我站在門前許久，才忐忑不安的按下電鈴。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU9PrUF3aC
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UeAQHtuB2
出來應門的是個有些年紀的婦人。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0g1TTnEV7D
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDbCMdkb9r
「請問，這是英傑的家嗎？」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnaGlBBYoc
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWzWFQwJRE
婦人露出狐疑的眼神。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmQXcXnxkn
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA51zGeT2hT
「妳是…？」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEfbmiCnGZ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnIyORj0Go
「我是英傑的朋友，因為我一直聯絡不到他，所以…」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP20rbvWLlK
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfh1IHFQSHP
「妳找錯間了，這裡沒這個人！」她揮揮手，避開我的眼神。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwRnJchVnM
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNK6AkGjGqz
「我知道他被通緝！」在她準備關上裡面的木門前，我急著大喊。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBhbyEjkFd
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JJQPfD1L1
婦人停下動作，又把木門拉開了些。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsuOasNZMg
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Q3E28mbGD
「他被通緝的時候我們還見過面，可是之後就斷了聯絡。」我解釋。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQIhPzCW1V
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMruiG2bOIl
「妳是他女朋友？」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pEuWjceKq
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZLZDBkpCp
「不是，我不是，我是…他朋友。」我沒敢說出自己的身份。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeEPuP14iJ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4tTvoIo1q
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp206JIhSiz
「他沒和我們聯絡也很久了。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2ouXrMdiq
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9Qa3d5T5i
「還有人跟我說他死在外面了。」婦人用著台語說著，語氣平淡得不可思議。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06ZBTJuBr8
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoW4QW720a
我一時語塞，沒能回話。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSslIqG7Rk
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡef4w65xXp8
「讓妳跑一趟，歹勢，英傑不在這裡，我也不知道他在哪裡。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkF77XPJpRx
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡii7uzXJpsY
「那個…那，我可以留下我的手機，如果他有跟你們聯絡，請他跟我聯絡好嗎？」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDROJ3CJQS
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgMSUWgLuL
婦人一臉不耐煩，我很尷尬，但還是厚臉皮的寫下自己的號碼塞過鐵門，交到婦人手裡。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFgnRt4xhP
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5t8z46dab
「小姐貴姓？」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7578rm5tqv
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Rto1bGpLD
「我姓豺。」我回得迅速。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeYEGVenvx
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiTuhyhUSP
「………」婦人突然噤了聲，透過鐵門盯著我。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc8feV90D8
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNd6RbRTep
「糟。」我心想。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UpI4tV4cF
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y26ffVIfY
她隨即關上木門。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7Edf3U30M
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8z71J4fYJ
「她知道我是誰了。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZNwv0g8GK
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUzrNcfK6s
我當下便明白，不管英傑有沒有回到這裡，我都無法得知了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsN12h38V0
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsCMwPwYKB
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdctZkqyuY
唯一的線索就這麼斷了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8Mavs8Cdo
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpw16PXUR7
我不敢換手機號碼，睡覺時也不關機，就怕漏接了英傑打來的電話。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYX7eRdyWvO
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzN4JW39wHB
就這樣升上了高中二年級，409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXNS6T9u7B
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMIpBBHZq2
迎來了人生的轉折。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cUT1gpHcS
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEwNNsOibj
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrY3HRiAQB
父母親早在我國小時就已離異，但他們為了不讓我和弟弟分開，便還是住在一起。我在一個富裕的家庭長大，幾乎是要什麼有什麼，生性霸道且極端任性，父親一生風流，基於愧疚或父愛，總寵著我，比起成天碎碎念的母親，我覺得自己比較愛爸爸。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWRJaECaU6
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD7bhvgdgZ
在高二那一年，父親生意失利，經營的公司惡性倒閉，再加上「賭」及「面子」，父親找上了地下錢莊。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqhXageoDc
「家道中落」似乎是一瞬間的事。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IRJLgtcLg
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbx3K2Dhou
當我放學回家，看見債主找人在家門用噴漆寫上的字眼，我還沒能反應過來。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVxOH2QaAs
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGiBlLTkx3
「都已經離婚了，為什麼還這樣拖累我！」
母親氣得哭了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ13mglFbMc
