幕后逗留者 - 【幕后逗留者】19

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清晨

阳光还未彻底射进窗口

宿舍却已经变得繁忙起来

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因为公司今天安排了《Talker》的录制

成员们一大早就马不停蹄地起来做着准备

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过了不久

保姆车已经在楼下大门等待

Bang Chan 拿着名单

像往常一样点数着人数

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少了一人。

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“谁还没出来啊？”

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Bang Chan 环顾四周质问着

可语气并不凶

天色尚早

时间并不紧绷

迟一些也没关系

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“Han 还没下来。”

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一道声音打破了宁静

这个回应很稳，没有半分颤抖

像是十分确定一样

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大家齐刷刷地望向了 Lee Know

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“Know，你去催一下 Han，告诉他我们得早点报道。”

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“嗯。”

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面对队长的要求

Lee Know 爽快地应了下来

马上转身折返回宿舍建筑物

不带半分怠慢

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Lee Know 急促的脚步声

带着一丝藏不住的担忧

回荡在空荡荡的楼梯间里

显得有些落空

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最终

Lee Know 的步伐停在了一个黑影前

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是 Han

正站在高他几层的阶梯上

居高临下地注视着他

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“Han…”

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Lee Know 抬起头，仰望着他

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“Han 啊，Chan 哥让我来找——”

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“我早好了，正准备找你们呢。”

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解释被打断了

Han 眼神还是那样清澈明朗

可语气却在恍惚中

带着一丝说不清的失神

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就像当初他们刚认识时那样

看起来离得近

实际上却遥远得触不可及

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Han 从 Lee Know 身旁擦肩而过

动作太快了

甚至在空气中牵起了一阵冷风

寂寞地飘荡在 Lee Know 的侧脸

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这一切发生得太突然

仿佛刚才的对视从没发生过一样

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这已经不是 Han 的第一次了

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连续五个星期

整整五个星期的疏离

Lee Know 其实全都看在眼底

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Han 藏得很好

在这段时间里并不明显

但私底下

Lee Know 隐约中总能感受到那种刻意的回避，很难让他忽视不理

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可比起这些，最让 Lee Know 心慌的

是那股密密麻麻

不知该如何安放的落空感

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越是这样，Lee Know 越是克制

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他害怕有一天

如果自己失控了

那道唯一照进生命的光

真的会离他更远，甚至彻底消失不见

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今天也一样

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明明没有任何插曲

可那股疏离感，却再次加重了

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摇摇晃晃的保姆车上非常安静

大家都趁着这段空档时间闭眼补眠

只有 Lee Know 还没睡着

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或者说，他是真的睡不下去了

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他微微偏过头，看着身边的座位

现在坐在他身边的是 Hyunjin

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而那个原本雷打不动、只要一上车就会理所当然霸占他身旁位置的 Han

现在却坐在离他最远的对角线车厢前排，和 Felix 挤在一起

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其实，车位分配的变化是从上个星期才开始的

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整整五个星期的疏离

前面的相安无事

Lee Know 都逼着自己去适应、去克制

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可唯独 “身边坐着的不再是 Han” 这个最新的变故

由于太过新鲜、也太过直白

刺得他至今无法习惯

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保姆车碾过路面的颠簸

猛地晃动了一下

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Lee Know 那双布满血丝的眼睛

一眨不眨地盯着对角线的位置

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只见前排的 Han 似乎累极了

歪着的脑袋随着车身的晃动摇摇欲坠

眼看着就要狠狠撞上冰冷坚硬的车窗

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在那一刹那

Lee Know 的身体快过大脑

下意识地微微往前倾

手臂甚至已经抬起了一半

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可下一秒，他的动作硬生生僵在了半空中

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车厢狭窄

可那道对角线的距离，却像是一条无法跨越的银河

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他再也没办法像以前那样

理所当然地伸出手

用掌心温柔地捧住那颗快要撞痛的脑袋了

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抬起的手最终无力地垂下

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在阴影里

Lee Know 只能死死地握紧了拳头

指甲深深地掐进掌心

逼着自己坐回冰冷的椅背上

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“……你和 Han，最近怎么了？”

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一旁原本闭着眼的 Hyunjin 突然睁开一条缝

看着 Lee Know 一路上严肃冷硬得像要杀人一样的神情

压低声音疑惑地问了一句

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Lee Know 浑身一僵

随后面无表情地松开拳头，移开了视线

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“没什么。可能最近写歌作曲太累了，他想要独处一会儿。”

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又是这句理由

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这是五个星期以来，Lee Know 在无数个失眠的深夜里，唯一用来催眠和麻痹自己的话

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听起来很愚蠢、很拙劣

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甚至自己都不信

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可除了这样能够维持体面的借口

他面对 Han 的作茧自缚

根本别无选择

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Hyunjin 听不出里面的拉扯

还以为真的只是创作期的小脾气

赞同地撇了撇嘴

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“嗯... 也是，Han 最近在宿舍确实蛮孤僻的，经常一个人关在房间里。那让他好好休息吧。”

