原文連結：https://www.penana.com/article/2274517
第七場 —— 如果不為了被愛 ?46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRomV4KbaU
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssOdDHXYaH
00:00。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0a82WIwjTS
詹姆斯又睜開雙眼。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjep4Jdh5Yq
他又沒有立刻起身。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsGrxhBMk4
只是又……靜靜地望著天花板。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ODWGXbEZX
「……她也在這裡。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPX9n8LLq4c
這個念頭，比任何一次死亡都更難消化。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe873vYwoT
他慢慢坐起來。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5fMzigYYO
這一次，他沒有打開任何紀錄。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZPahgBlio
沒有整理任何死法。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00mo9lLmxP
也沒有制定什麼策略。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7d72whYgZW
只是低聲說了一句：46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMr9IsKSo8y
「那今天 ——」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IRctKrkfm
「不如試試看 ——」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTndQ8CSFr
「不為了她吧。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mNXs12meU
這句話說出口時，連他自己都不太相信。
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早上。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcu4vLITAwJ
詹姆斯如常地出門。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4yFsvPM4h
沒有刻意避開危險。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxU5XGrMcu
也沒有刻意尋找安全。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkP0Or63AuW
只是正常地走路、過馬路、上車。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv39ryD1kE
一切都顯得普普通通。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PLCqeokr9
普通得 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdpIHx4Mnl
就連旁述都感覺到有些陌生：46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCg52GbZ69T
難道……我也在不知不覺間被困在循環之中？
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公司。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUPKABu5QL
詹姆斯坐在自己位置上，打開電腦。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡredM0IzkvF
開始處理工作。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYh4uVeLzlP
這次完全沒有偷看莉莎。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1grghEwOOj
亦沒有去計算時間。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKYowHBcGn
甚至乎……沒有預測任何對話。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6RtmTnRWJ
這種不尋常的正常，倒使另一個人反應起來。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxMnpFNeRz
阿強忍不住看了他一眼。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3St7hMtMU
「你今天……很正常。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWYzrNzaCG
詹姆斯想了想。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRhfiWlAAS
「應該吧。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tiyvhSnQM
這句回答，連他自己都覺得意外，甚至 —— 帶著一點新鮮。
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上午。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGIFLlEjB2
莉莎從詹姆斯身邊經過。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPSn790pzk
這次他沒有抬頭。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHC3OqjkR0
還不單止。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUmeRpSdbm
他連眼珠也沒有轉動過分毫。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0CYB5JIkc
彷彿老僧入定般穩著。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvEEP0hK6V
只是繼續打字。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9BiDQmZK3
反而——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRbJVIgiEq
是她停了一下。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNPDSDFoPd
就只是短短一秒。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3xFHfRLzF
然後才離開。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgD8UxhIblj
詹姆斯沒有看見。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslIp9JS6Tl
但他隱約感覺到某種變化。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZM8e9nOy4o
不是來自他。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qvaXtdClh
而是 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEHuPmeaXp
來自她。
🎬＊＊＊
中午。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdh7Q48Rra
茶水間。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0051TNaZQ
兩人再次相遇。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6fAve667I
這一次，誰也沒有刻意安排。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx028vqXsLC
絕對只是剛好。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePIr3q674Z
詹姆斯站在咖啡機前。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡed6g45CHmG
發現機器卡住了。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnoQMcgwan
他皺了皺眉，輕輕敲了一下。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjqQBHlXiz
沒有反應。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW38kykiJO9
「又壞了……」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWkXmYYRp6
他低聲說。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXBcxfo0ht
正準備放棄。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡad4goZzCci
旁邊傳來聲音：46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoLK6g3Lue
「要不要試試按兩次？」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk2XYN95nG
他轉身。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uU5goE6jK
是莉莎。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzFRlyoZxS
她站在不遠處，語氣平靜。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvO5jG3Kgz
詹姆斯照著說話去做。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk1kLLAolz
按了兩次。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVPstqoC9Y
機器重新運作。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQaO2TyPeT
咖啡慢慢流下來。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9Ry5oI7E2
他愣了一下。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHLal3JAMa
「……謝謝。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZVxlAnd91
「不用。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACCEEoJltE
她看著咖啡杯。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuOzf36YNl
停了一秒。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPvCKXNu2J
然後補了一句：46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLnlgpdLYd
「這個，我好像做過很多次。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xqUgp5wYg
詹姆斯的手微微一頓。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OjxIVZ76g
但他沒有接話。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3dgoKAAS5
只是輕聲說：46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInWYf86IF9
「可能只是習慣。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7nZ27Ocgh
莉莎沒有反駁。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuXzhuERIA
只是看了他一眼。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKbhBUoSQU
那個眼神，不再只是防備。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIVjnD7GHE
而是帶著一點 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGcl7KdJlo
困惑。
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下午。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpHjyao1iz
工作堆積。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKxuO9Lebw
經理臨時加派任務。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNhSjK4AHz
莉莎需要整理一份報告。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxc1HkgD2Dh
時間緊迫。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFNRqMlMhZ
她的眉頭微微皺起。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50mMPRGWI4
詹姆斯看見了。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYyDAKrjF4
這一次 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuUgvrAUGI
他沒有思考「這樣做會不會加分」。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IarM5dx2I
也沒有預測結果。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCLwh4vzuH
他只是站起來。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sDWqrRQqv
走過去 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡat7o8SyJrl
「需要幫忙嗎？」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjbloVXPbB
語氣很是自然。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmKEkpKGX0
沒有任何設計。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Is4yhSh5I
也沒有預期過什麼。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsgzK1nFhT
