原文連結：https://www.penana.com/article/2273224
第四場 —— 如果我不死呢？?45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34fukFFijx
45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgWseTwAzJ
00:00。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah2ZFACGvh
詹姆斯緩緩睜開眼。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnaDf1UjdsT
依舊沒有驚訝。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkLPhRSsU1
也沒有一絲嘆氣。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UaURupMBX
他只是再一次靜靜地望著天花板，然後伸手拿起手機。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYgO2cuRhK
《自殺方式評估表（第五版）》45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlp8W4rXKa7
— 跳樓：痛苦指數★★★★★（瞬間衝擊強烈）45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Q3Dfu9K1p
— 補充：不建議45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCm9W9Xef3
他的手指停了一下。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1wIs2gzC1
然後在最下方又新增了一行：45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZcsWRyL1z
「— 也許問題不在死法。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4XzFfMDAg
他關掉螢幕。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7UIUGFYjo
沉默了良久……45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO94BJD6mqe
「那如果 —— 我今天不死呢？」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm49VEU0Qcm
這個念頭，比任何一次「死法研究」都來得陌生。
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早上。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvLsoC8CMD
詹姆斯這次比平時更早出門。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtqCTuH6tn
過馬路時，他停下來。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4nVcnRmfL
看左。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyfSwsoBf1
看右。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPQTOsxv0F
再看一次。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUUTlVrvRs
等紅綠燈都完全轉綠，才踏出第一步。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyO7wlQDvmD
走到一半，他又突然停住。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNoj8U9Y0D
低頭查視了一下地面。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN07pmFbEgT
「……沒有坑洞。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6i9fev0fMX
才繼續前進。
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公司。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZqz5wcDF6
他今天的行為極為異常。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkL4aaozFki
椅子 —— 慢慢坐下。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo6QdoneYW
熱水 —— 先試溫度。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIlUXCTD1Z
電線 —— 刻意避開。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem4cdTbrvn
阿強忍不住問：「哥，你今天在做什麼？」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfp4hVS0sF
詹姆斯認真回答：「避免非必要的死亡。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIGoPyPEif
阿強沉默……45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSuSljEqp0
「……你最近是不是看了些什麼奇怪的東西？」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzi9JUd0bb
「是經驗總結。」詹姆斯語氣堅定地補充。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTW2br6oKI
阿強決定不再追問。
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上午。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauPW32qog9
莉莎剛好從他身邊經過。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSMbTGMGYr
詹姆斯下意識抬頭。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDOeXkRmXN0
兩人的目光短暫交會了一刻。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JOUvnvfk8
但莉莎沒有停步。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi050U73jOG
而很快，他又立刻低頭。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWYdtLUiKY
「……不要接觸。」他在心中默念。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dhKDdGK15
「今天的目標，是活到23:59。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlnknebmsP
「不要告白。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi3kPCcIPU
這句話，他重複了三次。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvqDwAfX6z
像是在說服自己。
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中午。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiYqYS3nDb
茶水間。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiel4VyQ9R
他打開微波爐，放進便當。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpIVyQHlf1
按下加熱按鈕。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczZUz3S7cE
退後一步。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJqwbWcaia
再退一步。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdXMPeqF1f
「電器，有風險。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lGhRmN1oP
旁邊的同事看著他。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9fQBsaWfM
「你在怕它爆炸嗎？」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vYhXkB9OO
詹姆斯想了想，向着那同事回：45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGH1d9ycNF
「目前沒有證據，但不能排除。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEsyjZVOZN
同事：「……」
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下午。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1t52k7O278
一切似乎順利。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmzkMJiWhD
沒有意外。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPx6LwCga1V
沒有危險。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXafcquJgid
甚至連被紙割傷都沒有。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzUGS9BJMk
詹姆斯開始產生一種微妙的感覺。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSCIzIImac
「……也許，今次可以成功。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mPbAXQNIc
他看了一眼時間。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4J0Mf03iId
17:42。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg4F5tNDYM
距離終點，越來越近。
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晚上。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvsQryvmbP
他提早下班。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnbtAamark
沒有去海邊。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86MM6wCbyi
