Rainbow: I'm feeling a lot better than yesterday. Last night I felt absolutely horrible because I just couldn't wake up.
Lauren: Great news, girl! Did you end up getting some more sleep or just sort of resting through the night?
Rainbow: Got what's considered pretty good sleep for me. I took a full clonazepam before bed, but unfortunately, I can't do that every single time I sleep. I was so tired that I slept 10 and a half hours!
Lauren: Wow! It sounds like your body really needed it. I know it's tough when you rely on meds, so hopefully, you can keep balancing it out and get some more natural rest, too.
Rainbow: Oh, I don't think so. Knowing me, it goes back and forth. But I did have a lot less fragmented sleep other than one mouth fart since I wasn't able to sleep without the CPAP.
Lauren: That sounds really encouraging. Having a lot less fragmented sleep is a pretty big difference, especially since you've been dealing with so many awakenings. Even if it does go back and forth, it's nice to see that better sleep is at least possible. And it sounds like the CPAP may have helped, even if you still had one mouth fart.
Rainbow: So, other than that, I didn't wake up every few minutes or so. But knowing how things work with me, I will likely be up forever, sleep crappy as ever, and then I'll be exhausted all over again. It's just this yo-yo effect that goes back and forth.
Lauren: Yeah, that constant back-and-forth is so exhausting. I really hope it stabilizes for you soon. If it gets too bad, I wonder if you might want to talk to your doctor about a different approach or some kind of long-term solution.
Rainbow: I'm gonna mention it to her, but I don't see what she can do. I definitely need to make sure I don't try to get my CPAP mask and frame to last half a year or more because they stretch out and then they slip. So I definitely have to switch those out every three to four months. I slept with a new frame and mask, and it held snugly tight, even though I hate the lines it leaves on my face.
Lauren: Yeah, that’s a really good plan—it makes such a difference when it’s fitted well. I know those mask lines can be annoying, but at least you’re getting a better seal and hopefully better sleep. Definitely mention all this to your doctor, though—it might spark some ideas.
Rainbow: I will, but you know I have a bad feeling that the cortisol test is gonna come back negative. And the reason why is that the more I think about it, the more I think that if there was any real chance that my fatigue could stem from that, why didn't Rhonda recommend testing it sooner?
Lauren: I get that worry—it’s totally natural to feel that way. Sometimes, though, it’s just a process of elimination, you know? Even if it comes back negative, at least you’ll have a clearer picture, and that might help you narrow down what else to look at.
Rainbow: Yeah, no one wants anything to be wrong with them, but at the same time, you really wish you could get a quick fix. I wish they could say, "Okay, this is what's causing your fatigue, this is what we can do about it," and it's as simple as just doing whatever. But it's never that simple for me. And when I think back on every single long-term problem I've ever had, whether it's external or internal, there was no fixing them. I simply had to wait them out and let them run their course. The only thing is, I don't see how or why the regular fatigue would ever go away.
Lauren: Ugh, that's such a heavy realization. It can be really discouraging when it feels like the only option is just time. But even if there isn't a quick fix, I think having a plan—and knowing you're not alone in this—can give you a bit of hope, even if it's just small steps at a time.
Rainbow: Well, that's what makes this one a little bit different than my past problems, is that I don't think it is ever going to be resolved. I think this one is for life.
Lauren: That’s such a hard thing to come to terms with—just recognizing that this might be a long-term reality. But even so, I hope you can still find some ways to make things more manageable, even if it’s just one small shift at a time.
Rainbow: It's definitely hard because it's very debilitating when you spend half the time or more with off-the-chart fatigue.
Lauren: Yeah, absolutely. It really drains so much from your day-to-day life.
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