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说完，Hyunjin 又再次闭眼养神

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…孤僻。

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听到这个词

Lee Know 的心脏像是被钝器狠狠锤了一下

密密麻麻的落空感瞬间被恐慌替代

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可到了《Talker》的录制现场

这种“孤僻”却被掩盖得天衣无缝

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镜头一开，室内的气氛瞬间热烈起来

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大家围绕着主持人的问题大声欢笑

热烈地开着玩笑

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当镜头对准 Han 的时候

他立刻露出了招牌式的元气笑容

眼睛亮晶晶的

活泼开朗得像往常一样

甚至还手舞足蹈地接了几个梗

把全场逗得哈哈大笑

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只有一直死死盯着他的 Lee Know 注意到了

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现场的特写机位一转开

刚刚还笑得毫无阴霾的 Han

嘴角的笑容瞬间崩塌

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整个人像是被抽走了灵魂的躯壳一样

失神地陷在座位的阴影里

灵魂出鞘般的木然

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今天，Lee Know 完全不在状态

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他的注意力早就不在拍摄上了

所有的雷达，只锁在 Han 那反常的情绪变化上

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中场休息，拍摄暂停

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成员们都在喝水补妆

而 Han 却一个人呆坐在角落的椅子上

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Lee Know 站在不远处

看着 Han 藏在桌子底下的手脚

正在无法控制地、极其细微地不断抖动着

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那双平日里总是亮晶晶的眼睛

此刻一片涣散和恍惚

脸色苍白得像纸

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整个人，都不对劲到了极点

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Lee Know 再也控制不住

大步走过去，停在他面前

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“Han。”

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没有回应

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Han 像是个失去了听觉的木偶

陷在自己的窒息里

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Lee Know 的心脏猛地一缩

顾不得镜头可能还在运行

抬手重重地在 Han 的肩膀上拍了一下

声音提高

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“知城！”

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“啊！！”

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Han 浑身剧烈地一颤

像是从什么可怕的噩梦里被生生拽出来一样

满眼惊恐地、极其被动地回头看向 Lee Know

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迟了五个星期的四目相对

Lee Know 总算看清了他眼底深不见底的防备

不仅如此

Han 的额头上，密密麻麻全是冷汗。

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Lee Know 的理智在这一刻彻底断线

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他沉着脸

一只手直接扣住 Han 发抖的手腕

强行把人从椅子上拉起来

一路拽到了休息室后面最僻静、最少人的安全通道拐角

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“你没事吧？”

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Lee Know 松开手，逼视着他

刚刚紧张急促的步伐

和现在强压下焦虑、极力放得温柔的语气

形成了强烈的对比

可他眼神里，全是要溢出来的焦躁和心疼

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“你手脚在抖，额头上全是汗。Han，你到底怎么了？！”

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“我没事。”

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Han 急促地喘了两口气

连想都没想

这个苍白的回应就脱口而出

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他的眼睛拼命地往地上躲避

就是死活不敢回视 Lee Know 那双写满关切的眼睛

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整整五星期

他都在用这种无声的姿态

抗拒着 Lee Know 的靠近

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那是一种近乎绝望的防御姿态

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他在拒绝他的关心

他在用最冷漠的围墙

把最爱他的二哥挡在外面

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6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtij4oVX0Hb

不对劲

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhFiwNFjSS

太古怪了

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqWN1sVmoM

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPP8QQTAbPo

可看着眼前人那近乎自残般的抗拒

Lee Know 垂在身侧的手紧了又松

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxP2GKnLfxb

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2l5yQCUD8

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6Fse2LCA0

“你...真的没事？”

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMLlQHWF9F

“我真的没事啊，哥！”

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4utbak7Ji

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXa8WfXFZ3

还在嘴硬

还是不愿告诉他

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRNJlz0xjY

最终，他也只能痛苦地把退路让了出来

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2Nyz8xV8n

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PtG5vszH4

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZxIytyUIe

“……没事就回休息室补妆。”

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqH3OwDDj8

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MW0q0kbuM

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLdQIenx84

Lee Know 最终还是把人放走了

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJQIX1e7hh

看着 Han 甚至带着一丝逃跑意味的匆忙背影

Lee Know 一个人站在阴暗的安全通道里

任由那股冰凉的无力感将自己刺穿

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjG5pn92Lj8

而他

只能眼睁睁地看着那道唯一能照进他生命里的光

离他越来越远

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhrtFGfUkl

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExIMu1uXGb

「Han 啊...」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMl2np2dKIc

「别这样...」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvoTGLF5Gw

「我到底哪里做错了，告诉哥。」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiijfqg6yvC

「哥真的...再也不能承受失去的代价了」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP000yI3lP3

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlthCa5VSYu

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcl9ajDDqj

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBIAsjZz7X

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXgSWaOVzi

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeldharBQtW

另一边，Han 躲进了卫生间的隔间

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIT1MLesmW

他走到洗脸盆前

扭开水龙头，用冰冷的水将脸彻底浸湿

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8sjZPkgql

他抬起头

看着镜子里湿淋淋的自己

觉得可笑至极

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWWW3IdhU9

他想笑

可却连牵动嘴角的力气都没有了

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0wYDFAI9F

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZIoQ9V1Kp

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJkdaba5zF

“哈啊...”

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HcENNP6Z2

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CiX8TbGed

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsiBT8Edg4

他无奈地对着洗脸盆吐出一口气

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47WDcy7W5p

冷水并没能让他清醒

心里的那股酸涩感

不仅没有被削薄

反而被黑暗无限放大

压得他连呼吸都无法平稳

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjf9Tm54dhx

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65mlTnA41V

「哥...」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSmZgFeWZE

「趁我还没彻底爆发之前」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0f5iJOCy3

「离我远点」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡou8FtDjIUh

「...别逼我」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSvjdF2rW5

「算我求你了...」

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcED5iR2hj

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOWOaoq752

他紧闭双眼

在这空无一人的密室里

脱力地靠着墙壁，朝着空气苦苦祈求着

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaJznWCKap

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBm4aYO7qtK

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FjhVeJxw0

在同一个建筑物里

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJeQOSIGSK

两个截然不同的角落

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kg2KinVYL

却散发着一模一样的，无处安放的寂寞

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxa0bO7dQK

6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYnp0bBJhG
6Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWvnDmuFuO

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