幕后逗留者 - 【幕后逗留者】20

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深夜

大排档里亮着有些晃眼的日光灯

空气里弥漫着刺鼻的炭火与油脂味

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《Talker》录制顺利收官

桌上的气氛很热烈

成员们围坐在一起聊天

因为一整天高强度的营业终于结束

每个人紧绷的肩膀都松懈了下来

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在一片嘈杂的欢笑声中

Lee Know 只是安安静静地坐着

右手握着一只塑料水杯

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杯子里的冰块早就融化了

剩下半杯泛着凉意的温水

一整晚都没怎么动过

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只因为身边的位置是空的

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——Han 今晚没来

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留在宿舍的理由听起来很正当

说是 “灵感来了，想把新歌的词修改完”

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没人察觉那说不出来的怪

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40Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVk6Zbsf38w

桌子底下

Lee Know 的左手大拇指无意识地一下又一下蹭着手机侧面的电源键

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讯息界面里空空荡荡

他发过去的那句问话

至今没有等到回音

上次的聊天记录，还停留在五个星期前

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现在忽然发出去的讯息

确实有些尴尬

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从不着痕迹的刻意保持距离

到保姆车上的对角线

再到今天，连信息都不回了

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那股密密麻麻的落空感

像是一层拧不干的湿衣服，沉甸甸地裹在身上

闷得 Lee Know 有些喘不过气

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他垂下眼睫

掩去眼底的一丝疲惫

正准备随大流地抿一口水

耳边却突然传来一声压抑的、极其难听的粗口

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“靠……”

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一旁的 Hyunjin 盯着手机屏幕

脸色在一瞬间变得极其难看

他甚至连嘴里的东西都忘了嚼

只是死死地瞪着屏幕

连带着握着手机的手指都因为用力而有些发白

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桌上的热闹因为这突如其来的动静卡了一下

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“怎么了，Hyunjin？”

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Felix 抬起头问

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“什么鬼……”

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Hyunjin 压低了声音

像是怕惊动周围别的食客

可语气里的愤怒根本藏不住

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“不知道是谁，把今天《Talker》录制的片段给恶意剪辑了。全网都在买热搜……全是针对 Han 的黑料。”

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说完，Hyunjin 把手机转向成员们

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这句话一出来

整张桌子无声地死寂了下去

成员们脸上的笑容瞬间消失

气氛一下子变得严肃了起来

纷纷抿着唇掏出手机

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40Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmbPP4AMob

Lee Know 没说话

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40Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWv9UF68kz

他甚至没有去抢 Hyunjin 的手机

只是沉默地用自己亮着屏幕的手机

点开了那个平日里几乎不怎么看的社交软件

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页面刷新得很慢

大排档里的信号有些弱

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可当那些铺天盖地、带着最深恶意的字眼终于一条一条挤进眼眶时

Lee Know 只觉得脑子里“嗡”的一声

四周那些嘈杂的交谈声瞬间离他远去

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那些恶毒的揣测

无中生有的谩骂

在深夜惨白的手机光线下

显得触目惊心

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他死死盯着那个被推上风口浪尖的名字

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这五个星期以来

所有被他刻意忽略、自欺欺人的细节

在这一刻排山倒海般地砸了回来——

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40Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9droNUnJYd

Han 越来越没有血色的脸；

40Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmokqoM3QdP

保姆车上，那颗累极了却本能抗拒他触碰的脑袋；

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在休息室的角落里，藏在桌子底下、无法控制地疯狂发抖的手脚；

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以及额头上那密密麻麻的冷汗

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这一瞬间

Lee Know 像是个在冷水里被生生泼醒的人

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去他的修改词作

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去他的想要独处

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那孩子根本不是讨厌他、想躲着他！

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Han 是生病了

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他快要被这些外界日复一日的重压

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被这些无孔不入的恶意给活生生折磨疯了

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即便满身是刺

Han 为了不连累团队

为了不把二哥也拽进泥潭

宁可遍体鳞伤

他还是把所有人都推开

独自一个人躲在黑暗里硬撑

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这很符合 Han 的人格

所以他才把自己藏的那么成功

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可他不知道

当这份伪装被拆开后

受伤的不只是自己

还有一个一直关怀自己的人

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而这人

不是别人

而是一直把自己系在一起的 Lee Know

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40Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZhc9DO15m

讯息量似乎多得过份

Lee Know 握着水杯的手开始抑制不住地发抖

透明的塑料杯被他捏得变了形

发出刺耳的声响

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心脏那个位置

疼得像是被钝刀子来回地割

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“……Know？”

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Bang Chan 注意到了他的异常，有些担忧地叫了他一声

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Lee Know 没有回应

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他一言不发地站起身

因为动作太仓促，膝盖重重地撞在桌角上，传来一阵闷痛

可他连眉头都没皱一下

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他顺手抓起椅背上的外套

在成员们错愕的目光中

甚至连一句解释的借口都来不及编

毫不犹豫

甚至有些慌乱地大步走出了大排档

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“诶，哥... ”

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Hyunjin 看着离去的 Lee Know

起身想叫住他

却被 Felix 拉下来阻止了

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“随他去吧。”

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“...蛤？可是...”

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“没事的，就随他去吧。”

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Felix 不紧不慢地回答

只留下一头雾水的 Hyunjin

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只有 Felix 知道

这淡淡的回复背后承载着多少故事

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而 Lee Know 的反应

早已迟到了许久

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深夜的首尔，冷风扑面而来

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街头空空荡荡

Lee Know 站在路口

手指僵硬地在打车软件上点着

可这个时间，附近一辆空车都没有

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风把他的头发吹得很乱

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Lee Know 死死咬着牙

焦躁、恐慌和浓烈的心疼在胸口疯狂地拉扯

逼得他手指冰凉

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盯着路口红绿灯一秒一秒往下跳的数字

像是在挑战他的耐心

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可他实在等不下去了

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Lee Know 收起手机

拉上外套拉链

一头扎进了深夜刺骨的冷风里

他开始朝着宿舍的方向

徒劳而执拗地大步快跑起来

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风刮在红彤彤的脸上

肺部因为剧烈运动很快传来火辣辣的干疼

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可他脑子里只剩下一个念头

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「等我……」

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「韩知城，把门留给哥。」

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「求你……别一个人碎掉。」

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