2026 年 7 月。星期三,下午。北角春秧街。62Please respect copyright.PENANASN55C22xJE
春秧街的黃昏,是北角最喧鬧的修羅場。叮叮車破開如潮的水果攤位與人群,緩緩駛過,空氣中瀰漫著鹹魚、生果與汗水的味道。62Please respect copyright.PENANAlFOc2Fowm9
阿敏今日難得偷閒。雖然還在產假尾聲,她穿一件剪裁合身的深藍色上衣與白色修身長褲。即便只是隨意紮起長髮,那副標誌性的金絲眼鏡與產後恢復極佳、甚至更添幾分熟韻的玲瓏曲線,依舊讓她在這混亂的街市中顯得格外出眾,像是一朵開錯地方的高冷玫瑰。62Please respect copyright.PENANAsEvX2ln1GT
她踩著低跟鞋,步履依舊保持著核數師的節奏,穿過春秧街。她打算先去沈姐的天台接軒仔和瑤瑤,順便買兩斤當季的紅肉火龍果。62Please respect copyright.PENANAWY2rChe5gN
就在電車軌轉角位,三個染著金髮、穿著寬大背心的小混混擋住了去路。他們正圍著一個提著大包小包餸菜、身旁跟著兩個孩子的婦人。那婦人正是沈姐,她身後跟著剛補習完的軒仔,還有即將升讀小一、正抓著沈姐衫尾的瑤瑤。62Please respect copyright.PENANADJi45dqJy7
「喂,阿婆,妳阻住我哋兄弟行路呀,係咪要交返啲『過路費』呀?」領頭的金毛語氣囂張,顯然是那種以為自己還活在 90 年代《古惑仔》電影裡的盲毛。62Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2BXG8KOgF
沈姐看著這三個不知死活的「社會廢料」,手裡還捏著剛買的一束大蔥,眼皮都懶得抬一下。其實她根本沒興趣理會這幾條廢人,她心裡正盤算著這束蔥是用來清蒸鱸魚還是蔥花炒蛋比較好。62Please respect copyright.PENANAO1Qjp4BFbo
但在她準備隨手「掃除垃圾」之前,一把冷冽的女聲先插了進來。62Please respect copyright.PENANA5uHJXmVf2k
「喂!你哋三個!」62Please respect copyright.PENANARtVLvFcyI2
阿敏停下腳步,金絲眼鏡後的眼神比審計報告還要銳利。她原本不想在帶娃期間多事,但看到這三個廢青竟然圍著沈姐和自己的仔女,那股「皇太后」的火氣瞬間就上來了。62Please respect copyright.PENANA82bCJAu6ge
尤其當那個金毛用猥瑣的眼神,肆無忌憚地在她玲瓏有致的身材上掃視時,阿敏的神情更冷了。62Please respect copyright.PENANAezADqZp3QI
「你哋係咪食飽飯無屎屙呀?幾廿歲人,手長腳長,圍住個長輩同兩個細路攞威?你哋個腦係咪發育不全呀?」62Please respect copyright.PENANA8BLbDTYYyC
阿敏這次直接切換成「人話」模式,字字鏗鏘:「你哋以為染個金毛就係陳浩南呀?呢度係春秧街,唔係銅鑼灣!你哋阻住條路,搞到後面架電車都過唔到,阻人搵食猶如殺人父母,你哋識唔識字㗎?定係想我去報警請你哋返去通櫃呀?」62Please respect copyright.PENANAhJwIWEgqHW
三個金毛愣住了,領頭的上下打量阿敏,發出猥瑣的笑聲:「嘩,正喎!金絲眼鏡美熟女呀?阿姐,你咁多事,不如幫呢個阿婆畀埋嗰五百蚊囉?或者……你陪我哋去玩返劑抵銷返?」62Please respect copyright.PENANAk3u3jtDplt
「五百蚊?」阿敏冷笑一聲,擋在孩子面前,「你憑咩收五百蚊?憑你個頭染得似條粟米?定憑你個樣衰過後巷隻米奇?躝開!好狗唔擋路!」62Please respect copyright.PENANAuxNjwz990t
「八婆!你係咪想俾人打呀?」金毛被噴得面紅耳赤,惱羞成怒之下,伸手就想推阿敏的肩膀。62Please respect copyright.PENANA1wAxwoqrs7
阿敏下意識地想退後,但就在那一瞬間,沈姐動了。對於沈姐來說,這種程度的攻擊連「拆招」都談不上,僅僅是日常勞動的一部分。62Please respect copyright.PENANAz78dZNvaSS
