2TCnpU
因為一直都住在一起,所以沒有分離的感覺。307Please respect copyright.PENANApzYNW58tXL
307Please respect copyright.PENANAJmk0E2dDn5
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子,他弟弟出生後,就被虐待又被冷落,所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後,完全沒有再過問他們的生活,也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。307Please respect copyright.PENANAIib3VU8Dy7
307Please respect copyright.PENANAZDhZof0jVL
「妳不要管我,反正我的監護權又不是妳!」
「是妳自己不要我的!」
某次和母親吵架,我說了這樣的話,害母親哭了整晚。307Please respect copyright.PENANAltRL9ivZaJ
307Please respect copyright.PENANA9BsoNArqXj
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。307Please respect copyright.PENANADfesn2UQ8u
307Please respect copyright.PENANAl4qIlHiAKl
「小姐貴姓?」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神,帶了驚訝及恨意。307Please respect copyright.PENANAcgleQlckfF
307Please respect copyright.PENANAu5MAqzKy8e
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運,其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳,妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字,看起來多麼傷心。307Please respect copyright.PENANAiQyGIIKk5Y
307Please respect copyright.PENANAoDdNLEwQ8p
307Please respect copyright.PENANAcS7c5kg6RN
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。307Please respect copyright.PENANAwt3nUQJSTG
307Please respect copyright.PENANAlgazOeJ22l
307Please respect copyright.PENANAgOYtM8p8nR
媽媽睡了之後,我走到客廳,父親盯著電視,卻兩眼無神。307Please respect copyright.PENANAv9E4R05clf
307Please respect copyright.PENANAxBAtU5gWSh
「爸爸。」我喊他。307Please respect copyright.PENANA29CglkWKDY
307Please respect copyright.PENANAv7fEjPU1H1
父親抬頭看我。307Please respect copyright.PENANADMqJiVutq1
307Please respect copyright.PENANAlFQRuufbDJ
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡?」307Please respect copyright.PENANAThC2SPCrkE
307Please respect copyright.PENANAKyzdbfK9k3
「我不知道。」307Please respect copyright.PENANAnW6QHbtSG4
307Please respect copyright.PENANAo2OBAG3i29
307Please respect copyright.PENANAd01YGvvmPW
「我和你一起搬走。」307Please respect copyright.PENANAjXs9P5MVzu
307Please respect copyright.PENANAGVestpfZS6
我說出這句話的時候,爸爸一臉驚訝。307Please respect copyright.PENANAbn2f785Onw
307Please respect copyright.PENANAOgIvfvg0eH
「真的嗎?」307Please respect copyright.PENANAgFfXleNbDl
307Please respect copyright.PENANABC4stkOteu
「嗯。」307Please respect copyright.PENANApYBizVgzGB
307Please respect copyright.PENANANN9jeo44bF
「…好啊。」307Please respect copyright.PENANACjnzGWS4Ow
307Please respect copyright.PENANAzR1bJIj1sX
「那我去睡了,爸爸晚安。」307Please respect copyright.PENANA8X6yGipfis
307Please respect copyright.PENANA6s7PTWw2mo
307Please respect copyright.PENANARAr7qYp3Pz
那時,我只想著,父親一旦離開了,我可能再也見不到他。307Please respect copyright.PENANAECRmTV8Bg4
307Please respect copyright.PENANAouwA3rllyu
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親,他仍是我的父親,從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。307Please respect copyright.PENANAZb1nWgLyxN
307Please respect copyright.PENANAYcAtFlX2ph
隔天,我便自己出門找房子。307Please respect copyright.PENANAhAEmpn1Npf
307Please respect copyright.PENANAWMxQ3m8G8T
母親雖然擔心又不捨,但沒能阻止我的任性與固執,就還是陪著我找房子。307Please respect copyright.PENANASRsu8lJp3p
307Please respect copyright.PENANAXDo7dmvYNL
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處,因為我當時尚未成年,還是請父親來和房東簽合約,之後,我自己忙搬家,請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙,把所有的家具都搬到新住處。307Please respect copyright.PENANAkWNwQXy4l4
307Please respect copyright.PENANAe22BMsKvBR
307Please respect copyright.PENANAgpbcPf8eDC
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非,我們搬家後沒多久,又有新的債主找上門。307Please respect copyright.PENANAd9U0HblaPo
307Please respect copyright.PENANA0yH7gRaTh7
那天,黑兔子(忘記她的人請往前看系列文)趁著假日到家裡玩,我們在房間聊天,父親在客廳看電視。307Please respect copyright.PENANApa8SfuEggc
307Please respect copyright.PENANAb9Dn9THJ2U
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候,有人按電鈴。307Please respect copyright.PENANAqkoCrnWbYR
