The alarm clock blares in my ear, demanding my attention. I sit up with a start, eyes wide with surprise and realization at my sudden awakening. Waking up to this alarm clock never gets any easier. My mom says that going back to our “roots” is what keeps us grounded and strong. I’m just hoping she doesn’t see the fallacy in that and force a rooster to wake me up at dawn every morning.
Begrudgingly, I pull the covers off of my tired body and take a few steps away from my bed. I’m face to face with the mirror that I hate looking at every day. It shows the true reality of my appearance: smile lines, pimples that refuse to pop, and eye bags that scream for more sleep. I keep imagining that I’m going to be the type to refuse any guy that asks me out and that is how I won’t find love; but, frankly, my looks might complete the goal for me. Whatever, more power to me, I guess.
I avert my eyes from the dreadful mirror and turn my attention to my closet. In it, there were lines of thrifted clothes from every era waiting to be chosen by me. With this, I could be anybody I wanted. I could choose to be a cat lady that crochets all day, I could be a teenage girl with long wavy hair roaming around an abandoned library dark-academia style, or I could just be a teenage girl that wears a hoodie and a pair of jeans with a classy pair of Converse. The possibilities were seemingly endless. This morning, I chose to be normal. Something about the circumstances of me waking up and seeing myself in the mirror told me that I didn’t deserve to be a cat lady or an aspiring bookworm. I threw on my favorite pair of white jeans and my favorite YALE hoodie. It was navy with white, Times New Roman letters that spelled out “Yale”. That was it. Sure, to anyone else, it wasn’t special. But, to me, it felt like the first step to one of my goals. For anyone that doesn’t remember, here are my goals: go to my dream college (Yale, of course), become a successful entrepreneur and throw all of those sleazy old men in the dust (respectfully and professionally, of course), and NOT find love. They say that you have to dress the part to be the part, so the hoodie is obviously necessary.
After putting on my navy and white outfit of the day, I stepped into the bathroom, where another dreadful mirror stared at me. Once again, I averted my eyes and focused my attention on my purple toothbrush sitting in the holder. I grabbed my toothbrush and squirted on, probably, too much toothpaste and put it to my face. I began timing myself, for two minutes, in my head and started scrubbing. Even though I woke up the same as I always do and did everything that I normally do, something felt off about today. I usually had a sixth sense for off days. I knew something was going to happen before it happened with record numbers and I had my best friend, Amy, keeping track of it for me. I knew something was going to happen the day my best friend was, kind of suddenly, asked out by her, now, boyfriend. I knew something was going to happen when I found my mom in happy tears after she found out she got her dream job. I even knew something was going to happen when my dad suddenly left without returning. I’m not sure how this supposed “sixth sense” came about, but it has yet to fail me. The only thing, however, is that I had a pretty good idea on who was going to be involved in the “something happened”. But, today, I couldn’t place anyone that could be involved. I thought of my best friend, my mom, my deadbeat dad, and even Amy’s boyfriend; but, none of them fit the profile of this “something happened”. I tried to ignore it, but something didn’t feel right about an unknown in the equation. Was my amazing intuition failing me? If so, then there goes my streak that Amy was keeping track of. Wait a minute, how long have I been brushing my teeth?
The toothbrush stopped in my mouth as I tried to recall what number I was on. 86 seconds? 92 seconds? Past 120 seconds? I couldn’t remember, so I rinsed my toothbrush with a sigh. I took a paper cup and filled it with tap water, running from the bathroom sink. I swished and gurgled the toothpaste suds throughout my mouth and spit. I went back to my room and checked my alarm clock. I had ten minutes before I had to leave. How long had I been brushing my teeth, seriously? I quickly grabbed my backpack hanging from a peg at my bedroom door and rushed downstairs. I almost collided with my mom as she was approaching the counter with a carton of eggs. Like a cartoon character, I halted to a stop on the back of my heels.
“Darling! You’re just in time for breakfast.”, she said spiritedly. She set the carton of eggs down with a smile. The corners of her eyes creased and her smile lines showed, despite what she had to go through.
“I’ve already made the toast, and the bacon is just about done. Sit down, why don’t you? I feel like I never get to see you.”
There was a slight hint of sadness in her tone. Truthfully, she was right. With my jazz band, cross country meets, studying, school, and my job, I almost had no time to see my mom, and that didn’t take into account her life. These mornings were, often, the only times that I got to see her in a day and I didn’t have time to nurture that today.
