Retno memperhatikan tangan Nizar yang cekatan. Lincah, tapi tetap sopan.
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Tidak ada gerakan berlebihan. Remaja itu tampak sangat menghormatinya, tanpa terlihat canggung atau dibuat-buat.
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"Saya sering dengar cerita dari Bi Inah, katanya, selain tampan dan pintar, kamu juga anak yang gak gengsian. Sekarang saya buktikan sendiri, Zar" ujar Retno sambil duduk di bangku kecil pinggir trotoar.
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Nizar terkekeh, menyodorkan bubur dengan irisan cakwe, suwiran ayam kampung, dan taburan seledri serta bawang goreng yang menggoda.
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"Makasih, Bu Haji. Saya cuma belajar dari Bapak. Katanya, mau sepintar apa pun kita, jangan pernah malu sama kerja halal."
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Retno mengangguk pelan.
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"Bapakmu benar. Dunia butuh lebih banyak anak muda seperti kamu..."
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Mereka lalu berbincang ringan.
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Tentang pesantren, tentang pelajaran yang paling disukai Nizar, tentang rencana kuliah yang masih samar. Nizar bercerita dengan nada jujur, tanpa ambisi berlebihan.
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“Insyaallah mau lanjut kuliah, Bu,” katanya. “Cuma belum tahu di mana. Yang penting jalan dulu.”
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Retno tersenyum. “Yang penting memang niatnya.”
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Nizar lalu ragu sejenak sebelum bertanya, “Kalau Gifar… rencananya mau ke mana, Bu?”
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Retno mengaduk buburnya perlahan. “Saya nggak tahu pasti,” jawabnya jujur.
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“Dia jarang cerita.”
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“Oh,” Nizar mengangguk, menerima jawaban itu apa adanya. “Semoga saja apa pun pilihannya, dimudahkan.”
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“Aamiin,” kata Retno.
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Ada jeda singkat di antara mereka. Tidak canggung, hanya sunyi kecil yang hangat. Retno menyuap buburnya, merasakan gurih yang sederhana namun memuaskan.
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“Enak,” katanya tulus.
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Nizar tersenyum lebar, seperti seseorang yang baru saja mendapat kabar baik.
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“Alhamdulillah.”
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Di pagi itu, di bangku kecil pinggir taman, Retno merasa sesuatu mengendur di dalam dadanya. Obrolan ringan, tanpa tuntutan.
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Tanpa peran yang harus dijaga. Hanya dua orang yang berbagi pagi, bubur hangat, dan percakapan yang jujur.
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Retno mengaduk buburnya pelan, sendoknya beradu halus dengan mangkuk.
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Ia tidak langsung bicara. Seperti sedang menimbang sesuatu yang sejak tadi menggelitik di dadanya.
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“Zar,” katanya akhirnya, suaranya diturunkan sedikit,
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“boleh saya tanya yang agak serius?”
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Nizar mendongak.
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“Boleh, Bu.”
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Retno menarik napas pendek. “Kamu juga tinggal sama ayah dan ibu tiri, kan?”
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“Iya,” jawab Nizar mantap.
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“Sejak ibu kandung saya wafat.”
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Retno mengangguk. “Tapi… kamu kelihatan dekat sekali dengan ibu tirimu. Natural. Nggak ada jarak.” Ia tersenyum kecil, lalu jujur.
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“Saya kadang bingung. Gifar seusia kamu, dulu bahkan sahabatmu. Tapi ke saya, dia seperti selalu pasang tembok.”
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Nizar tidak langsung menjawab. Ia menurunkan pandangan, memikirkan kata-kata yang tepat. Tangannya sibuk merapikan sendok di gerobak, meski sebenarnya sudah rapi.
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“Kalau menurut saya, Bu,” katanya perlahan,
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“bukan karena Ibu kurang berusaha.”
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Retno menoleh, matanya penuh perhatian.