307Please respect copyright.PENANAOyrWMOxduE
按了好幾聲,父親卻不去應門。307Please respect copyright.PENANA9DGogZ8nv0
307Please respect copyright.PENANAo5Xd1pW8jv
我走到客廳,看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面,示意我不要出聲。307Please respect copyright.PENANAX6E702a6r4
307Please respect copyright.PENANAHupkjq3vlF
對方按了幾下電鈴,便開始撞門,接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。307Please respect copyright.PENANA0MBHBUQhRt
307Please respect copyright.PENANAQJHx4K6goF
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到,悄聲問我怎麼回事,我覺得很丟臉,但還是告訴她,門外的是父親的債主,我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧,才會待在門外不走。307Please respect copyright.PENANAHAb3ffiJie
307Please respect copyright.PENANAqDNTrmZcQv
直到傍晚,我才戰戰兢兢的開門,送黑兔子到公車站搭車。307Please respect copyright.PENANAjTMnbFrlJe
307Please respect copyright.PENANA4Ph0mApq8W
307Please respect copyright.PENANACZCuK0GcoG
那年發生的事情非常地多,我喜歡上了一個學長,但他卻用各種不同的方式,在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。307Please respect copyright.PENANAxPdgnGWtnW
307Please respect copyright.PENANAIlyIdBqVOQ
但那是另一個故事了。307Please respect copyright.PENANArHigtGz78X
307Please respect copyright.PENANAF3NON2lgsx
307Please respect copyright.PENANA91u7k31vJf
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。307Please respect copyright.PENANAFKSMDZPyTR
307Please respect copyright.PENANA09ntqZI94Z
我就讀的學校是私立職校,學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢,付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。307Please respect copyright.PENANAOn57vbCUeP
307Please respect copyright.PENANAoGDyNSdAR9
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口,像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。307Please respect copyright.PENANAVBIIr1KHk4
307Please respect copyright.PENANALunt8xi5s7
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯,但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心,又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。307Please respect copyright.PENANAqPM102N2FE
307Please respect copyright.PENANA6dQ2lOev0m
307Please respect copyright.PENANAhpDlxODmSY
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡,我很常想起英傑。307Please respect copyright.PENANAYmOLPE2UJA
307Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZXvbQjHyZ
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢?307Please respect copyright.PENANA3dDJI0VyjF
307Please respect copyright.PENANA2T7xma73wz
難道逃出台灣了嗎?307Please respect copyright.PENANACpXf591aCL
307Please respect copyright.PENANAdhxnqUEt1r
難道…真的死了嗎?307Please respect copyright.PENANAfC1CCMfReh
307Please respect copyright.PENANAStyAj1tSJs
307Please respect copyright.PENANAe3qz6Xiy3C
一天晚上,我帶著傷痕回家,在家門前,我把運動外套拉起,確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門,想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。307Please respect copyright.PENANAEZXwaktuBv
307Please respect copyright.PENANA2q3Kw1ZGH1
但父親不在家。307Please respect copyright.PENANAeFLCUDe02k
307Please respect copyright.PENANAlL0QMamnDj
撥了父親的電話,聽見那邊的麻將聲。307Please respect copyright.PENANA4qWmP0agEs
307Please respect copyright.PENANAbcgwVCQVhY
我對父親大吼,卻被掛電話。307Please respect copyright.PENANAfop7nSjCnM
307Please respect copyright.PENANAKmmibHn141
那一刻,我想著自己所做的一切。307Please respect copyright.PENANA9REmoTxO9p
307Please respect copyright.PENANAmyojiuXb26
「都是自己選的。」307Please respect copyright.PENANAhOLPfqoYV6
307Please respect copyright.PENANAHJw4P0Hqc4
「沒人逼妳,都是妳自己選的。」307Please respect copyright.PENANAOmyqjA30io
307Please respect copyright.PENANAz9zHR0HZ72
307Please respect copyright.PENANAlwZSpXggbP
307Please respect copyright.PENANANvHAR1vfPB
「乾脆,去死好了。」307Please respect copyright.PENANAR4o6vSqkAC
307Please respect copyright.PENANAhmayp83O9r
307Please respect copyright.PENANAMyxqkTnFpn
307Please respect copyright.PENANABhoT0xQOa5
待續。
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