What was Your Biggest Mistake, and What Did it Cost You? - The Weight of Overloving

My greatest mistake was not in cruelty.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiH7cUeVYR
It was not in closing doors too soon,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgmS5Tzvwt
nor in raising walls too high.

My greatest mistake was in opening the gates too wide,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhgri0Grun
watering gardens that were never mine,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpI2689UI35
offering warmth to hands too cold to hold me back.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdmKpWxfb9
I mistook endurance for devotion,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQc8RGc2kK
and in doing so,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHM8DFA3u2
I carved myself into a candle that burned bright for others370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rWQfuhczr
yet left myself in ashes.

I loved with a hunger that asked for nothing,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoB2xTVwxXI
and still they took until I was hollow.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbvL8gcZyc
I became a shoreline,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTR4ey6IjY
steady, patient, eternal,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ58lgFelwp
while they were the tides—370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ACGTIZeMU
arriving only when they pleased,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz16G2v3YSb
leaving me drenched in absence.

Every message I sent370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo78uqFg4Jd
was not just a string of words370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsFPU6TK8d
but a small boat pushed across an ocean,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Dn4NI8tSu
carrying patience, tenderness, and hope.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnce8bQZtcH
And yet most of those boats370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9lthUQrcs
returned to me broken,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDvyumZHh1
or never returned at all.

They were busy, I told myself.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOli1eilEfd
Busy, tired, distracted.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisipF5zmc6
So I shrank myself into silence,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBQvl3X9K6
waiting like a lantern at the window,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEP8WkVamb
believing that love was about staying lit370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0GRN3JFMB
even when no one comes home.

But there is a loneliness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdSVXWZ692
in setting tables for guests370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyMxRLbXIK
who never arrive.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakaG5oNWRi
The plates gleam,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHZGcwjcN6
the food grows cold,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGpbMhWwSD
and you sit there smiling at empty chairs,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEj3MyCqrZC
pretending tomorrow will taste different.

Overloving is a slow kind of death.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7EPZmZWu6
It is offering your ribs as shelter370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWCAnHvdEO
while your own heart shivers in the cold.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2XV1rLplj
It is standing in the rain with arms outstretched,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjMo3fUZKF
catching storms that were never meant for you.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsUsoOncvT
It is confusing sacrifice with intimacy,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7KdNGEI04
patience with worth,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX2owF4ewP
silence with peace.

And I was guilty of it all.

I told myself that if I just poured enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡks3HUVKlwd
they would finally thirst for me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ139caUbpr
If I shone long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcXEOsgVdT
they would finally see me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrt4HBqYau
If I waited long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPNLVO9Mjw
they would finally choose me.

But love is not a lesson you teach370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4eElYqvTr
by bleeding.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SPDctyjE6
Love is not a classroom where pain becomes homework370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJBpKmTuB0
and silence becomes passing grades.

The truth revealed itself like a mirror cracking:370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcM1FuWgD01
I was not loving them.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXKGYZaEWY
I was abandoning me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmixpurhUi
I was writing them into the center of every story370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHgBjuQnKM
while erasing my own name from the page.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuimYUHnG50
I was loyal to the idea of them,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKszftnzL0T
not the reality of me.

And yet even mistakes carry gifts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9055q95eBp
In the rubble of overloving,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKiJx7pg2D
I finally found my reflection.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcITGAEnzp
I saw the tiredness etched under my eyes,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ848SChM6e
the ache of waiting written on my chest,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzXPnGHl3z
the hunger for tenderness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z63DezYVM
that I denied myself while feeding others.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CvmPAAxsY
I saw a feast of love I had laid on the table,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TRE1q8P7Q
untouched, unblessed,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCdWihAsS9
and realized I was starving370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq7S9Olj60
in a house full of abundance.

Now I carry this lesson not with bitterness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8c5q5IYXCP
but with clarity.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYhdPY169B
I have learned that warmth must be shared,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPDYsOCytS
not siphoned.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfE6Wqu4Q3
That presence must be chosen,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzhMYrAjCj
not begged for.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjSg99whJZ
That love, if it is real,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjP5TgTJRl
is never a one-way river,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQCzb9JGNQ
but a tide that returns.

So yes, my greatest mistake was overloving.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDl7W8FXjJ
But my quiet victory370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjQpnC9wRA
is that I have stopped.

I am learning to pour into myself370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrghjwfGA62
the way I once poured into deserts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsX3IuEU6Hs
I am learning that the right people370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJraQKYcj5x
will never ask me to shrink370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2uGQillSv
to fit their emptiness.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DxOCIIbw1
They will meet me in fullness,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5in50OZ6mJ
as equals, as mirrors, as fire to fire.

And maybe this is how healing begins.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23OJ3PEPXn
By forgiving myself for the overgrowth of love,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3NHaCWT6o
by embracing the softness that once betrayed me,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSaIPSbeoFv
and by promising370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvsytLktkb
with all the weight of a vow370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmasSgpDVK
that I will never again confuse370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIbjt9qNhe
being available with being valued.

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