Dapur pagi itu hangat oleh aroma bawang putih yang ditumis pelan.
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Cahaya matahari menembus kisi jendela, jatuh di lantai keramik yang bersih, memantulkan bayangan Retno yang berdiri bersandar di meja. Ia sudah mengenakan setelan olahraganya.
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Bi Inah sibuk mengaduk sayur di wajan, gerakannya cekatan seperti biasa.
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Perempuan itu sudah puluhan tahun bekerja di rumah Pak Gofur, lebih lama dari usia pernikahan Retno sendiri. Rambutnya disanggul sederhana, wajahnya tenang, namun matanya tajam membaca suasana.
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5kKyAjs9c
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“Bu, sarapannya mau yang ringan saja?” tanya Bi Inah tanpa menoleh.
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“Iya, Bi. Apa saja,” jawab Retno, suaranya terdengar lelah tapi juga lega, seperti seseorang yang baru selesai menumpahkan beban pada pagi.
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Bi Inah melirik sekilas. “Mau lari pagi lagi, ya?”
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Retno mengangguk.
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Ia mengambil segelas air putih, meminumnya perlahan.
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“Kalau tidak begitu, rasanya badan ini seperti terkurung, Bi.”
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Bi Inah tersenyum tipis. “Ibu masih muda. Wajar kalau badannya minta bergerak terus.”
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvEJPScVqw
Kalimat itu sederhana, namun membuat Retno terdiam sejenak. Masih muda. Kata-kata yang jarang ia dengar belakangan ini, bahkan dari dirinya sendiri.
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9y2jQdYYFW
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“Kadang saya lupa, Bi,” katanya pelan.
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“Umur saya baru tiga lima, tapi hidup rasanya seperti sudah berjalan terlalu serius. Terlalu tua.”
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYsLSlVhXr
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Bi Inah mematikan kompor, lalu berbalik menghadap Retno. Tatapannya lembut, tidak menggurui.
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE28Ibi9QM
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoptDGLi0kU
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“Ibu cantik, sehat, energik. Sayang kalau cuma disimpan.”
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjF1UsiVSLo
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Retno tersenyum hambar. “Disimpan buat siapa, Bi? Pak Gofur hampir selalu di kantor. Pulang
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udah malam, pikirannya masih kerja, kerja, kerja.”
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOP5myZlDdX
Ia tidak bermaksud mengeluh, tapi kalimat itu keluar begitu saja, seperti uap dari panci yang terlalu lama dipanaskan.
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWsqcFodOp
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Bi Inah menarik kursi dan duduk. Untuk sesaat, dapur itu bukan lagi ruang kerja, melainkan ruang bicara dari hati ke hati.
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2974Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zVhXrKyt0
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“Pak Haji memang begitu dari dulu. Kerja itu dunianya. Tapi hidup bukan cuma milik orang yang sibuk, Bu.”
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Retno menatap meja. Jarinya menggambar pola tak jelas di permukaan kayu.
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“Saya tahu tugas saya sebagai istri. Menunggu, mendukung, mengerti. Tapi kadang saya merasa… kosong.”
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Bi Inah mengangguk pelan, seperti seseorang yang sudah lama memahami kalimat itu bahkan sebelum diucapkan.
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“Hidup itu bukan cuma tentang bertahan, Bu. Sesekali harus dinikmati. Tertawa, merasa cantik, merasa diinginkan. Itu bukan dosa.”
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Retno mengangkat wajahnya. Ada getar halus di matanya. “Apa saya egois kalau ingin lebih?”
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“Egois itu kalau mengambil hak orang lain,” jawab Bi Inah ringan.
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“Kalau cuma ingin merasakan hidup sendiri, itu namanya manusia.”
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Di luar, terdengar suara burung dan aktivitas pagi yang terus berjalan. Retno menarik napas dalam.
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Kata-kata Bi Inah tidak memerintah, tidak menghakimi, tapi seperti kunci kecil yang diam-diam membuka pintu di dalam dirinya.
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Ia tersenyum, kali ini lebih utuh.
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“Terima kasih, Bi.”
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Bi Inah berdiri kembali, melanjutkan pekerjaannya sambil terkekeh kecil.
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“Sama-sama, Bu. Jangan lupa, hidup ini bukan cuma untuk dijalani. Tapi juga untuk dirasakan.”
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Di dapur itu, di antara wajan dan cahaya pagi, Retno merasa ada sesuatu yang mulai bergerak lagi di dalam dirinya. Bukan pemberontakan, bukan penyesalan.
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Hanya kesadaran halus bahwa dirinya masih ada, masih hidup, dan masih berhak menikmati hari.
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Setelah sarapan ringan, Retno merapikan setelan olahraga biru langit yang jatuh pas di tubuhnya.
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Tak berlebihan, tak pula mencolok, namun cukup untuk memancarkan sesuatu yang sulit diabaikan.
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Kerudung instan berbahan ringan menempel lembut, sesekali bergeser mengikuti angin pagi yang menyapu langkahnya saat ia menyusuri jalanan kompleks yang mulai terjaga oleh aktivitas warga.
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Beberapa hari terakhir ia selalu memilih rute yang sama. Berangkat dari gerbang rumah, berlari kecil melewati lapangan mungil, lalu berakhir di sudut taman kompleks yang teduh.
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Rutinitas sederhana itu biasanya cukup untuk menenangkan pikiran.
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Namun pagi ini terasa berbeda.
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Ada bayangan Egar yang ingin ia singkirkan, atau setidaknya ditekan dalam-dalam.
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Bu Yani, ibu tirinya, sempat bilang bahwa pemuda itu kini pindah kerja, tinggal di kos-kosan daerah kota, entah kapan pulangnya.
