2025年12月5日。星期五,深夜 11:00。鯉景灣。67Please respect copyright.PENANASFkJRcocDR
大雄提著一個破爛的公事包,垂頭喪氣地踏進鯉景灣的家。阿初走在前面,手裡提著大雄的外衣。阿初現在其實不怎麼擔心阿敏會對他怎樣,畢竟短訊已經「報備」清楚,他現在唯一的擔心是:大雄滿身藍妹味,千萬不要整污糟客廳張地毯,否則阿敏真係會發火。67Please respect copyright.PENANAZX500Pyibc
阿敏穿著睡袍,手裡拿著平板電腦,正坐在沙發上。見到大雄那副失魂落魄的樣子,阿敏放下平板,眼神裡雖然依舊有刺,但更多的是一種看著「自家資產被外人惡意收購」的憤怒。67Please respect copyright.PENANABN7H9gt9gg
「大雄,你身上嗰陣藍妹加牛雜嘅味,已經超出了我呢間屋嘅空氣質素指標。」阿敏推了推眼鏡,聲音精準地刺破空氣,「阿初,帶佢去洗手間,用最熱嘅水,幫佢洗乾淨個腦。洗完之後,大雄你坐低。」67Please respect copyright.PENANAoBLWyZJtDP
「阿敏……對唔住,打擾晒。」大雄像隻落水狗一樣低聲下氣。67Please respect copyright.PENANAsIGmUvQU3H
「唔好同我講對唔住。細個讀中學嗰陣,我就同你講過,靜儀呢種女仔,眼角帶著三分媚、說話帶著五分嗲,係典型嘅『高級綠茶』。你當年話我偏激,話佢係『純情小花』。點呀?而家呢朵花係咪開得好燦爛,仲係唔係綠色嘅?」67Please respect copyright.PENANAKNQz5qgpm4
「老婆,好好哋……大雄已經好慘喇。」阿初一邊幫大雄拿拖鞋,一邊小聲求情。67Please respect copyright.PENANAaxfsSqZap6
「慘?慘就唔使計數呀?」阿敏冷笑一聲,直接進入皇太后審計模式,「大雄,我哋係中學同學,我唔會睇住你被人當提款機。你聽日開始,將你過去三年所有家用、保險費、甚至係你買畀佢嘅每一個名牌袋嘅收據全部搵返出嚟。既然佢話你『社畜味』重,我會幫你計算下,呢陣味值幾多錢。女人嘅直覺話我聽,佢唔單止係出軌,佢仲可能一早轉移緊你啲資產。我要佢連呢幾年食過嘅魚子醬都嘔返出嚟!」67Please respect copyright.PENANABLiSXx6fVl
大雄聽得一愣一愣,原本心碎的痛,竟然被阿敏那股「殺全家」的理財氣勢衝散了不少。當晚,大雄被安置在廚房旁那個強行間出來的「工人房」。雖然狹窄,但阿初覺得,對大雄來說,這可能是這幾天來最安全的地方。67Please respect copyright.PENANAyDm9cNbTMk
隔天一早(12月6日),阿初沒讓大雄留在家裡受阿敏的低氣壓測試,而是直接拉著他去了北角天台。沈姐正拿著大剪刀在修剪那盆「死而復生」的勒杜鵑。一看見大雄,沈姐就重重地哼了一聲,那聲哼帶著八極拳的鼻音,震得大雄心頭一顫。67Please respect copyright.PENANABy4gtrejvZ
「師父……」大雄弱弱地叫了一聲。67Please respect copyright.PENANAz5TLe1tKAN
「仲知我係師父呀?我以為你一早升咗仙,去咗飲紅酒食牛扒添。」沈姐把剪刀往石桌上一拍,「過嚟!扎馬!」67Please respect copyright.PENANAArxoBr2cUT
「師父,我今日……」67Please respect copyright.PENANAVdVVgbfPwu
「我理你今日係戴綠帽定係戴紅帽!男人心碎,係因為血氣唔通;腰骨軟,係因為底氣不足。」沈姐二話不說,直接一腳踢在大雄的膝窩,大雄「砰」一聲跪在地上。阿初想上去扶,被沈姐一個眼神瞪了回去。67Please respect copyright.PENANAroA80JYyAf
