我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCQhb9QKAv
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR62dZF7PLi
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdDPmdt26s
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfowhy2VUN0
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiStPSiO2az
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtu15cK8My
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSVEF2dJKR
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1V0Gv8W5w9
「妳是…？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUU1ECpTo4
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d1O1H82Cd
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLMTBNZjPy
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44zirluFpJ
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVRzF6qyYB
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAf60T6VTs
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTlSNUMjsP
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpc3uMwC9O
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCerEREcbVv
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVdIKtxtIv
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsP5hIpblT
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmWz1hylX4
「妳是他女朋友？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrXIAnKozr
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGdvIAL7HP
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1hJVo7O2F
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIHCXK75LI
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmuZc4q9a0
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuhbnGDzYr
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhiXUm0A5V
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzp6lmftaE
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjk0gedw0Ke
我一時語塞，沒能回話。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFdhscT8pT
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKqAoN2vyp
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmU3NwTjOZ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dDc1Y31s3
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMATanIgZ2
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmIJgFan2c
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbt65Fk73Z
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86tIIQixfg
「小姐貴姓？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGiQuI7ZdV
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALcBuOTVqD
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDCs6vGwQQ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fBTTJbgYK
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKNyTvOnlf
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYpdlXaA1v
「糟。」我心想。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6UjMOn2td
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKg3drTcfmD
她隨即關上木門。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvPzLcu3DZ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjALc8Z2P9J
「她知道我是誰了。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VIkHQMeat
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJwFVjG8eZ
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4CN95Fe3M
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HWCJmMPYC
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xGLBxKUdc
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCCWPZ9Hmx
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDzaOMIlE3
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTxSnNHYqw
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qn0lniWcK
就這樣升上了高中二年級，449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUwO3GC8AL
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoiLbMtcg9
迎來了人生的轉折。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aG4sLkYIu
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Kt7BjkzIr
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbxCe9TfKj
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZoMXB7rAL
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePEFTLqQXS
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklS5C7epWG
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EKMdTdd54
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7EkMN74jb
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGnHd4jQTF
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiGwciR8Ja
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCTltdGlkv
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpjJKVXgjO
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCPC4quvsN
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaNGMg3bzQ
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJl65qczXd3
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6JcQEvvh7
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurCIrZCQHj
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLE0finmtw
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO8p5KaPTf
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHyG2mb0XB
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXHeNDiEC7
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSI3J9taEQz
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKvkCTL6IT
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8KJWlwoCT
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcurJZUwdst
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJfw3BuwM7
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IvKoF7smn
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAuMvyus9M
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVDvQGdyOU
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczU7xuSdwU
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCm8WqOglY
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UiGXPgtvT
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ298xePh9KM
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sSinDsy26
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPpCMFit2G
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQliqrAihZI
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzgjyJ8cYt
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbCJ6VEOlp
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsWBruncXL
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOuhy1J8cS
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswVDGkyznq
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftIH5pbaJ2
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZYiTKMURQ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lLzE6x5Sr
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12VONsw3zr
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWCsGKJQyB
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaeg5oGFT7
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxywBXTZeI
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmIperltQH
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0Ge6rzcfM
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfH74gcKqNB
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLhqFMHt6w
「爸爸。」我喊他。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMReZIGXsOz
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FSnRRXBI9
父親抬頭看我。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1MApKeeTo
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRAbgu9Q6u
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ865sxaehpA
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMz7l5ILrHB
「我不知道。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwnGDIB8lE
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdnNJ6ZgPo
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mT77wA5LZ
「我和你一起搬走。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6dm1ucCk0
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEckskWwOD
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83Hs48pLP3
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjFfA1BrJg
「真的嗎？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWHlLkF01l
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGWWv4hIOc
「嗯。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xRn3mc329
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjpKiDLrAK
「…好啊。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE5SJkRUsi
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwIPDM3JaV
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8QSwGJ0z5
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3azToSIJe
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNwCi2q8CW
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWxA8N5EoT
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeI95G0WQOE
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR08LsDpJTP
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaU9GT3ENJ
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXcsbqHzMw
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaVLNrFemh
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADHcKm7Ah8
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBj1ii29dib
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGoTYLNEpa
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmXFaVfjHS
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLFJTpl4u7
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyQsr5teZf
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZTNkswZQS
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8l8DH0Vk7m
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2xojsdceN
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCZQPojXZV
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFiPjjYA13
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzawvCGPiMU
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq2ejVqnNs
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSpHAIqhBY
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5ZRHHMm5U
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpZwDPfNgX
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaE6dgCiagO
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQ2eX5y5fX
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGh9kLxJ55
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE2wMKr9h4
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqkbzAw3Kt
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhJKFr5JNb
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtTufINDPj
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8F61Eu8eI6
但那是另一個故事了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVghUaIi0at
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZG59OayOr
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwE92Q9QgW
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoVvmFpJ29
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjearMKYdQ
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZHS9Bq802
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnptyGIW069
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkMPxi6uOi
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMFwMrhxGL
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgI7zs8zJ5l
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MrDNQVWYg
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbR5uY0EBX
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsD3KOeWo9
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITwuwQOqCo
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHZJ0ZpGO5
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60xsgylQzE
難道逃出台灣了嗎？449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTTDte6Sxy
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AD8RnALrO
難道…真的死了嗎？449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeD57NBAZo
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7gSdG5n0B
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MiUZR4p6Z
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVP5GsKcO0
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHoAgCi3gU
但父親不在家。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCrU2xRjaQ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqHpSHTQbO
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4RNmy23dC
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGI33lgHS6
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQptSGvuS3
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf31399iJtx
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1Wn89IdlP
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh75Wi4YQhL
「都是自己選的。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCjqX4quF9
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDv4Squ0ubb
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9cTsFXEUp
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9h2LZ3v8x
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViCPJJ1Z9I
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n0CYirNxj
「乾脆，去死好了。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW8DJeCRvZ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhjQ6XZH8u
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSfdgoh89v
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHhreQDNjE
待續。
ns216.73.217.1da2
然後按「加至主畫面」