2026 年 7 月下旬。星期日,清晨。北角海濱長廊。58Please respect copyright.PENANAdVVlvRH2VW
北角海濱長廊,清晨的霧氣還沒散去,空氣裡帶著鹹腥的海水味。因為是星期日,這條路本來是街坊晨運、放狗的熱點,但今天卻被人為地製造了一個「路障」。58Please respect copyright.PENANAnFWj0i5OMp
白鶴門的人如約而至。除了那天的兩名弟子,正中間竟然擺著一張不知道從哪裡搬來的酸枝太師椅,上面坐著一位穿著深藍色長袍、留著羊咩鬚的老者,手裡還附庸風雅地拿著一柄鐵扇。他雙目微閉,那架勢確實像從清朝穿越過來的,完全無視旁邊晨運客「阻住條路呀阿伯」、「係咪拍戲呀」的指指點點。58Please respect copyright.PENANAjVpexUtlKV
「師叔,沈秀芳佢哋到咗。」58Please respect copyright.PENANAW6gXiLimWD
師父穿著平時去街市那套寬鬆運動裝,手裡還提著一袋剛買的腸粉,顯然是打算把這事解決了就回家吃早餐。阿初跟在後面,穿著整套灰色棉質運動服,一臉還沒睡醒的樣子。58Please respect copyright.PENANAT1dwmYAAep
至於阿敏,今天換上了 Uniqlo 的有帽薄風褸配上緊身瑜伽褲。產後恢復極佳的她,在那緊致的曲線與金絲眼鏡的加持下,展現出一種高冷的夏季美熟女氣質。她長髮隨意紮成馬尾,手裡拿著一部 iPhone Pro Max,看起來就像是剛做完 Yoga 的中產靚太,完全沒有「決鬥」的氛圍。58Please respect copyright.PENANAaXEfPB7uFx
「沈秀芳,三十年不見,妳依然毫無名門之風。」長袍老者睜開眼,聲音低沉,語氣充滿了那種令人尷尬的舞台感,「老夫白鶴門嘅雲中鶴——陸展飛。當年妳丈夫偷走我派信物『白鶴亮翅圖』,害我門派聲譽受損,今日妳若交唔出圖,就自廢武功,退出北角!」58Please respect copyright.PENANAcTkGHce4Xv
阿初聽完,差點沒忍住笑出聲。「雲中鶴」?陸展飛?這外號響亮得像是武俠小說裡活不過三章的龍套。還要自廢武功,退出北角?是看多了武俠小說?58Please respect copyright.PENANALT2imfQAGn
「雲中……咩話?」師父摳了摳耳朵,一臉嫌棄地看著陸老頭,「陸生,而家係 2026 年呀,唔係光緒年間。你個名咁響,係咪平時喺新光戲院做大戲㗎?仲有,嗰個死鬼李樸佳當年走佬,我仲想搵佢攞贍養費呀,你問我攞圖?我攞幅地圖畀你好唔好呀?」58Please respect copyright.PENANASJdgPlT0ko
「狂妄!」陸老頭鐵扇一合,「『白鶴亮翅圖』乃我派根基,失蹤三十年,妳作為佢妻子,責無旁貸!」58Please respect copyright.PENANA3Erdiyq2X9
這時,阿敏冷笑一聲,舉起手中的 iPhone Pro Max,踏前一步。58Please respect copyright.PENANAWLOJEW3iQf
「陸先生,你係咪有腦霧呀?」阿敏的語氣不是那種專業人士的冰冷,而是一種看著「維園阿伯」的憐憫與不耐煩:58Please respect copyright.PENANA4La2xEgVSR
「我係師父嘅屋企人。關於你提到嗰幅乜鬼圖,我問你兩個問題:第一,你有無報警紙?第二,你有無物品擁有權證明或者購買單據?」58Please respect copyright.PENANAMd2uGf4eiv
「妳……妳講咩單據?武林信物講個信字!」陸老頭氣得鬍鬚亂顫。58Please respect copyright.PENANAKKBysgSEAB
「無單據?無報警?」阿敏翻了個白眼,像是在教訓一個無理取鬧的推銷員,「三十年都唔報警,即係你自己都覺得唔見得光啦。阿初查過晒,當年李樸佳雖然係爛賭,但本來係八極門玉樹臨風嘅師兄,係你哋白鶴門有人設個局,引佢入去偷嘢,想屈佢過檔同你哋去做收數,點知佢夾帶私逃,成單嘢黃咗,係咪?」58Please respect copyright.PENANAJV35blFE21
