我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ExfAd3fXv
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh35nfkJeR
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKh4Ufisq1
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29CZi73boC
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6x4z1ccju
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDXFgdw1wJ
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAnFS3D69L
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjFGPhDno5
「妳是…？」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhU1oEQuW0b
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt86Ez9pTg
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLMdKmeGCF
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhDae0vtcR
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBKL5eL3O0
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLn3gJfgJkT
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNDpg77FHy
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYWSH5YjiI
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0xViKABdh
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGsM3OOMrp
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRKlkVYLvF
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PdaMDhARp
「妳是他女朋友？」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT1hl3K7Vr
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIMMBi8i1c
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFYuP3uAKD
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZh84Gw4kA
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWnXPe40Of
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnrVnboxBG
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE22tfcdzrT
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPLQaBXO83
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpZ2xkVb2x
我一時語塞，沒能回話。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dsOn6Qrmt
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVDDlwxNGN
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv49hU3QlU
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ162fcvLbSJ
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFjPT5gvPp
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkO3emHH4v9
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlu2hZBuTM
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuI10BbgNK5
「小姐貴姓？」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVttoeavBhP
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMne3Mh7zd
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIV89Jlszh
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S6DuOiBep
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla0cBCkEH7
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPKWl3dn4n
「糟。」我心想。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPQgyM8Oxw
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcP6v49rTun
她隨即關上木門。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThnuYLIUmE
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpGe6TzyWo
「她知道我是誰了。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JMnThst1z
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9T4H8SRA3
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYphUWB91e
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlG24YXdE2G
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoo34UTN7f
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8eiZbJLhy
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0ui4IZOm8
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JuBhY9wix
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoR3Ha5vBHi
就這樣升上了高中二年級，628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwwvX1EjDT
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpJ7YfxVvn
迎來了人生的轉折。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFD0RdaiKTm
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVFrp8ybiG
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsSKv4dctU
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwovlU5Ur6E
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqd6EzoqGt
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4555KdQUM4
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEt0Qj1lHV
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yo6VpQJag
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRur0umlVD
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaAAadXIjSw
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4elLawO0o
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPg2ZaMMroE
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiK7s3pF34R
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FNJH3A7yq
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS933yThENv
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NOZqqdLO3
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iOoGUCXoJ
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC6umWAH5t
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgty5pt8Wd0
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1dir3ayWQ
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPoQX7q0Of
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uLcDI4P86
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphfolZTJGX
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFOHm70fFX
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zShLK1fhx
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGGOht5Uay
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXc6OfylmK
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEhtNp8SAP
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMnX3Jfd8i
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraVVgLvi9d
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8CU5Cj4fN
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRByJtFGo4
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLqxegrLVx
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuORUclusx6
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKIxm0u8P1
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbm9Su86D3U
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUd1mPqweKl
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UPYbgmzq1
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQN2xPaZc1Q
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqMSkVjvCZ
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIusNgpQ16a
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxCjYo9mIT
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvfp3Tr2cW
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqW5OSUIuF
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgA45ABvtjQ
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZ1EJV1kvo
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vsALUBcZk
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJQiYLeBBe
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYavtAKFQeC
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhU4RhydIn
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBDkcqw6QWZ
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Dvkg35tgJ
「爸爸。」我喊他。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuozybuv6et
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAey4ti1hc
父親抬頭看我。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GzjRc2NTQ
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAI2ouYKC1
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwLWwQSlsD
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkphTunz8k
「我不知道。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXI0gkrQME
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dthxF3xiv
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUQY7R9LGH
「我和你一起搬走。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbVJOnUsJ1
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLAz3zNn4R
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5tjdm71NO
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDyr46OFp7
「真的嗎？」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrxnixLXuB
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFVEqKinjF
「嗯。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUqSgdq9d7
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnvt7wZIsa
「…好啊。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNsE4dquxv
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5fjE38BC2
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Vhd6wFSm0
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5vZTThVft
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSojdL19Ue
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndMI5aaaDE
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNk3rJJ8Ns
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOTmxBNFfw
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHxERWgkvW
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBQ0COz42f
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PXCT8Ioan
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2FbqINEME
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdinCS2gECb
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQhfgCi8X4
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqa7t9PTlAq
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY4TjQ2Tun
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglKsNjfogF
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoELRypUYwD
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SdYeKLP6X
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8ng3wPWgn
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsPW7EXtOS
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTY79YnzYf
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3ECbTJly8
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQjWwGyybr
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq840xizTNo
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdJlWxE8ce
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ps0ATB9cy
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEr0qHN2we
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1B4g9YgEhU
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJspGZb5xph
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKlMS4wVKS
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwuvs9lpHz
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayj9XuWxle
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6X4NVYQXDU
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOqyyUOzWh
但那是另一個故事了。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ClT3rgSM6
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2a8yrAMdjp
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgq9QR0yXMB
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1qDx2Nm1S
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMLK2ZDcP4
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVs7fmgMBt0
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwA8LKCDl1
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycrAyqUVOu
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgL8ENHXOfB
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZbXLAmnYv
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhFrQlXSih
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGvPzIyuBk
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaFYo9V1HY
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU11P6euWN
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy55ld0VnWj
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqcBOEPI8o
難道逃出台灣了嗎？628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwJbkdg51r
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEenjV33CGT
難道…真的死了嗎？628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCR0WD6r4bD
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQOXDr1z9Z
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrtWrtT9km
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLWE2JsuY1
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RwlcEB3qk
但父親不在家。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXsjernjYq
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOEntsQGJe
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXT0qYXP9o8
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cMOll3Z93
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIft3qErqpC
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiA3rXKxCH
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMW9dWWSXp9
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhfb0YwQvR
「都是自己選的。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IOi36kAQq
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgWd5dEV4x
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBRcDlAmKw
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KeJK26Meq
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6upvL6LyNN
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBDhc7GHcU
「乾脆，去死好了。」628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNjNgDlyFT
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2yJtcjQ45
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8tFKCT1e7
628Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrJHurpP7N
待續。
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