尋死的念頭一出現，我就被自己給嚇到了。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMgFGxiDAR
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74kWXkib5P
「妳瘋了嗎？」541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQudqcZ8hv
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdLZTbrS9o
腦裡出現兩個我，理性的那個正在發飆，狠狠咒罵另一個我。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwf0CSrggui
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4r3qWIUj5a
而被罵的那個我，只是一個勁兒地哭。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8p85cPRtD
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjpth6PoI8
我覺得自己隨時都會爆炸、衝動行事，便躲進被窩，用厚厚的被子蓋住全身，連頭都包在棉被裡，不讓任何光線進來。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCi27ieF8NB
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVyXAxIU7k
在充滿二氧化碳的被窩裡，我全身是汗，滿臉淚水。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHCVfE7Wit
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraZthbupQA
我側身把臉埋進枕頭，把尖叫送進布料與棉花裡。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PdsBTJmTz
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmhbHkzFEM
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAd0jdI2ea
我往自己的腳下看，有一片草原。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTqJpWnHRQ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNZncTkKMj
面前有一條石頭道路，盡頭是顆大樹。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNfjGHcQbK
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhiWnm9sMOn
樹下站著一個人，太遠了，我看不清他的臉。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpve2p8Aa2
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8e7lioWRM
所以我走近，愈走愈近，直到我看清楚他是誰。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCgHMo3Jj0
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1QL8O5cfI
站在樹下的人是英傑。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegEz7aPsZS
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjQRHpW6zG
我跑向他，勾住他的手。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZqmYnI8nP
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6BUW6ecd3
他對我笑著，什麼話也沒說。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPneo8v1JR
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQ5nKzhu3f
我像是要把這些日子以來，所有發生的事情都告訴他，開始滔滔不絕地講。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFImpRRrUCH
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FNAJUT7lr
他陪著我走到我原本站的地方，就停下來。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QGFQsUkYK
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacyoGBZ2JA
我還在講，他轉頭看我，伸出手揉了我的頭，就像他每次做的那樣。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XolVqfDHJ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ILa6qTlwv
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchEmYp1Hen
我張開眼睛，才知道自己夢見英傑了。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWEO0wy9vz
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYx6AxpO2J5
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGih0TxPgXR
我開始懷疑起自己做這個夢的原因。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJBlINtpI7
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAfgxPkTf0
是太想念英傑了，還是壓力太大需要出口？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0gpxjKK5d
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQccEtdrC2
或是…他真的怎麼了，才到我夢裡來？541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xSe7XnKCM
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq09nd0bRKR
我心裡很害怕是後者，但我知道此時的自己無法找到真正的解答。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMGdxXHU3E
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuXN9lKCof
這個夢緩解了我的情緒，也瞬間恢復了大部分的理智。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83eFCpHCwx
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRRtwSq4mD
不管是什麼原因，都是英傑救了我。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMMQdZ1DhJ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZNVBSnn9G
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVJYkVHriP
我度過了心中的那個坎，日子雖然沒有改變，但我的心態改變了。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3OFAuWkuJ
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6p9atdyy4
「沒錯，都是我選的。所以，我要更努力才行。」541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5Je5cu4vS
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvrvQgAYV5
雖然，從那個時候開始，過了很長一段借貸的日子。人都說救急不救窮，但我很幸運，擁有很多好朋友，如果我開口，他們總是不說二話的就拿錢給我；就算我死愛面子不開口，他們也會一直逼問是不是沒錢用。我拿著跟朋友借來的錢，繳家裡的房租、水電費、瓦斯費…然後在假日另外打零工還錢。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrWdZ6jPMF
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSM1NfAYwY
高中的最後一個學期，我也差點因為沒能繳出學費而休學（當時已有就學貸款，但沒有考慮，只想著沒錢就去賺錢，別念書好了），但我那班不知該說是兄弟還是恩人的同學，硬是把一疊鈔票交到我手裡，要我慢慢還，要我和他們一起畢業。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3f1MjajTM
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuu4FrJnOnv
我沒參加考試，畢業後直接去找了工作。我還清了錢，卻欠了好多人情債。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLGg6MIisp
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYbfcdiCZ7
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfC1zWunoP
生活條件穩定之後，也談了戀愛，生活圈的人換了幾輪，越來越趨於穩定。
只是在我心底仍有一個空蕩的角落。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLWFgaWmW1
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CSgnpU9Sw
我還是沒有更換手機號碼，一直抱著小小的希望，541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bLRYWJG4K
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC7xsCUgUc
可我已在心裡默默地接受「英傑可能已經過世了」的事實。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaFpSiU0Y3
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxjHRhYccw
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHzSHsMb17
某天，我的皮夾不知在哪兒掉了，找也找不到。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsg5Xpr7b7p
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIcCOEUz22
我辦了卡片掛失，心裡希望有人撿到皮夾，會願意送還給我。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAof1Ku6780
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeQrwpMJG1
這時，我才想起皮夾裡有英傑的照片，也想起我們說好要另外拍照留存的事。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5OLolOADX
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AVdFRqx9Y
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTzHuxXN3T
我的皮夾沒回來，英傑唯一的照片也這麼沒了。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡca3z5i4u5I
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXM1VZpSaX
有時候，我會懷疑自己已經忘記他的長相，便努力回想那段日子，但畫面只是越來越模糊。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFStBvZx8H
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2uWxoj5kk
一年、兩年、三年，當我漸漸淡忘這段過去的時候，我卻看見他了。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeTg6MxQJg
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaGrfHbWNz
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YmLdYDuJJ
在電視裡面。541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV283V5Sca
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1j8gp9AMR
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRreOgRyHjI
541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSukOzfZ5ob
待續。
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