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJIElykqks
某天晚上，母親進來房間，告訴我，房子要賣掉了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4ROgWic3X
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtAOf1Ik17
他們離婚後，所買的房子仍是共有財產，父親要把房子賣掉，才能償還債務。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVUZzPEwSM
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7X8jXtILI4
我還沒能了解事態的嚴重，跑到客廳跟低著頭的父親大吼「這是我長大的家，就因為你，所以我的家就要這樣沒了！」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTDCIGW1GW
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hRre04g2Z
「那妳要我死是不是！」爸爸第一次吼我。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrGPs4KEai
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WR9wO5S1e
「我沒錢，地下錢莊說要砍我手腳，我讓他砍是不是！」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIliTD4vTwE
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy0IVR0vpj
我嚇到了，沒能反駁。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0kDSBirek
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5CbrAs7W9
「房子要賣給媽媽的朋友，那個朋友說可以再租給媽媽。因為是妳爸爸要賣的，所以他要搬出去，妳就跟媽媽和弟弟繼續住在這裡，不用搬家。」
母親在旁緩頰。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCvgte2GCO
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqugJ7ENgd
我沒說話，看了看坐在沙發上的父親與一旁滿臉擔憂的母親，便逕自走回房間。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2sDuA5djA
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYPYFHHs9x
回到房間，想起國小五年級那天，母親到安親班接我和弟弟，把我拉到一旁說的話。
「媽媽今天和爸爸去辦離婚了，妳爸爸堅持要其中一個小孩的監護權，弟弟又還小…所以妳的監護權是爸爸。媽媽不是不要妳，妳不要擔心。我們也說好不會讓妳跟弟弟分開，所以我們大家還是會住在一起喔！」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s7k44zFN6
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LwT1SPk7s
我突然明白自己不能接受房子賣掉的原因是什麼。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5vaPWQMiz
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxT7cGgO7e
我不能接受的，其實是家的破碎。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsJPcj750D
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TRPLyo6pj
因為一直都住在一起，所以沒有分離的感覺。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftCXcQvqkK
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEgTEFEPWv
「妳爸爸是一個無情的人。」
「因為小時候是養子，他弟弟出生後，就被虐待又被冷落，所以就連阿公過世也沒回去奔喪。」
「他和前一個老婆離婚之後，完全沒有再過問他們的生活，也從來沒去看過他以前的小孩。」
母親曾這麼說過。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wgaSCyctZ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLECoLpyf4J
「妳不要管我，反正我的監護權又不是妳！」
「是妳自己不要我的！」
某次和母親吵架，我說了這樣的話，害母親哭了整晚。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ynesXSEka
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oyjoIcwx2
「去和妳媽媽道歉。」
「她沒有不要妳。」
那天晚上父親走到房間嚴厲地說。
而他根本很少命令我做什麼。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfP9WzyT421
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUSJw7jbuK
「小姐貴姓？」
「我姓豺。」
關上門前那婦人的眼神，帶了驚訝及恨意。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0N3cV0PMN
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3sqeU2qrn
「以前我會怪別人、怪命運，其實我不能怪誰。」
「曾有一段時間我忌妒妳，妳擁有我未曾擁有的一切。」
「現在我誰也不怪了。」
紙上那美麗的字，看起來多麼傷心。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3xzxZJpDz
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqTrojNa8a
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5eQtRewAO
我的腦中閃現了許許多多回憶。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnr05Og13h
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqgrk0OdQY
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyyMLEVECX
媽媽睡了之後，我走到客廳，父親盯著電視，卻兩眼無神。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJldjCjiA2o
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2A5ETlrwWU
「爸爸。」我喊他。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnz7WixtfDs
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25xpavfmlb
父親抬頭看我。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXKcqmSTf7
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBJZ2Wt9x2
「你搬出去之後要去哪裡？」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpKDojNurw
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4Om7RM2Nc
「我不知道。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dq5kVY4Bv
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJb8h4Nw4D7
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYRY6fLfVU
「我和你一起搬走。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuZRF68lZx
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGQtzB4rUn
我說出這句話的時候，爸爸一臉驚訝。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE01Defrm3k
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4Ax2TOZnP
「真的嗎？」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpNWZszt6GE
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcuYMLQOLj
「嗯。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteJZ2kHFTx
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2MMmSLXE9
「…好啊。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbOjMeedFT
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyzzO4PR5J
「那我去睡了，爸爸晚安。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsJiAzxIFY
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeKEqvRfYQ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EfIMTgugF
那時，我只想著，父親一旦離開了，我可能再也見不到他。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbS7yOfVpI
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvbH0K5Vvy
即使他不是個好兒子、好丈夫或稱職的父親，他仍是我的父親，從來都捨不得打我罵我的父親。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ9KCFuMHh