“Mom, I’m really sorry, but I don’t have time today, I’ll take the toast with me in the car, but that’s it”, I said, solemnly. A look of disappointment shadowed my mother’s face. As if it was a mistake, a smile illuminated my mother’s face to replace it.
“Honey, that’s okay. I know you’re so busy. You’re doing some great things and I’m cheering you on from the sidelines every day. I just wish we passed by each other more often.”, her smile saddened a little as her eyebrows creased inward.
A sad smile, similarly, creeped up on my lips. “I know, mom, and I wish that I could spend more time with you too. But, I’ve got so much at stake. When I complete my two goals, we’ll have all the time in the world to be together.”
Despite my reassuring words, the forlorn look stayed in my mother’s eyes. “I know, honey, and I’m really proud of you, but don’t you wish to enjoy your youth while you have it?”
In that moment, something glistened in her eyes. “Speaking of enjoying your youth, why don’t you find a nice boy to go to prom with? It's coming up soon, and I have yet to see any boyfriends walk through that door to meet me.”
My mother’s sad smile was replaced by a boyish, mischievous grin. Internally, I groaned out of aggravation. I hadn’t told my mother about my third goal. My mother is the definition of a hopeless romantic. I constantly find her looking out the window, hoping that her one true love would come back on a horse and chariot. Because of this, I refuse to tell her that I won’t find love. I know that she wants me to be happy, but love isn’t in that equation of happiness for me; she just doesn’t know that yet.
“Mom, when the boys at my school get hotter and love me for my goals and who I am, then I’ll bring home a boy”
This was my response to her every time. It showed that I wasn’t against the idea of falling in love, but that I wasn’t going to be looking for it any time soon. Usually, that satisfied her, but today was not that kind of day.
She rolled her eyes. “Honey, you’re a senior in high school and these days are going by incredibly fast. I’m not saying that you have to find your soulmate in high school and marry the guy. But, you’ll miss your high school days and maybe even wish you had a high school sweetheart. I know I do.”
I rolled my eyes in a sarcastic, yet playful manner. “Mom, if you saw the boys at my school. I think you would agree that you wouldn’t wish any of them to be my high school sweethearts.”
My mother’s face changed into a quizzical expression. “Why not? Amy found a boyfriend and they seem happy. That seems like plenty of reason enough that love isn’t out of the cards for you.”
I let out a deep sigh as I grabbed a napkin and a piece of toast slathered in butter. “Whatever mom, I got to go. I’m sorry I can’t make the full breakfast, but thanks for the toast.”
I ran out the door and to my 2015 Honda Civic. I wasn’t a car person, but I treated this car like it was my own child. Her name was Agnes and she was my absolute pride and joy. Through thick and thin, she was there to take me anywhere and she had been reliable throughout my permit days to my licensed days. Was I a little scared that those days would end and that she would fail on me, yeah. I mean, she was the closest thing to offspring that I had. But, she has yet to fail me, so there’s that. I opened Agnes’s silver door and slammed it to a close. I threw my navy blue backpack, that had Yale embroidery patch on it, in the passenger seat and buckled my seatbelt. School was only five minutes away, but it was extremely hilly, so walking there was an immediate no. I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway, hoping that I didn’t hit the mailbox, again, on my way out. I left my neighborhood and hit every single red light on the way there, because of course I did on a slow morning. Five minutes later, I arrived in my assigned parking space and practically jumped out of my car. I only had five minutes to make it to first period and I couldn’t stand getting my first tardy of high school.
With only a minute to spare, I slid into my desk and breathed a sigh of relief. As I began ruffling through my bag looking for a pencil and my notebook, a chuckle escaped the lips of the person next to me.
“Wow, we’re running a bit slow today, aren’t we?”
I lifted and turned my body to see Andrew Stagner staring at me with a mischievous glint in his eye. Andrew was a good-for-nothing sleazebag in my book. He frequently annoyed me in the two classes I had with him by asking me for homework answers and poking me with that awful pink eraser while I tried to focus. By 90s high school movie standards, he was your dumb but cute jock. He had a new girlfriend practically every week and he was a legend at every sport that he tried. Girls seemed to frolic at him for his good looks and his beyond-subpar athletic abilities, but I seemed to be the only one that wouldn’t have it. Despite this, he was still manageable and he has yet to deter me from my academic and career goals.
I rolled my eyes at his less than satisfactory comment. “At least I’m not the one on the verge of a third detention due to tardies.”
“This is interesting, you’re typically not one to respond to my impeccable and intelligent commentary.”