「阿初,你喺隔籬練你嘅『劈掌』!呢個廢柴,我親自教訓。」沈姐抓起大雄的領口,像拎小雞一樣把他拎起來,「你覺得痛呀?你老婆背住你同人搞嘢嗰陣,你唔覺痛?你辛辛苦苦搵錢畀人去風花雪月嗰陣,你唔覺痛?而家我踢你一腳你就叫痛?」67Please respect copyright.PENANAvuAjMj0JyZ
沈姐一邊逼大雄扎馬,一邊用那種「跌打式」的粗暴手法,在大雄僵硬的肩膀上猛力揉按。67Please respect copyright.PENANAXsQHgDeC5l
「大雄你記住,八極有一招叫『闖步』。你人生遇到牆,你唔係去求面牆走開,係要成個人撞入去,將面牆撞碎!你老婆唔要你,係佢無眼光;你想去死,係你無骨氣。同我出力!打呢個沙包!」67Please respect copyright.PENANAFVO68ichWm
大雄看著那個滿是補丁的沙包,內心深處積壓的憤怒、委屈、不甘,終於爆發了。67Please respect copyright.PENANAoOOExcUQHF
「呀——!」大雄咆哮一聲,用盡全身力氣,一記完全不合規格、卻充滿恨意的重拳揮向沙包。67Please respect copyright.PENANAW8jFm9608B
「砰!」沙包劇烈晃動。67Please respect copyright.PENANAK2GWPTdjFD
沈姐看著大雄滿臉汗水與淚水混合的樣子,這才微微點頭,語氣稍微放軟了一點:「喊咩呀?男人老狗,喊就要喺天台喊,唔好返去鯉景灣嚇親我個徒孫。聽日繼續過嚟,我幫你練返好條腰,等你可以直起身去同阿敏搞嗰啲咩『資產審計』。」67Please respect copyright.PENANApZ5kFL59BO
阿初在一旁看著,心裡發現,雖然大雄今天被打得遍體鱗傷,但眼神裡那股死灰色的絕望,終於透出了一點火星。這場中年的「綠色危機」,在皇太后的法治精神與師父的暴力美學共同夾擊下,終於有了轉機。67Please respect copyright.PENANACCYwf37kxv
67Please respect copyright.PENANAkjH2wXYTzX
Step 7:【編劇夥伴吐糟】67Please respect copyright.PENANAH49CnIFuen
阿敏的「同學愛」:阿敏鬧大雄老婆做「高級綠茶」,其實係一種遲嚟嘅「我一早話咗你」嘅關懷。對佢嚟講,大雄被人呃錢,簡直係對「中學精英圈」嘅侮辱,所以佢一定要幫大雄贏返晒啲「魚子醬」返嚟。67Please respect copyright.PENANARwcYtYXhN2
67Please respect copyright.PENANAxU1uQkZOkr
阿初的生存轉移:阿初而家聰明咗,佢知道阿敏唔會遷怒佢,但會遷怒「污糟嘢」。所以佢第一時間係叫大雄去洗腦(洗澡),呢種對皇太后心理嘅精準捕捉,先至係真功夫。67Please respect copyright.PENANA0VjPwVpJjE
67Please respect copyright.PENANA7SLH1dky9e
沈姐的「挫骨療傷」:沈姐嘅邏輯好直接:心痛係因為你太閒。只要你身體夠痛,你就會發現戴綠帽其實都係一種可以透過「闖步」撞碎嘅障礙。67Please respect copyright.PENANAVUPxCiOl6L
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我們都不是英雄
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我們都不是英雄
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ISSUE #27
暴力療傷
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