Am I the only one who walks around and laughs and jokes and smiles and still feels all of this?
This numb disgusting horrible feeling. I look out and hope to find someone else who feels this. To tell me I'm not insane. It's normal. Everything happening with me is normal.
I'm normal.
It's been a couple of years, I think. I don't even remember if I ever felt like I belonged.
I don't think I ever did.
Isn't that cruel? Isn't that so mean and sad?
I don't want pity. I just want to have someone sit beside me and see all of this horrid ugliness and stay.
I would never dream of having a lover or a soulmate. People like me could never. We arnt made to be loved.
Even a stranger would do. Or perhaps a bird.
To simply sit beside me in my delicately crafted hell. To stay beside me for a while. Till I take a breath and let myself believe that perhaps I'm not all that bad after all.
Just a while would do.
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