沒有帶花。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OSyyL9auo
也沒有聯絡莉莎。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmeZZkkhOV
他急步回到家，把門鎖好。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUVRpaV2Dp
再認真去確認了幾遍：45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc805NI030A
門鎖 —— 已上鎖45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUpR6EZvg3
窗戶 —— 關閉緊密45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAoL1VhKxr
地板 —— 絕對乾燥45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheQ2mBh7GY
他坐在床上：45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWOATir0fs
「只要待在這裡，就不會有事。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvVMyW57Z1
他甚至把手機放到一旁。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrA5B4L5pPC
「慎重起見，減少外界干擾。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMihb0jqdR
時間，就這樣一分一秒過去。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQLjsXQPEa
22:13。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7J54EMkuwh
23:02。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsxhY7JZyX
23:37。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IkzDCEB4Q
他的呼吸開始變得緩慢。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2Od1ZvygT
「快到了，就快到了……」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCflNziu9zY
他盯著鬧鐘 ——45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65Qh6BRk07
23:50。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFmDzA8Fiz
「只剩十分鐘。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrQvu1uew4
他第一次露出一點笑意。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGy6eTqKU2I
「原來……真的可以。」
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23:55。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZk3hsUZQQ
他開始放鬆了。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNay5pJ32WD
身體微微往後一靠。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyNv55LuX2
「只是一天而已。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JUZkCOd0M
「其實也沒有想像中困難呢。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwJkb2d8SK
他低聲說。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45XA14GyK3
然後他伸手拿起水杯。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaUTrvakrg
喝了一口。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWvkcBd7Re
下一秒 ——45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ819iygeULh
他停住了。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsj3X5vNOGD
眉頭微皺。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8U0zBOGQ8
「……怎麼有點怪？」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaovEIUkGzq
喉嚨有一瞬間的異樣，像是被什麼卡住。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHAO2741Cu
他咳了一聲。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ymcwZTbeD
沒有改善。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUn7ocknX3
再咳。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TynFwqhjJ
呼吸開始不順。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYke2ioy5J
「等 —— 等等 ——」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7SHbKMGbA
他掙扎着站起來。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8HxWlqvUA
喉嚨像被鎖住。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRsJNoLZzi
空氣進不去。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErcMFoMo97
「……水？」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuIcWgYQ8I
他看著杯子。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7x1tFJbXNJ
忽然意識到一件荒謬的事。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaCzNt6gIx
「……嗆到了？」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlA5TWQuk6I
他試圖呼吸。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCLrOIXrvV
但越來越困難。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIYsecEJQI
身體開始失去控制。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsrLqeYKgC
視線也開始發黑。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgcB2s6F9t
「不會吧……」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxhBWTd8bC
他踉蹌地扶著桌子。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47kyUBZgrj
「這種死法——」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2eNUgqaEe
「也太……隨便了……」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7sfBGbHni
他想笑。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksWCB5jQv0
卻笑不出來。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJXGAVh38K
世界迅速崩塌……
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00:00。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dtFav2Nr5
詹姆斯猛然睜開眼。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrfYf3e6fv
他坐起來，大口呼吸。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfehL6z1Pc
手緊緊抓著床單。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnCKSNIsu7
過了很久。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVADk2gq3u
他才慢慢冷靜下來。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXuRfzAg5k
然後他拿起手機。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BIpXcKUB0
《自殺方式評估表（第六版）》45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2N33X5Wtn
— 嗆水（室內）：痛苦指數★★★★☆（極度荒謬）45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5H61W8QtS
— 補充：即使什麼都不做，也可能死亡45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1Z3InRQNx
他停了一下。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPsqm3wLhj
接着又在最下方，緩慢地打出一句：45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgi6WGX2dj
「— 似乎不是我選擇死亡。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmoP6k1MOa
「— 而是死亡在選擇我。」45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwzaLxY5L4
他盯著這句話。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65QAhuuaEd
久久沒有移開視線。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrODhpGpdp
房間依然很安靜。45Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY9bJYHMub
新一輪的星期五…… 再次開始……（旁白員：很累，快點死吧。）
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