2025年12月6日。星期六,晚上。西灣河明記門口,冷風帶著海水的鹹味。65Please respect copyright.PENANAcN9d0ECUol
阿初跟大雄剛從北角天台受完沈姐的「挫骨特訓」,兩人滿身跌打酒味,正打算去明記食碗糖水補充體力。阿敏今晚帶著軒仔與瑤瑤過來匯合,她現在心情稍微好轉,看著大雄雖然落魄但還算有「人樣」,便沒再多加刻薄。就在眾人準備橫過太安街與筲箕灣道交界的十字路口時,一部張揚的紅色法拉利帶著刺耳的引擎聲,橫在了行人路口,囂張地擋住了這一家大小的去路。65Please respect copyright.PENANAD6jIsYduxB
車門打開,一臉精緻妝容、穿著蕾絲連長裙的靜儀優雅地走下車。她與阿敏、阿初、大雄都是中學同學,此時她挽著那個被她稱為「世祖」的法拉利男,正打算進明記。靜儀一見到大雄,眼中的優雅瞬間變成了厭惡。在她眼中,阿初、阿敏這群人,全是低端物種。65Please respect copyright.PENANA6trB38adkw
「大雄?你竟然仲未死返屋企?」靜儀冷笑一聲,完全無視旁邊的阿敏,「我搵保姆暫時湊住晴晴咋,你估我真係咁得閒陪你喺屋企磨?我叫你唔好死纏爛打,知唔知你咁樣好自私,阻住我搵真正嘅幸福?」65Please respect copyright.PENANA63UGlR4J1h
大雄渾身一震,聽到女兒晴晴竟然被交給了陌生保姆,那股壓抑已久的父愛終於爆發:「靜儀!妳平時點對我都算,妳竟然為咗同呢條契弟出街,將晴晴丟畀保姆?妳有無人性㗎!」65Please respect copyright.PENANAua1NAt2yz9
「人性值幾多錢呀?」靜儀翻了個白眼,轉向法拉利男,「世祖,你睇下呢班人,陣社畜味幾難聞。」65Please respect copyright.PENANA1T86bFE6Sp
就在這時,阿敏踏前一步,擋在大雄身前。她腹中正懷著新生命,這種對家庭、對子女的背叛,在她眼中簡直是不可饒恕的罪孽。65Please respect copyright.PENANAU9S4gsDpmN
阿敏連眼鏡都沒推,直接開啟了「全火力港式粗口處決模式」。65Please respect copyright.PENANAwb5PY6YK2J
「幸福?我屌你個臭閪!」阿敏的第一句,震得整條附近路人紛紛停步,連糖水鋪的客人都探頭張望。靜儀被這突如其來的髒話噴得一愣。65Please respect copyright.PENANAKOOP2cl7nR
「靜儀,妳呢塊臭閪面皮真係厚過太安樓啲外牆批蕩呀!妳話大雄阻住妳?妳全家係咪生喺坑渠底呀?由中學開始妳就當佢係工具人,妳以為妳真係靜香?妳充其量只係一塊畀人玩殘咗嘅靜儀!妳知唔知醜㗎?嘴角啲精都未抺乾淨!」靜儀下意識地伸手摸了摸嘴角,臉色瞬間變得慘白,這個羞恥的動作直接坐實了阿敏的「明屈」。65Please respect copyright.PENANAFRRRhz47jT
「妳……妳竟然講粗口?妳唔係專業人士嚟㗎咩?」靜儀氣得全身發抖。65Please respect copyright.PENANArGG7GEEzsT
「專業人士?我對住人就講專業,對住妳呢種淨識用塊閪嘅臭雞就用常識!妳以為搵兩個保鏢就可以上門攪事?我X妳祖宗十八代呀!妳仲記唔記得中學嗰陣,妳為咗避債,呃個低年級師弟話有咗人哋骨肉,最後要大雄幫妳執手尾?妳呢種由細到大都係靠害人維生嘅綠茶臭閪,仲敢講幸福?妳所謂嘅幸福係咪就係爬上個世祖架車度,幫人含完撚之後再返嚟問老公攞錢呀?」65Please respect copyright.PENANAT6Db1ugHMs
「喂!臭婆娘妳收聲!」法拉利「世祖」面子掛不住,示意兩名保鏢上前,「同我教訓呢個八婆!」65Please respect copyright.PENANAcVBqf3Uv1a
