我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvgood6bhM
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXe11T0SF2
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn8iFXtkKW
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQap0t9J1p5
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMfwV9do7h
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyvpItxk5M
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57ibITbZQa
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIFl9oZuSj
「妳是…？」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUxef2a0ej
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9Jgn9ZSTQ
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3G7TF8UWQV
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuMB3VF3xK
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyn4b9rbK5
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L77IMVF6t
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVPjx7U6Uk
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡossn2H1Xpb
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLpc1qeFbx
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2dnZbE8RB
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHEwQuhLTa
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNECgjVWfa
「妳是他女朋友？」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrY1wdzS8yU
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PqM05zfg4
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxxCQmxcQF
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRMJl4eYQo
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfIbYujCBc
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdeonkAoDZ
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFl36i6G9L
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7JGrcqTuD
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4POlO7W9Yj
我一時語塞，沒能回話。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCR3pCMJv2
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPImXQLrJO
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAB3jTSBWYm
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡop7gerJfF9
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnanYems2n
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrpCzQHyLR
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUoinwngso
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqJCzExC4C
「小姐貴姓？」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHQsUqLigD
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExMf7UkSqY
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiNnAHTlAP
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjUq7d4FEj
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2NJo3uGmY
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zFIYfKwPG
「糟。」我心想。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡga6D5jmJwi
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX5z5MzTFR
她隨即關上木門。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjj6jXXnoeO
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyzOGZSLXw
「她知道我是誰了。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFeFdAlz5k
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVgZ8zojgw
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bdoZG7YqG
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevBQt4UHe1
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPGXgwKUdV
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2GTSTNIUz
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxL5u2a9Rou
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBPblZzIUe
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mQuLjMGlw
就這樣升上了高中二年級，430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HWzu8VHp5
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxMSQptlHh
迎來了人生的轉折。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iVuD4vdXJ
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwGd4K37TO
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzbSnyFFmn
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WtgJMXgm3
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTnsMyxTsS
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScRB9pHSZt
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpsDEkMsmo
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDblL10plL
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCbwTtHw5C
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtOdyGt6ty
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTja5AxuzB
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPybLvAfJSz
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6f4Z6f6rc
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxLBItsMAP
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvus2NOjZZ3
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2Udf1wm4y
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03IOgF9P8n
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGbAWLDhR5
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tnbe3PckU
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqCACjF53c
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqYQbSIUw6
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gonBF8Xmi
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFS8SFhKjXu
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdiEj0gVge
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepxwRpBaVa
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YHBEdRfoa
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaqfbO7DHl
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehnOVU9VXt
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38yPLYFxqd
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcO275jEXa
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZsALL1yOx
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtKCij8QGd
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA8Odxoe3e
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtci7tjFbH
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwEQQgpWpE
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5f6mOCwZH
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLx8bv08Pwz
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL3AjYg7bz
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxbyhkmm9o
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx31mrrlxx
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcmZA8Fmcc
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSexNEkVDn
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo00nMliNJ
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWeJE9egvJ
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARSoKG3XVc
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLFDjPUOqe
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCaYgBtar6
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC9W6ORRpi
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXkkbt7KFT
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyeO68TDNP
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEMTwlSKpq
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivzDfGxQyY
「爸爸。」我喊他。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAvt4Q5uxS
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡss3eBDXmtH
父親抬頭看我。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ757fv8y1fb
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43lgx5YofF
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy46COxj4bk
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyXbEctCzh
「我不知道。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo89FLnB3Vg
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJfU9DQQrZ
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5y5JZjL28
「我和你一起搬走。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSzrSiyfOc
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIRcU07uJ5
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2MWLbVhoZ
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rRVpQG3Q6
「真的嗎？」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7x69MrHfh
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zt6AUJgRt
「嗯。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViRo95jXuC
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFf1LsgRits
「…好啊。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkEzoQzHlf
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PYL2V2HTT
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQO1HwfwhW
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUuqJDsT7x
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehBFFpjwEM
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGmKldJToF
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgmOW5xe4g
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgs4AaQ6SXT
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTOqSbHB2T
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7pjpjIY07
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYTp9LvK8o
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvBlGI2oVf
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZWQOM0Vru
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjruJ7SQMN
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AG4fqs7jN
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡit166YkjSw
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaYOSYngli
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGC44UjtTej
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKI9R0PL4H
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHK9XPUUON
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYbF9coCuf
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdetdcruWmP
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUe2x4pXUZ
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QPVGfh1i5
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVPCTTKyjK
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0ZRxB9eqq
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpF6cnkkU0
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMqcPBrHYO
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl96WWyQFbU
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFzGJu6Lbx
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqvW7dJhSn
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSx8QXjAMwF
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCdNWlLUE5
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxSLAxcwGq
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9m4mxenyZ
但那是另一個故事了。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAnwdCgS5I
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJZYfwb1oC
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTceysk8pO0
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjkYZppAKW
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcBiHshmOn
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2sTpJY5ze
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpW8UlOOjHr
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rgRKySDe4
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKdrzid1po
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesqgXPBHne
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ832kfUh1NO
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ118kc0EJjE
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDD5J38Cs3
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZutTKwf14
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLPoWXOvMa
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8JBXS7u0T
難道逃出台灣了嗎？430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiiTxqmgzq
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGavkO0279
難道…真的死了嗎？430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J6Zq3cVwN
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSFRKDJZT6
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡam9kC5A6UD
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNREIWrVMwj
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeojYdbubA
但父親不在家。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzenuaayZ9
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmppaHBTitY
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jf6fYsHe2
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JnfvsYd3A
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiGJrcrT0W
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ211bL32THH
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0IR3EkYe4
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7m8i5Oy52
「都是自己選的。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLeWLTu0jD
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttWcAj8YrT
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkVXAdvJcK
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS91A9904xW
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo45wl2vfPu
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdj2gMyDldh
「乾脆，去死好了。」430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxMKluMkWS
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRMLnNB5VS
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTpSUMxXkK
430Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUyQPRCSyv
待續。
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