What was Your Biggest Mistake, and What Did it Cost You? - The Weight of Overloving

My greatest mistake was not in cruelty.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsriUgDMkFN
It was not in closing doors too soon,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLouO66urL
nor in raising walls too high.

My greatest mistake was in opening the gates too wide,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoJXVZfDrV
watering gardens that were never mine,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdvS8nxarD
offering warmth to hands too cold to hold me back.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlK8pKQRvZx
I mistook endurance for devotion,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6mg2GuSCh
and in doing so,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo4gB97Elu
I carved myself into a candle that burned bright for others370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LUHw0EEOu
yet left myself in ashes.

I loved with a hunger that asked for nothing,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYShxq8KpK
and still they took until I was hollow.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpT0h34GWuP
I became a shoreline,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqLh0ut94N
steady, patient, eternal,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiTFUtMbHK
while they were the tides—370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3PaAoMMP1
arriving only when they pleased,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwBjiPc5UW
leaving me drenched in absence.

Every message I sent370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxe9Jj0D85
was not just a string of words370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMX8zP5JoSx
but a small boat pushed across an ocean,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiryi1xnTR6
carrying patience, tenderness, and hope.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DtxAYVExI
And yet most of those boats370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Q7vHeLWXm
returned to me broken,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36IwCfBhpg
or never returned at all.

They were busy, I told myself.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmvjKy3EU9
Busy, tired, distracted.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWFBWH2FQi
So I shrank myself into silence,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITRUXzHrxl
waiting like a lantern at the window,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQMKJoN2sV
believing that love was about staying lit370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsttomcNJo
even when no one comes home.

But there is a loneliness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkDg6e4rWU
in setting tables for guests370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswFELUKHMa
who never arrive.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFfJ1u9iAy
The plates gleam,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNJzUFjijl
the food grows cold,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5laoOU54l
and you sit there smiling at empty chairs,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jSkHOJp28
pretending tomorrow will taste different.

Overloving is a slow kind of death.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15yZS7Ftop
It is offering your ribs as shelter370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYlJNaIzo7
while your own heart shivers in the cold.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kuexFayS9
It is standing in the rain with arms outstretched,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAomtjcvFNv
catching storms that were never meant for you.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzLi5hIjyB
It is confusing sacrifice with intimacy,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SSt9s6Nlg
patience with worth,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfPMvrUyMX
silence with peace.

And I was guilty of it all.

I told myself that if I just poured enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVhAfj6c9X
they would finally thirst for me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9VnUWs5l5
If I shone long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbmQ3GeSJR
they would finally see me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQY61e8FFg
If I waited long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlA1hINUrb
they would finally choose me.

But love is not a lesson you teach370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTmgNmVvlK
by bleeding.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofBQemoQfS
Love is not a classroom where pain becomes homework370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZt2geUX5jM
and silence becomes passing grades.

The truth revealed itself like a mirror cracking:370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkD6w1yTTPZ
I was not loving them.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemege0JfX2
I was abandoning me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQ2jfMmXDj
I was writing them into the center of every story370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCctDC1xGKz
while erasing my own name from the page.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNYRoz6eGH
I was loyal to the idea of them,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBzR6Kn4RO
not the reality of me.

And yet even mistakes carry gifts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkFKaqb5TN
In the rubble of overloving,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse1b8uvW0E
I finally found my reflection.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsMbG5htZE
I saw the tiredness etched under my eyes,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ434dTNUe0E
the ache of waiting written on my chest,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVddtjiZXF
the hunger for tenderness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWx2joL33Yq
that I denied myself while feeding others.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LsmqNUImI
I saw a feast of love I had laid on the table,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsN7pqJtOsR
untouched, unblessed,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxTkN7BqxF
and realized I was starving370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyU2T2mcmUn
in a house full of abundance.

Now I carry this lesson not with bitterness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmseQl14MMV
but with clarity.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWX6yTB2fG
I have learned that warmth must be shared,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclvn7883Sq
not siphoned.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCok8yrf8IV
That presence must be chosen,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsek0IK5GHG
not begged for.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPXFjJ9vIq
That love, if it is real,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Irpnl4BU1
is never a one-way river,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkF9fNbeBR
but a tide that returns.

So yes, my greatest mistake was overloving.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK8Wp8cJzg
But my quiet victory370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zjW3oaYpZ
is that I have stopped.

I am learning to pour into myself370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1eRqd5oKt
the way I once poured into deserts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqurXf7Ylk
I am learning that the right people370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ937kwKwk5O
will never ask me to shrink370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LU99tU0qL
to fit their emptiness.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZRbyfTfbV
They will meet me in fullness,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXd26vryXF
as equals, as mirrors, as fire to fire.

And maybe this is how healing begins.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjRP2xXDxC
By forgiving myself for the overgrowth of love,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlaVaffOoU
by embracing the softness that once betrayed me,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kHsW9CyX5
and by promising370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECOzA4Nh0x
with all the weight of a vow370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfOuGmxA71
that I will never again confuse370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNIald0SK7
being available with being valued.

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