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“Waktu SMP dulu,” lanjut Nizar,
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“Gifar sering cerita. Tapi bukan soal Ibu secara langsung.”
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“Cerita apa?” tanya Retno lembut.
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“Dia bingung sama perasaannya sendiri,” ujar Nizar jujur.
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“Dia sayang sama ayahnya, tapi juga ngerasa dunia berubah cepat sekali buat dia. Ayahnya menikah lagi, punya kehidupan baru… dan Gifar belum siap.”
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Retno terdiam. Kalimat itu jatuh pelan, tapi terasa berat.
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“Dia pernah bilang,” Nizar melanjutkan, suaranya tetap tenang,
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“kalau menjaga jarak itu caranya bertahan. Bukan karena benci, tapi masih belum bisa melupakan almarhum ibunya. Lebih ke… takut kalau terlalu dekat, nanti malah makin sakit.”
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Retno menunduk. Ada denyut halus di dadanya. “Jadi bukan karena saya?”
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Nizar menggeleng. “Bukan. Bahkan dia sering bilang, Ibu itu baik. Terlalu baik, katanya.”
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Retno tersenyum tipis, getir sekaligus lega.
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“Lucu ya… orang dewasa sering mengira diam itu tanda penolakan. Padahal bisa jadi cuma kebingungan.”
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“Iya, Bu,” sahut Nizar. “Anak seusia kami dulu nggak selalu tahu cara ngomong. Jadi yang keluar malah sikap.”
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Retno menatap pemuda di depannya. Di usianya yang masih belia, kata-kata Nizar terdengar matang, tidak menghakimi siapa pun.
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“Kalau kamu sendiri?” tanya Retno.
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“Kenapa bisa dekat dengan ibu tirimu?”
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Nizar tersenyum kecil.
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“Karena beliau datang ke hidup saya bukan buat menggantikan siapa-siapa. Beliau cuma hadir. Dengerin. Nggak maksa saya manggil apa pun.”
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Retno mengangguk pelan. Kalimat itu menempel di benaknya.
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“Kadang,” lanjut Nizar,
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“yang bikin orang dekat itu bukan status, tapi rasa aman.”
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Angin pagi berembus pelan. Retno menatap sisa buburnya, lalu mengangkat wajah dengan senyum yang lebih tenang.
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“Terima kasih, Zar,” katanya tulus. “Saya merasaa… jadi lebih mengerti sekarang.”
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Nizar tersenyum balik.
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“Sama-sama, Bu. Insyaallah, Gifar juga suatu hari bakal bisa bicara. Dengan caranya sendiri.”
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Retno mengangguk. Pagi itu terasa sedikit lebih ringan. Bukan karena semua terjawab, tapi karena ia akhirnya memahami bahwa jarak tidak selalu berarti penolakan. Kadang, itu hanya jeda yang belum selesai waktunya.
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Bagi Retno, momen itu terasa seperti oase. Tak ada pandangan sinis, tak ada gosip. Hanya percakapan jujur, hangat, dan membumi.
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Di hadapannya duduk seorang pemuda yang bersinar-bukan karena ketampanannya semata, tapi karena kesederhanaan yang tulus.
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Saat mangkuk buburnya nyaris habis, Retno meletakkan sendok perlahan.
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"Enak sekali, Zar. Saya bakal sering-sering ke sini, boleh kan?"
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"Wah, boleh banget, Bu. Tapi jangan sampai bapak saya tersingkir, ya," canda Nizar, keduanya tertawa.
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Angin berembus lagi. Ringan. Tidak menusuk seperti hari-hari sebelumnya.
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Dan saat Retno berdiri untuk pulang, ada sesuatu yang menghangat di dadanya.
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Bukan cinta. Tapi semacam rasa syukur... bahwa dunia ini masih banyak anak muda yang bisa berpikir dewasa dan mau terbuka.
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"Zar..." ucapnya sebelum pergi, "kapan-kapan, kalau kamu nggak sibuk, mampir ke rumah ya. Kita diskusi sambil minum teh."