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgAu2tyEAC
隔天，我便自己出門找房子。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVhzy4RWPr
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BGSV5B20V
母親雖然擔心又不捨，但沒能阻止我的任性與固執，就還是陪著我找房子。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtum4YzytD
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7diymNjKbD
我們在離家不遠的地方找到新住處，因為我當時尚未成年，還是請父親來和房東簽合約，之後，我自己忙搬家，請了開貨車的親戚與國中同學幫忙，把所有的家具都搬到新住處。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjSe2iQoZQ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwLqeafaLM
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmY89BFFriH
然而父親沒有因此痛改前非，我們搬家後沒多久，又有新的債主找上門。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmM5KmIUng
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Gmv6mdQ4C
那天，黑兔子（忘記她的人請往前看系列文）趁著假日到家裡玩，我們在房間聊天，父親在客廳看電視。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5iBOJSY5M
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRsvGvZUfd
正嘻嘻哈哈的時候，有人按電鈴。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6Vfo0hGFO
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpW2dmnXkQ9
按了好幾聲，父親卻不去應門。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapKN4yBupY
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEtkzI8TxZ
我走到客廳，看見父親把手指舉在嘴巴前面，示意我不要出聲。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaEIiapjoh
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwRlBsCRR4
對方按了幾下電鈴，便開始撞門，接著大聲咆哮、怒罵三字經。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuOGDgTmVT
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaqtfSaG7v
房間裡的黑兔子嚇到，悄聲問我怎麼回事，我覺得很丟臉，但還是告訴她，門外的是父親的債主，我們得裝做不在家…但是債主大概早就猜到我們假裝不在家吧，才會待在門外不走。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlX7ZBxZTH
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pAwbKgasa
直到傍晚，我才戰戰兢兢的開門，送黑兔子到公車站搭車。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSNrfLwPZB
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAGQNkVTYC
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN3nMtBYYB
那年發生的事情非常地多，我喜歡上了一個學長，但他卻用各種不同的方式，在我的身上、心上都留下殘酷的疤痕。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeZAEqtrOO
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCsbMMMMWl
但那是另一個故事了。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkLyU38HJu
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVKGbAyE5s
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHo8XqsrO7
我和父親常常為了錢的事情吵架。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndAiG3elDH
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2f2GWytrk
我就讀的學校是私立職校，學費非常地貴。而我放學後在賣場打工所賺的錢，付了生活所需的開銷以後幾乎所剩無幾。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEOHLdiX67
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk3QX14t46
那些茶來伸手、飯來張口，像個公主的日子彷彿離自己已經非常遙遠。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJI5bUraoF
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALQOAqjmhA
我偶爾會回去媽媽家吃飯，但絕口不提自己為錢煩惱的事。也許是怕母親擔心，又也許是怕母親責怪父親吧。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBizTSXE7y
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3DqYLD99P
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo0aLyrgmb
在那些身心俱疲的日子裡，我很常想起英傑。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa40rhYSeaY
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbSuvbLnlX
為什麼一直都沒有和我聯絡呢？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLW2hC902K
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JhoeblEAX
難道逃出台灣了嗎？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡln7PtNju3s
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWo8TP68Ct
難道…真的死了嗎？409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvJeROZjZH
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIe302cf5k
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MTOm4V2Hi
一天晚上，我帶著傷痕回家，在家門前，我把運動外套拉起，確定不會被看見痕跡之後進門，想著自己為什麼這樣找罪受。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8bYIBrF12
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTQszkgamk
但父親不在家。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxFQopo2ak
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAZZF5WflM
撥了父親的電話，聽見那邊的麻將聲。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xcit6drAW
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLr8Qn6x78A
我對父親大吼，卻被掛電話。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujpXxRBccq
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrk8VVwJRW8
那一刻，我想著自己所做的一切。409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2rFonaB2Q
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsT4YbSZ3FA
「都是自己選的。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrCvGW6SaJ
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPtoj0PMPX
「沒人逼妳，都是妳自己選的。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pUJzjxlcc
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Z9F3MJVPy
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzELvSySRoS
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLceaqXd2m
「乾脆，去死好了。」409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWArQVzCOHf
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmiiBjCXeO
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSdK7Nh5FD
409Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzbEcawRg9
待續。
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