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Sejak dekat dengan Egar, ada sesuatu yang berubah dalam diri Retno. Ia mulai menyadari potensi yang selama ini seakan tertidur. Setiap langkah kakinya kini membawa niat lain.
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Jika dulu ia berlari sekadar untuk menjaga tubuh dan menenangkan hati, kini ada percik keberanian baru yang ikut berdenyut.
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Ia ingin dilihat. Bukan oleh suaminya, melainkan oleh dunia yang selama ini hanya mengenalnya
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sebagai “istri muda yang setia”.
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Tatapan-tatapan itu pun mulai terasa. Dari pos ronda, dari warung kopi di ujung jalan, dari lelaki paruh baya yang menyiram bunga dengan selang hijau, hingga anak-anak muda yang berpura-pura serius bermain bola di pagi buta. Retno
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Merasakannya seperti arus halus, tak menyentuh, namun jelas ada.
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Ada yang hanya melirik. Ada yang menatap penuh kekaguman diam-diam. Ada pula yang menyapa dengan senyum gugup.
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"Sehat selalu ya, Bu Haji!"
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Retno membalas dengan senyum tipis. Senyum seorang perempuan yang tahu ia sedang diperhatikan, tapi tak memberi lebih dari yang seharusnya.
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Ia berjalan terus, anggun tapi ringan, langkahnya membawa aroma bunga dan teka-teki.
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Di dalam hatinya, ada rasa hangat aneh yang belum pernah ia rasakan sejak lama.
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Bukan cinta. Bukan pula nafsu. Tapi semacam... pengakuan.
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Bahwa tubuh ini masih layak diinginkan. Bahwa pesona ini belum mati. Dan bahwa ia masih bisa membuat dunia menoleh, tanpa harus membuka hati.
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Di taman kecil di ujung blok C, Retno berhenti sejenak, mengatur napas. Ia duduk di bangku taman yang menghadap ke kolam ikan mungil. Angin pagi menyapu wajahnya, mengeringkan sisa peluh di pelipisnya.
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Sesekali, ia memejamkan mata, menikmati momen itu seperti perempuan yang baru saja menemukan kembali dirinya sendiri,
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setelah lama hilang dalam bayang-bayang yang entah mengapa, kini dia merasa jika suami tuanya hanyalah sebuah bayangan yang terlalu sibuk dengan urusan pekerjaannya. Lelaki yang hanya menitipkan rumah padanya.
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Di kejauhan, sayup-sayup terdengar suara lelaki muda yang bercanda dengan temannya.
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"Gila ya, umur segitu masih cantik banget..."
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Retno tak menoleh. Tapi senyumnya tak bisa ia tahan. Dalam hati ia berbisik,
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"Aku belum selesai. Hidupku belum usai. Dan mulai hari ini, kalian akan tahu siapa aku sebenarnya."
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Dibuat enak dan natural, terutama obrolan Nizar dan Retno dibagian akhir.
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Langkah Retno terhenti sejenak di depan gerobak biru yang sudah akrab di mata warga kompleks: gerobak bubur ayam Mang Basri.
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Asap tipis mengepul dari panci besar di atas kompor portabel, menguar aroma gurih yang menggoda selera indera penciuman.
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Biasanya, Retno hanya melewati tempat itu dengan senyum atau anggukan ringan. Sarapan baginya adalah urusan rumah, urusan Bi Inah.
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Tapi pagi ini lain. Entah karena ia ingin mencicipi rasa yang selama ini hanya terdengar dari cerita warga, atau karena diam-diam, ia sedang ingin melihat dunia dari tempat yang lebih sederhana.
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Namun yang benar-benar membuat langkahnya limbung sesaat, adalah kenyataan bahwa bukan Mang Basri yang berdiri di balik gerobak itu. Tapi anak sulungnya.
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"Nizar?" gumam Retno, nyaris tak percaya.
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Pemuda itu menoleh, senyum langsung mengembang di wajahnya yang bersih.
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Mata jernih itu menyala seperti dulu, saat masih sering main ke rumahnya bersama Gifar anak tirinya. Nizar sebaya dengan Gifar, kelas tiga SMA.
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"Assalamu'alaikum, Bu Haji!" sapanya ramah, suara beratnya hangat dan bersahaja.
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"Wa'alaikumussalam, Zar... Astaga, ini kamu? Udah segede ini, ya?" Retno tertawa kecil, matanya berbinar.
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Ada rasa lega yang aneh melihat wajah familiar yang tulus dan tidak menghakimi. Postur tubuhnya jangkung.
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Nizar tersenyum lebar. "Iya, Bu Haji. Kbetulan sedang libur di pesantren. Sekalian bantu Bapak, beliau lagi ke pasar katanya mau belanja bahan bubur buat dua hari ke depan."
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"Oh gitu. Saya baru pertama kali mau coba buburnya, loh..." ujar Retno sambil menyingkap sedikit ujung kerudungnya ke belakang, agar angin tak meniupnya ke wajah.
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Nizar tertawa ringan. "Wah, suatu kehormatan! Tapi jujur saya jadi deg-degan, Bu... semoga bubur racikan saya nggak mengecewakan Ibu,"
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katanya sambil mulai meracik semangkuk bubur.
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“Oh iya, gimana kabarnya Gifar, Bu?”
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“Gifar kan tinggal sama Mbak Ghea, jarang kasih kabar, saya sendiri gak tahu, hehehe.” jawab Retno apa adanya.
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“Oh iya…” balas Nizar sambil mulai meracik bubu ayam pesanan Retno.
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