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Nizar mengangguk cepat, wajahnya berseri. "Dengan senang hati, Bu Haji."
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Langkah Retno ringan saat memasuki rumah. Di wajahnya terselip senyum tipis yang belum juga pupus. Bi Inah yang sedang menyapu lantai depan langsung menghentikan gerakannya.
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Alisnya terangkat, matanya menyipit curiga, tapi juga penuh harap.
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"Eh... eh... itu Bu Haji? Apa jangan-jangan kembarannya? Soalnya saya kayak lihat orang yang senyum-senyum abis menang undian berhadiah!"
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Retno terkekeh.
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"Ah kamu, lebay, Bi."
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Bi Inah meletakkan gagang sapu dan menyenderkan tangan ke pinggang.
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"Lho, Bu... biasanya habis subuh Ibu udah pasang wajah galau, sehabis lari malah cerah sekali!"
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Retno menutup mulutnya sambil tertawa. Ada kelegaan dalam tawa itu. Tawa yang sudah lama tidak terdengar di rumah besar yang biasanya dipenuhi keheningan dan tekanan.
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"Saya cuma jalan-jalan, Bi. Liat-liat suasana, terus mampir beli bubur..."
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"Bubur Mang Basri ya?" Bi Inah menoleh cepat, matanya berbinar.
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"Duh... itu sih bubur favorit emak-emak kompleks! Tapi, biasanya kalau sedang ada Nizar, yang ngantri itu banyak banget... demi senyum manis Nizar hahaha..." serunya dengan suara menggoda.
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Retno menaikkan alisnya, setengah pura-pura tak tahu. "Nizar?"
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Bi Inah langsung nyengir, mendekat sambil membawa sapu.
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"Duh, Bu... masa pura-pura sih? Emang saya gak lihat tuh senyum-senyum Ibu dari ujung gang. Tuh anak emang bikin hati hangat. Anak pesantren, tapi gak gengsi bantuin Bapaknya. Dan... aduuuhh itu senyumnya kayak embun pagi di kelopak daun pisang!"
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"Ih, Bi... bisa aja kamu..." Retno menepuk lembut lengan Bi Inah, menahan tawa.
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"Hahaha. Tapi serius, saya senang loh lihat Ibu bisa senyum lagi. Biasanya yang Ibu menatap pagi-pagi itu langit-langit kamar, sekarang tatapannya kayak abis ketemu cahaya baru."
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Retno tersenyum lembut. Ia duduk di kursi rotan dekat jendela, membiarkan sinar matahari menerpa wajahnya. Suasana rumah pagi itu terasa berbeda. Lebih hidup. Lebih hangat.
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"Bi," ucapnya pelan,
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"Aku gak tahu ini langkah kecil atau besar, tapi pagi ini... aku merasa kayak kembali hidup. Rasanya kayak... aku boleh bahagia lagi."
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Bi Inah terdiam sebentar. Lalu dengan suara serak yang ditahan agar tak terdengar haru, ia berkata,
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"Ibu dari dulu memang pantas bahagia. Cuma kadang... semesta butuh waktu buat membayar semua sabar Ibu. Dan saya di sini, siap bantu Ibu dapetin semua itu, termasuk si ganteng Nizar itu."
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Retno menatap pembantunya yang lebih mirip sahabat, bahkan kadang seperti kakak sendiri.
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"Terima kasih, Bi. Tapi Nizar bukan prioritas saya, dia masih terlalu muda."
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Bi Inah menyentuh dadanya sendiri, dramatis. "Ih, Bu... jangan gitu dong. Muda kalau bisa bikin bahagia, why not. Kalau saya boleh saran-besok-besok saya temenin deh beli buburnya. Biar Nizar-nya bingung, pilih senyumin saya atau senyuman Ibu!"
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Keduanya tertawa bersama. Bi Inah sama sekali tak tahu kalau hati Retno pernah tertambat juga oleh Egar.
ns216.73.216.133da2
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