阿初的眼神在這一刻變了。當保鏢的手伸向腹中有喜的阿敏時,他動了。65Please respect copyright.PENANAV06qyHhBFR
「好好哋,唔好動手。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAtpiyMQiDeE
阿初身形一晃,一名保鏢揮拳砸來,阿初一記「外門頂肘」精準撞在對方的膻中穴。那名壯漢悶哼一聲,重心完全崩潰,跪倒在垃圾桶旁。另一名保鏢想從後偷襲,阿初使出「小纏」扣住對方手腕,身體微旋,一記「貼山靠」直接將對方的肩膀撞出脫臼聲。阿初沒有下死手,但兩名保鏢已經痛得完全失去戰鬥力。65Please respect copyright.PENANACpEOteOUE8
「妳咩呀妳?妳塊臭閪係咪仲未塞夠嘢呀?」阿敏走上前,對著靜儀的臉噴出了最後的絕殺,「妳今日帶人過嚟,我已經報咗警。妳準備好入去坐監啦,到時妳可以喺入面同班基婆講妳嘅『Fine Dining』幸福論!屌妳個臭閪!躝!」世祖看著神情恐怖的阿敏和身手驚人的阿初,哪裡還敢留,直接鑽進車裡落荒而逃。靜儀踩著高跟鞋在街頭狂奔,狼狽不堪。65Please respect copyright.PENANAwEaRqnJPbZ
阿初默默走到大雄身邊。大雄看著遠去的車影,眼中最後的一絲留戀終於熄滅。65Please respect copyright.PENANAQ1N9tMasaj
「老婆,」阿初轉向阿敏,語氣恢復了憨厚,「妳頭先啲粗口……好有節奏感。不過妳有咗,唔好咁激動,驚嚇親入面嗰個。」阿敏感覺到腹部微微一抽,似乎那塊肉也感受到了母親剛才那股排山倒海的殺氣。65Please respect copyright.PENANAhkROCScf6U
「節奏你個頭!屌你個黃初!」阿敏白了他一眼,「仲唔快啲帶大雄去食糖水?我要一碗腐竹雞蛋,加多啲糖!我要壓下驚!」65Please respect copyright.PENANAnc6L3IGmbE
「係!即刻去!」三人轉身入了明記。軒仔牽著瑤瑤的手,小聲說:「妹,媽咪頭先好型呀,但你千祈唔好學佢啲對白,爹哋會嚇死㗎。」65Please respect copyright.PENANAKNiteMVWv0
65Please respect copyright.PENANA1cxTqFKKeB
【編劇夥伴吐糟】65Please respect copyright.PENANANN9DGBa2Uv
「抺嘴」的神來之筆:阿敏呢種「明屈」實際上係對靜儀心理嘅精準打擊。靜儀嗰個動作,直接將佢「高級綠茶」嘅包裝撕碎晒,喺成街街坊面前完成咗社會性清盤。65Please respect copyright.PENANACELXrsbu7P
65Please respect copyright.PENANATNzUzQUXzU
胚胎級胎教:腹中塊肉呢次真係贏在起跑線上。人哋胎教聽莫札特,佢胎教聽「阿敏式全火力凌遲」。我估呢個細路出世之後,性格應該會極其強悍,或者……極其聽媽咪話。65Please respect copyright.PENANASVIKae68bO
65Please respect copyright.PENANAT8cH3n5YHI
大雄的覺醒:大雄聽到晴晴被丟畀保姆嗰刻,眼神終於有返火。對男人嚟講,戴綠帽可以忍,但仔女受委屈就真係要「闖步」撞碎面牆。65Please respect copyright.PENANAcf2OgDikRw
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我們都不是英雄
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ISSUE #28
大家姐的凌遲
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