莉莎看著他。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIjxe1myuh
似乎有點意外。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WGSGffVri
「……你今天沒有提前知道內容？」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFe8JP4Vbw
詹姆斯微微一愣。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtavOwBVlTy
然後搖頭。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLBF9tC8lI
「沒有。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwuTPEFOk1
這個回答，很真，沒有半點做作。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSbrDD3Psl
莉莎沉默了一秒。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwg1TrP6ili
然後把一部分文件遞給他。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN44lmsuahe
「那你幫我整理這段。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwA6CofvMpl
「好。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10069nsvRE
兩人開始一起工作。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tzvCnExx0
沒有多餘的對話。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxROv9fpZmu
只有紙張與鍵盤聲。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgn4fSdljaU
時間慢慢流動。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwy5tDUgnb
這一刻 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3NenfjFBZ
沒有累人的循環。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsKuhGEmbL
也沒有可笑的預知。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9PfGuHfMV
更沒有針對性的目的。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1oIqDaZix
只是單純的享受著「一起完成一件事」。
🎬＊＊＊
傍晚。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXGrpics2m
工作完成。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuLVlwxefL
莉莎把文件收好。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0ZtUHmNr9
「謝謝。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNQHl1XyU6
她說話的語氣比以往柔和。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yExmIAjZB
詹姆斯點了點頭。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8E8J5IvNRf
「應該的。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡys66oSTLQL
兩人之間，出現了一種微妙的安靜。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5iJKOgcgc
不像尷尬。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdhhb701Wc
也不像距離。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nfcXYcc35
比較像 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIjV0eWDEp
還未有定義的空白。
🎬＊＊＊
晚上。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fQi5nG2Re
詹姆斯沒有去海邊。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7eFlMcsxS
也沒有刻意避開什麼。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoECK0H0Kr
他只是走在街上。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWBRajfxtq
經過熟悉的路。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KYoDPM9fX
看著熟悉的燈。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRd8TP3CmjS
這是循環以來，第一次，他沒有在計算「還剩多少時間」。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3bUyyQeuf
他停下來。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR95HVIuEG
看著遠方。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtU6RqkRBY
「如果我不告白 ——」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0u2QupEkI
「如果我也不追求結果 ——」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5jRPDRbdp
「那這一天，還剩下什麼？」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAITxN9l0UH
答案很簡單。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lpJhibset
「生活。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcbfH5Y2Qd
久違的這個詞，讓他自己都覺得陌生。
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23:48。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbWuddjRkc
他回到家。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTr9O29xNx
坐在床上。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAu0P165WV
沒有了以往的緊張。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpz1RJ5Zc8
也沒有再神經兮兮的預測。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4ivglTMTK
他只是安靜地坐著。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHQlVBnSSD
任由時間一分一秒過去。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7GZW52TVm
23:55。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6W88gX0T7Y
他看著鬧鐘。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8bnZ3s7E4
心中忽然浮現一個念頭。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf5xZnxzxz
「如果我今天活下去 ——」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0brmoUk3q7
「是不是就代表……」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIo9LYXgVXJ
他沒有說完。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiPJCccjpP
因為他忽然發現。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCdb2YmjuI
自己其實並沒有那麼在意答案。
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23:59。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRqMYItn81
秒針仍在艱難地向前挪動。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0ZfL5sv2U
空氣維持著安靜，像故意不肯發出聲音。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Tl4MUpgwn
只有他沒有動。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD69wgShWz
他只是呆呆望著那塊表，彷彿時間本身也正望住他。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwRp0TEVqw
「……原來可以這樣。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCGAIC9du1
就在那一刻——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmruuEe26v2
「砰！」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmz4m8Azn7I
門外驟然傳來一聲巨響。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEj7Xrbv7x
像是有什麼沉重的東西，狠狠墜落在地。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQCnt0ToJT
他怔了一下，隨即站起身。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHKZhXC4HW
一步一步，朝門口走去。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BBXopttQ3
右手按上門把。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rikpiIhOd
停住。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKWsiiQ7nH
「……要不要開？」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LOeDKVh5M
那不是問題。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KIteehOte
那是一個選擇。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWRTf9Xzbt
沒有預測。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡythjpfOCNO
沒有答案。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qgLCSZZgO
只有他自己。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwS5zfRj6ee
他慢慢轉動門把。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOBUIMEeoU
門，打開了。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0xThCYp2Q
好奇——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Iosh2DKxd
害死了貓，也害死了——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxK4CCMmkE
畫面停在那一瞬間。
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00:00。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zX8n8PgZs
詹姆斯再次睜開眼。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHzzbi9b5N
第一眼望見的，依然是那塊熟悉得不能再熟悉的天花板。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSdpFRPjjg
他愣住了很久。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyeFEXn7eg
然後低聲說：46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlRHncfsoE
「……還是回來了。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMVnlA57qJ
他坐起來。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr2KPegoAH
這一次，他沒有失望。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRp46uUtvSM
只是安靜地呼出一口氣。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKTtBZ5V10
接著，輕聲說道：46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjI8oI7o5UX
「但今天，不一樣。」46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXoHPww4Rn
他沒有再去拿手機。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1GK9GcxRo
只是靜靜坐著，回想那一天發生過的事。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBj3TpGkN6P
沒有完美。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGza8jJxxj
沒有設計。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8yep8OqKA
也沒有結論。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dZuq0Rc92
但 ——46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhFLIuBazD
那是第一次。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2DYhn1jdy
他不是為了「被愛」而活。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLiFxPr46x
窗外，天色開始微微泛白。46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2lxBCukI9
新一輪的星期五，重新啟航。
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