My eyes widened slightly. He was right. No matter how many times he poked me with that stupid pencil, or made some sleazebag remark, I always ignored him. So, why did I respond? An, almost, sudden realization came to me, then. He was going to be involved in the “something happened”. Normally, I would enjoy watching whatever would go down. It was like my soap opera, especially when Amy’s, now, boyfriend fumbled through a confession right in front of me. But, something felt uneasy about this “something happened”. For one, I’d never seen Andrew in a “something happened”. That, automatically, made it concerning. Two, I was almost always present for the “something happened”. If he was a part of the “something happened”, then that means that he either does something to me or someone close to me. At the same time though, that didn’t really mean anything. This “something happened” could be his latest girlfriend breaking up with him. It could be him starting a fight in between homeroom and second period. It could be absolutely anything. Something in me relaxed and I wasn’t as worried about Andrew being involved in the “something happened”. If anything, I was kind of excited for it. It would be kind of nice to see his devilish smirk get wiped away by a girl slapping him or something.
“I’m not rude, of course I’ll respond to someone”, I replied, shortly. A scoff came from him.
“Then explain every time I’ve ever talked to you until now.”. It was at that moment that the bell rang and the teacher stood up from his desk to begin class. I immediately began taking notes. Again, I heard a snicker close by. I eyed Andrew, who was staring at my notebook. He began writing something in his notebook in response. After a few seconds, Andrew turned his green notebook in my direction for me to read. It read, ‘Your so uptight’. I huffed in response when an idea crossed my mind. If he wanted to be annoying, I could be annoying right back. I began writing in the margins of my notebook and revealed it for Andrew to read. He grimaced in response and didn’t write anything to me further. I had written, ‘First off,it’s YOU’RE, and, second off, unlike you, I have a future to prepare for and notes are part of that. Maybe you should start taking notes too.’
When it seemed obvious that Andrew wasn’t going to bother me any further, I turned my attention back to the whiteboard and what the teacher was saying. An unexpected thought crossed my mind. Had I been too harsh with that comment. It was kind of mean, but, then again, Andrew wasn’t exactly the nicest person either. I’d seen him be incredibly insensitive to all of the girlfriends he has had and even his own teammates during whatever practice he went to. Maybe he needed a little mean comment for something to change within him. I almost laughed at that moment. Hah! Andrew? Change for the better? I would love to see that. I might actually believe in love if something like that happened.
After an entire hour of notes, lecture, and, thankfully, no pencil poking, the bell rang to signal our five minute passing period before second period. I packed up my things and began to walk to my locker: the official meeting place where Amy and her boyfriend saw me before we went hours without seeing each other, until lunch. As I approached my locker, I noticed Tyler, Amy’s boyfriend, sneak a kiss on Amy’s cheek. A slight smile creeped up on my lips. Even though I didn’t believe in love for myself, their love was something I could count on. I had already prepared a wedding toast on Tyler confessing his love to Amy and all of their great moments. Like my future, I was prepared for anything, even my best friend’s future. Amy, then, caught sight of me and excitedly waved to me.
“Anne! You’ll never guess what this idiot did during first period.”. Tyler’s face bloomed a bright pink and he immediately began stuttering in response.
“Amy! You don’t need to tell her about that!”, he turned his eyes away from Amy and I, as his cheeks continued to redden. Something wicked, almost cruel, gleamed in Amy’s eye. She inched closer toward my ear and whispered in it.
“He maybe, potentially, was caught sleeping in class. The teacher called his name loud enough for him to wake up and he blurted ‘ABRAHAM LINCOLN’ out of nowhere. We just had physics by the way.”. Amy let out a laugh as Tyler lightly smacked her arm. Tyler sighed, color slowly draining back into his original color.
“Look, Abraham Lincoln and I were having an amazing adventure together before Mrs. Clark woke me up!”, he exclaimed. Something about the way Amy and Tyler were able to be so genuine with each other tugged at my heart in a longing way. They had something special and I was happy for them. But, I knew, deep down, that I wanted the same. I shook my head in response to my own thoughts. I couldn’t want love. That would ruin everything. I needed to stay focused. Yale and being the next big entrepreneur wouldn’t come with silly dating games. I just needed to keep reminding myself of that.