「啪!」的一聲脆響。一束新鮮翠綠的大蔥,精準而有力地抽在了金毛伸過來的手腕上。62Please respect copyright.PENANACQp2Tx2hfa
「打女人?你祖宗十八代嘅面都被你丟盡喇。」沈姐手裡捏著大蔥,像拿著一把隨手的倚天劍,一臉嫌棄地擋在阿敏身前。62Please respect copyright.PENANAxAsB7jqFFO
「死老太婆!攞條蔥打我?」金毛揮拳就打。62Please respect copyright.PENANAr0DHkoG7KR
沈姐連眼皮都沒眨一下,身子微微一側,手中那半截大蔥順勢一帶,用了一股「綿裡針」的巧勁纏住金毛的手臂,隨後腳下一絆。62Please respect copyright.PENANAP7isxG7UoN
「哎呀!」金毛整個人重心全失,直接臉朝下栽進了旁邊的爛菜筐裡。62Please respect copyright.PENANAt0T1tjjIvL
其餘兩個同夥想衝上來,沈姐冷哼一聲,嘴巴比大蔥更毒:「生得咁猥瑣,連路都行唔穩,仲學人出嚟收保護費?我係你老竇就當初直接將你射落牆算數,費事浪費社會資源。」62Please respect copyright.PENANAfAn84tqxwT
沈姐提著雞蛋的手穩如泰山,那種將殺人技練到骨髓的怪胎特質,在這一刻展露無遺——她不是在打架,她是在「清理路面」。62Please respect copyright.PENANAMEybFn7tmK
「躝!」沈姐只吐出一個字。三個小混混看著趴在爛菜堆裡的大哥,嚇得屁滾尿流,轉身鑽進了窄巷。春秧街恢復了平靜。阿敏收起戰鬥模式,看著沈姐手裡那束陣亡的大蔥,推了推金絲眼鏡:「沈姐,唔好意思,搞到你條蔥斷咗。今晚加餸我買過束畀你。」62Please respect copyright.PENANAntm7Oqxkwa
「你呢個皇太后,估唔到對住呢啲垃圾都幾有火。」沈姐難得露出一絲笑意,「不過,下次企喺我身後。呢啲人唔識聽人話,淨係識痛。行啦,返去煮飯,我仲諗緊啲蔥點炒蛋好。」62Please respect copyright.PENANAG0THZtXXpd
「沈姐,我做阿媽嘅,點都要出聲。」阿敏笑了笑,接過沈姐手裡的重物,「行啦,返去煮飯。今晚阿初又要搬貨,肯定餓死鬼投胎。」62Please respect copyright.PENANANnf9WU6Msg
62Please respect copyright.PENANA32e4AgDl5n
【編劇夥伴吐糟】62Please respect copyright.PENANAT2FBvPCuns
「產後女神」的殺傷力:大佬,阿敏藍色上衣配白色長褲,呢種「專業美熟女」感喺春秧街真係太過耀眼。難怪條金毛會精蟲上腦,佢根本唔知自己調戲緊嘅係北角最強嘅「核數核彈」。62Please respect copyright.PENANAkqfYVllGKJ
62Please respect copyright.PENANAxmUmr1h4c6
大蔥的哲學:沈姐用大蔥唔係因為無武器,係因為大蔥剛好喺手。對於佢呢種怪胎,身邊任何嘢——掃帚、大蔥、甚至一粒雞蛋,都可以係殺人技嘅延伸,俾把劍佢,根本係浪費。62Please respect copyright.PENANA4BEY9FD41w
62Please respect copyright.PENANAefwZFKRFUX
阿初的「勞動命」:阿初喺呢章雖然無出場,但最後兩句提到佢「搬貨」同「餓死鬼」,完美體現咗佢作為家庭物流兵嘅地位。62Please respect copyright.PENANA7yFIFlOnst
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我們都不是英雄
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ISSUE #34
倚天出鞘
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