陸老頭臉色一變,顯然被說中了痛處。58Please respect copyright.PENANAdemTEbwZd3
「既然係賊贓,你憑咩追?」阿敏手指在 iPhone 上飛快地按著計算機 App,「仲有,李樸佳走佬三十年,師父獨力生活,承受咗極大嘅心理創傷。我幫師父計過數,若果按三十年嘅單親撫養費、通脹、租金增長同埋精神損失計……」58Please respect copyright.PENANAHkhNdpZLkX
阿敏將 iPhone 屏幕那個顯示著天文數字的結果,直接隊到陸老頭面前:「你間『白鶴門』就算賣咗間武館,都未夠賠畀師父。你而家仲敢嚟攞嘢?我無代師父向你哋發律師信,追討你哋管教不嚴、搵門生三十年嚟不斷滋擾平民,已經係好大恩德。你仲喺度『雲中鶴』?我睇你似『雲中廢老』多啲!」58Please respect copyright.PENANAaXEbLrGiFf
陸老頭被阿敏這番「人話」噴得差點吐血。他這輩子習慣了講江湖規矩,哪裡見過這種開口就要單據、閉口就要賠錢的女人?他轉頭看向阿初:「你作為八極傳人,難道就縮喺女人背後,講呢啲歪理?」58Please respect copyright.PENANAN3BnG0pSvs
阿初嘆了口氣,走上前,拍了拍衣服上不存在的灰。58Please respect copyright.PENANAOTcRBCTxkG
「陸前輩,其實我老婆講嘅係常識。大家生活喺 2026 年,搵餐飯食都難。你為咗幅三十年前嘅舊畫,勞師動眾搬張太師椅過嚟阻住街坊晨運,值得咩?」阿初頓了頓,腳下隨意地踏前半步,使出一招「沈勁」,腳下那塊石磚發出「格」的一聲輕響。58Please respect copyright.PENANASHY3RqoXB0
「如果你真係想打,我陪你玩兩手。但打完之後,唔該你帶住你呢班弟子返去,唔好再騷擾我師父。因為如果你再嚟,我老婆份『巨額索償書』就真係會寄去你武館㗎喇。」58Please respect copyright.PENANA9SYOwDWMOt
「你……你哋八極門簡直係武林敗類!一個教拳阿嬸,一個社畜,加一個死港女!」陸老頭氣得收起鐵扇,跳下椅子,「好!今日老夫就睇下,你呢個社畜有幾多斤兩!」58Please respect copyright.PENANAD4Vg6BAc9t
58Please respect copyright.PENANAQKlCfg19AQ
【編劇夥伴吐糟】58Please respect copyright.PENANAeD8biAJzEW
阿敏的「瑜伽曲線」打擊:一個身材咁正、充滿現代活力嘅靚太,拎住部最新型號 iPhone 用「複息計算」去凌辱一個著長袍、擺太師椅嘅老古董,呢種「視覺」同「邏輯」嘅雙重衝擊,陸老頭未打都已經腦中風啦。58Please respect copyright.PENANAnMnoj6xwy7
58Please respect copyright.PENANAC4XuyLvGPW
單據擁有權證明:阿敏嗰句「你有無報警紙」真係絕。武林中人最驚就係官非,阿敏直接將「江湖恩怨」定性為「未報案嘅偷竊疑雲」,陸老頭瞬間變咗個「非法追債佬」。58Please respect copyright.PENANAWLtH2iKgqW
58Please respect copyright.PENANAN4LYK8iT40
禽類的盲點:陸老頭到依家都仲係叫阿初做「你」,完全唔知阿初係藥廠物流部副總經理。呢種資訊不對稱,令到阿初嘅「定勁」顯得更加高深莫測。58Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0PwJuH9RP
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我們都不是英雄
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ISSUE #36
白鶴亮翅
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