I laughed at Tyler’s response to Amy. “Well, as fun as this has been…”, I began, “we should probably get going to class”
Amy rolled her eyes, “You’re a total buzzkill, but, you’re probably right”
I hitched my backpack closer to my shoulders. “I’ll see you guys later”, I said, turning on my heel. I arrived at my second period with two minutes to spare and immediately grabbed my notebook and pencil. No matter what the class was, even ones that didn't require much notetaking, I took notes. Taking notes was the one thing I could control during the class period. I couldn’t control what the teacher would say or who would get called on; but, I was in control of what I wrote down. This admits that I am a bit of a control freak, but that’s okay. I’m okay with being a control freak. The best control freaks are the successful ones, after all.
The second and third period went by without any trouble. I had taken good notes, gave good answers to good questions, and the day was, overall, going by smoothly. But, the “something happened” still played on my mind during the day. Even though I had told myself that it would probably involve Andrew’s girlfriend breaking up with him,and it wouldn’t deal with me at all, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I somehow WOULD be involved. The thing about being a control freak is that we are often overthinkers, and this wasn’t any different with me. What if his girlfriend thinks we’re together? What if Andrew somehow humiliates me in front of everyone? What if Andrew's girlfriend gets mad at me for some reason? Thoughts continued to swirl around in my head as I made my way to the lunchroom, where I would enjoy the lunch I had almost every day: a salad with grilled chicken and avocado dressing, a side of salt and vinegar chips, and my favorite Bubly sparkling water, lemon-lime flavor. The thought of me sipping my sparking water while watching Tyler and Amy banter over their love life somewhat softened my racing heart.
When I arrived at the lunchroom, I spotted Tyler and Amy at our usual table with an acquaintance from one of their classes that I had just gotten to know, Quinn. I set my backpack down on the off-grey table and began shuffling through my things. Panic set in. I couldn’t find my light blue lunchbox anywhere. I opened up every compartment and practically tore my backpack loose, but it wasn’t there. I must’ve left it at home as I was running late this morning.
Quinn noticed the clear chaos that was going on between my hands and the various things in my backpack. “Hey, what’s wrong?”, he asked.
I let out a huff, like a child. “I left my lunchbox at home.”
Amy perked up in surprise, “Wow, that’s a first, you never forget anything. You once reminded me of the exact time Tyler and I started dating at the six month mark.”
I sighed, defeated. Quinn stood up from his seat. “I get my lunch here every day, so why don’t you join me? There’s no point in crying over spilled milk.”, he gave me a smile that looked so much like my mother’s. Something skipped in my heart, but I ignored it, thinking it to be familiarity if anything.
“Sure, you lead the way”, I responded, giving a slight smile in return. I followed Quinn to the lunch line and stood beside him as we waited to get our trays. A chuckle sounded beside me. “This is shocking”, a voice said beside me
A groaned a deep groan at the voice. This could not be happening. I glared at Andrew who had a devilish grin. “I didn’t know that someone like yourself could stomach food that wasn’t organic, dairy-free, gluten-free, everything-free air?”, he smirked.
“Just because I know how to eat properly doesn’t mean I’m shallow”, I quipped back. He laughed in response.
“Really? You seem like a pretty shallow person to me.”. I eyed him, not knowing what to expect, “I know what your three goals are, and they seem pretty boring”
How could he possibly know what my three goals are? Sure, he could probably guess that I want to go to Yale; I have an embroidery patch on my bag for goodness sake, and maybe, just maybe, he knows what my dream job is, but the third? There is just no way he knows that I don’t want to fall in love. I hadn’t told him, heck I hadn’t even told Amy what my third goal was, so how could he possibly know. Even though I didn’t want to, I responded.
“Oh, yeah? And what, pray tell, are those goals?”. He made a noise that seemed to be between a scoff and laugh.
“Pray tell? Well, for one, you want to go to Yale. Two, you want to go into something that kicks every one to the curb. I mean your attitude towards me says that enough.”. A laugh erupted from my lungs.
“My attitude?” I laughed, “I’m only like this to you because you’re an idiot and you’re annoying.”
He smirked, “Your third goal…”, my laugh disappeared as I waited expectantly, “is the most interesting of all. You don’t want to fall in love.”
My heart stopped and I stood silent for longer than I should. I cleared my throat and turned my gaze away from him. “Where would you get an idea like that from?”, I asked
“Think about it. Your two best friends are in love, yet you want no part of it. Today was the first time you’ve ever talked to me and I’m pretty sure that is the first time you’ve ever willingly talked to a guy besides Tyler or whoever this guy is.”, he pointed at Quinn. I smacked Andrew’s pointed finger away.
“Just because you see yourself as some legend or god doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk, and, also, you’re wrong about the third goal. I’m not dating anyone because I’d rather date someone who’s kind, hard working, and actually cares about me. Not someone like you who is so gloated that they can’t see the people around them because their ego is so big.”, I turned away from Andrew and focused on getting the rest of my lunch.
