我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrcyvGQcY3
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4b54xRdauF
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbhMeHSKvc
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoQ5SrtXWN
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ar7iFfiTE
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPEiNthsk4
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Q1TTMpfN5
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIT1oN6j0M6
「妳是…？」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLAkuhkno6
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IlvaGqbf0
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDec8nyfLl
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9T3bBoKi7
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TJwpDgSOH
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NgcowZ0bu
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LSnd34VrD
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSb6qB3uXFn
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLflceSZb7
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BlC8J23ab
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXewN9AGuz
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2EwAEwBf7
「妳是他女朋友？」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FGzrlNOGN
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmLdj7fVL0
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80iJhtTERs
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rBTioo0qU
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzkH2LvmKv
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7D9QdPX9oV
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoVf1klE1B
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWXv4CKTgI
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOpITFOC6h
我一時語塞，沒能回話。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37wkrWFctf
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9t2Wnmw6m8
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0S5rkabDf
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxj2gpDxt43
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdja9SdFAu
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEv2oamBuUC
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG2yCbFMmi
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9Z3PvCcLM
「小姐貴姓？」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUd6bPzwi9q
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbOAiBISXZ
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmyIQuDh1z
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEvhOMCdmQ
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICmvxpTv1r
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJu5Tcvg7ym
「糟。」我心想。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnxWZtgxwJ
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegcbQc16ox
她隨即關上木門。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofrotGfJpQ
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvC49UzR0NW
「她知道我是誰了。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iiEeMYFXb
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1R9kk4VSoR
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8c3GgREVB
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNwIUOt6s7
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAADNlohCpS
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJgbfek9dL
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAyDxykjeC
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa53plNMyHp
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1EkBhSbtL
就這樣升上了高中二年級，412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7sUQTGrn6
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs79deiaQ4S
迎來了人生的轉折。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLfaPHPFa4
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRjSnzOzBu
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMi5zGHTON
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8kS8iYmy7
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlw5Pu4ZASj
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAExPihxePE
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6vJ9GnLcT
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIn0yDsWflN
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl77QCqbD9
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOj8TTtmSN
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEV58M0ykd
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rmKj9qybU
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01qKQttFpP
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeTZbPTr97
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzcnRfYu8T
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcSSmbBngx
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwjN0RbTnl
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7twqjdgwLi
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxZerc0uQc
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbigM9Kw3Z
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdGDmcdU8Q
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wwWrNOVgh
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQKCOpY84d
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj177Bbkb3q
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6lWTB3Sli
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwr5wgAerjo
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtTxT2YjMd
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jShFZTWM8
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumeRahBwss
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkAvJBqH7p
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccH1h9r6He
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCACgdtJIO
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzEC3s3HnO
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibm6yvj4DH
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHTAP0dscj
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTJcRnqods
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tA78xzCfe
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2D7cRqCLoG
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCk2z8udbV
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFH0lwMEV1
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33hLworKKy
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnIZt0SsIW
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7pYgLHlnX
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPISR7xeWE
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvSZaDMUbI
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw6F2bO7AC
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw70n60nGGW
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3Wh8pfjGU
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvqkXenVwf
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjtPOugk70
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ113bOAXky
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AkzHKlHv2
「爸爸。」我喊他。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VwcFuztJf
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1XAkbMSOb
父親抬頭看我。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4OVcBZA9m
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdx4fqiW0S
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPvqTstVh2
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUatU24GOH
「我不知道。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDX01s1tkx
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey0YJ8wnU7
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7yvBfshOw
「我和你一起搬走。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yHBlTeF0g
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvSV4Es6KR
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7B0vCawtI
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN20K2ioHf
「真的嗎？」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtrGrRUyrJ
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilZ6Psvui1
「嗯。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8N29G4rCm
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQj4nWTNhuW
「…好啊。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJIkfaW7eX
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyMn2OAdDh
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFZPUbD1q9
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTgOFOQxuy
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvU0LbthzEa
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9FwEbIbCy
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHyOm5lJQj
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguotGk7yvu
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMAdsdKytH
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7j7O0UCog
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNJjNG2FX1
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPTI44jOo8
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLXwiwobWg
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkg5jo5rWk7
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6lJ62i09F
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbAkeKaNOH
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIKsLmPpLn
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKznnFmUfMQ
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nxAehUfHU
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklBvidloaS
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKMIAZym3G
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPncDPlKTNC
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDn9czEF1d
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1q9dzktrF
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aBSuAlHPg
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gVHPkrKYx
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRmehoOXEp
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQZEVZ9Who
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0ZJxbnO08
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEf6eUfN66
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKydVRVu7g
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGd1r7pqPW
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVYDDBs4BS
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TbmHlQCk8
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kJZx7jon9
但那是另一個故事了。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4ikr0bw3l
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HotyBrcdQ
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG6QmA6y6u
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLBWdxKy60
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkPEvvEW9P
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBXxrSarXu
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotfkAfXAXU
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4TDpQUIKV
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXIMZZhm2D
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWXLKpA8nA
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdSoWia7pa
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7s20aqGXx
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7PhZ4Qphv
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUClY4tosP
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrudfSHEUhV
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjDLLKJCz2
難道逃出台灣了嗎？412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdxidv0nTw
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqSjdAXBSz
難道…真的死了嗎？412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEN5bqFtHR
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZWa99qp8V
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ520JozCeMn
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzZ8gtbY9mT
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9Ddd6vuEi
但父親不在家。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcYZNPl0rC
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSRpwTgxqf
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoqFx02suA
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOFL0dBGY2
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKd220bbFBP
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmggQqqVzT
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9HkrMc2EF
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlPuyEyDAd
「都是自己選的。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTUcVijo5t
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcK5N8XLyI
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqQAncgzAM
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEhW85elpv
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZph19Rz9B
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uaRE9abJ1
「乾脆，去死好了。」412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhnD5EFhgw
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gQSDOYGDm
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45lPJwuRWg
412Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUKT6oRRZw
待續。
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