I left the lunchline with a tray of a slice of pizza, the safest looking option, a scoop of baby carrots, and a carton of milk. I quickly dragged myself and Quinn back to our lunch table. I slammed my tray down with discontent. Before I even finished sitting down, remarks were made.
“Woah, is getting school lunch for once really that bad?” Tyler said.
I sighed, calming my nerves, “It is when the lunchline includes Andrew Stagner and his big mouth”, I bit down into my soggy pizza. Tyler and Amy looked at each other before looking back at me.
“Andrew is known for being the mayor of douchebag town. You just have to ignore him.”, Amy said
“Yeak, I know”, I stood up from my chair, “I’m gonna go grab some napkins really quick. Be back in a sec.”
I walked back toward the lunchline, where a little table of napkins and utensils waited for me. The noise of laughter, conversation, and yelling filled the cafeteria. The noise was so loud that I didn’t hear what would come next.
A body, about the height of 5’10” ran into the back of me. My body pivoted to the side, where the body was facing me, as I fell backwards, closing my eyes for impact. I hit the floor, hands bracing me. I opened my eyes to see Andrew Stagner hovering over me with a stunned look on his face. In his right hand was a bottle of red Gatorade half empty, with the orange cap in his left hand. I then looked where his stunned eyes were pointed, as well as everyone else’s in this cafeteria. My perfectly white jeans were now covered in the other half of the Gatorade from Andrew’s bottle.
“Oh my God, Anne Marie. I’m so sorry!”, he bent down to my level. He looked down at me like he didn’t know what to do. Rage filled my body, as I stood up hastily. I felt my face heat up and I imagined it turning red with each passing second. Andrew stood up with me and met my gaze.
“Jesus, Andrew! Are you serious? I always knew you were an asshole, but did you really have to go this far!?” I yelled
“Anne Marie, I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to.”, he pleaded
“You’re so full of shit! All you ever do is make yourself feel better, and now you’re humiliating me because why? Because I gave you the hard truth? You’re such a prick!” I stormed off towards the cafeteria exit and didn’t look back. Growing whispers filled the cafeteria as I rushed towards the exit. Red Gatorade continued to seep into my white jeans, as I made my way to the nurse’s office. Thoughts raced through my mind. Tears began to well up in the corner of my eyes. This was the “something happened” that I was so worried about. One where I was involved. One where I was humiliated in front of all of my peers. One where Andrew got to have his ego fed by the embarrassment of a girl who doesn’t like him. I can only imagine him laughing with his friends, right now, about how stupid and pathetic I looked. I can only imagine Amy, Tyler, and Quinn being worried about me. Tears began streaming down my face.
I entered the nurse’s office. The nurse glanced up from her computer screen with an expectant expression. Her expression changed when she noticed my soaked jeans and the tears in my eyes
“Oh dear, what happened here?”, she asked. She shook her head, discouraging her question.
“Come on dear, let’s get you cleaned up.”. The nurse led me toward the back of the room where a thin white sheet hung from the wall. The nurse reached a plastic wardrobe where she began rifling through its contents. She pulled out a pair of black sweatpants.
“Here, sweetheart, these are the only pants we have that seem to be in your size. I’m going to close this sheet so you can get changed. Let me know if you need anything.”
She handed me the sweatpants and closed the sheet. I stared down at the sweatpants with tears streaked across my cheeks. My mind played the scene in my head. Andrew bumping into me. Andrew spilling red Gatorade all over my white jeans. The hush of the cafeteria. Andrew staring at me like he didn’t know what happened. Fury filled my heart and mind again. How could he do this to me? Was he seriously that much of an egotist? Did he enjoy watching me being humiliated? I hate him. I hate him so much. I wish he was the one with red Gatorade on him. I wish he was the one that was constantly being annoyed in first period. I wish he was the one that was having his secrets told so blatantly to him in the lunchline. I wish people didn’t like him, like I didn’t like him. I wish people hated him. I was right before. There will never be any good change for him. As such, there will never be love in the cards for me. If there are men like that out there that will willingly embarrass women for their entertainment, then there is no such thing as love for me. End of story.
I’m going to show him that I am not one to trifle with. I’m going to get better grades, be a better person, and show him and everyone that he is a true asshole. I’m going to show him and everyone in this damn school that he is a bad person. I am going to show everyone that he is worth hating. 79Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX259lU8Pk9
79Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJT8uAuxNq
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