What was Your Biggest Mistake, and What Did it Cost You? - The Weight of Overloving

My greatest mistake was not in cruelty.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2OUyBW6UB
It was not in closing doors too soon,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3YGE6FRHl
nor in raising walls too high.

My greatest mistake was in opening the gates too wide,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡph3QVg5ZQf
watering gardens that were never mine,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15H5o8mF72
offering warmth to hands too cold to hold me back.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnfeQEbVAU
I mistook endurance for devotion,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJc9o33Kkv
and in doing so,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITwHohUeSw
I carved myself into a candle that burned bright for others370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSTQS1KGNj
yet left myself in ashes.

I loved with a hunger that asked for nothing,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS39HoMxgy3
and still they took until I was hollow.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlo8snLD3be
I became a shoreline,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8pZvQ1AZD
steady, patient, eternal,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnF39vMfan
while they were the tides—370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcTk2FaLsa
arriving only when they pleased,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ul6zu7qlY
leaving me drenched in absence.

Every message I sent370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAdbSFNrne
was not just a string of words370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVEXTcJhtb
but a small boat pushed across an ocean,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbBRemmV99
carrying patience, tenderness, and hope.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjCpwGQHNl
And yet most of those boats370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZa3Vl81PB6
returned to me broken,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoMT5exrTt
or never returned at all.

They were busy, I told myself.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkoWPrC2KIR
Busy, tired, distracted.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASncK2Wmmo
So I shrank myself into silence,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOH6IEPR4A1
waiting like a lantern at the window,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb3KqFErxq
believing that love was about staying lit370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLsJT9OeaS
even when no one comes home.

But there is a loneliness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkYe0KA77A
in setting tables for guests370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0B0POTJxC6
who never arrive.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisHA6GyL0o
The plates gleam,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwElX8puQxX
the food grows cold,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVzfiW7hZf
and you sit there smiling at empty chairs,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWdujmPOOt
pretending tomorrow will taste different.

Overloving is a slow kind of death.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8DxdDY5Z8
It is offering your ribs as shelter370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoWYxQzGsN
while your own heart shivers in the cold.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYavBCe1ix9
It is standing in the rain with arms outstretched,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvivxu0IyG1
catching storms that were never meant for you.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3hXpVfrYp
It is confusing sacrifice with intimacy,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxXAVKJycv
patience with worth,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyw6o6HqUhk
silence with peace.

And I was guilty of it all.

I told myself that if I just poured enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0eQREHH7K
they would finally thirst for me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOnXLzNW6i
If I shone long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOuoSKmpHF
they would finally see me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeuk9ydOub
If I waited long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQq1HJ1OiDU
they would finally choose me.

But love is not a lesson you teach370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVABhqL7VL
by bleeding.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsaspIeSnY
Love is not a classroom where pain becomes homework370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7sO6aTqaW
and silence becomes passing grades.

The truth revealed itself like a mirror cracking:370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgsrFu0H5N
I was not loving them.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQMx0vYLmh
I was abandoning me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTw8Gb68eDP
I was writing them into the center of every story370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPjnzoyEOs
while erasing my own name from the page.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVXFYxp4sl
I was loyal to the idea of them,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMr3sp5D83V
not the reality of me.

And yet even mistakes carry gifts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZpUMzysgi
In the rubble of overloving,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFfIA89Oxc
I finally found my reflection.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhz8Mdrle4C
I saw the tiredness etched under my eyes,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqsI1tuLm1
the ache of waiting written on my chest,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEfWb4QxtZ
the hunger for tenderness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEE8jmdbRM0
that I denied myself while feeding others.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhJ9ZHbzor
I saw a feast of love I had laid on the table,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlLuC57PYK
untouched, unblessed,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLvsjDDP2J
and realized I was starving370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN2EWGYncX
in a house full of abundance.

Now I carry this lesson not with bitterness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvqWm7gUWx
but with clarity.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOCxmF64VP
I have learned that warmth must be shared,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kxauzThGo
not siphoned.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72c2dr2a5i
That presence must be chosen,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzZboV1azu
not begged for.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rqACMnivn
That love, if it is real,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2YHzTnG7e
is never a one-way river,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfMEthVxZG
but a tide that returns.

So yes, my greatest mistake was overloving.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bZqYGQlTl
But my quiet victory370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7o9Qw2FPp
is that I have stopped.

I am learning to pour into myself370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqYjp3Jxno
the way I once poured into deserts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhrrgWxAzc
I am learning that the right people370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQn0MBa9sF6
will never ask me to shrink370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EwVDrLBuX
to fit their emptiness.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5d6GSq2zNu
They will meet me in fullness,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5IU6E4z2R
as equals, as mirrors, as fire to fire.

And maybe this is how healing begins.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtR51Rsr0D
By forgiving myself for the overgrowth of love,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARfIFllVe3
by embracing the softness that once betrayed me,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaodRjkmFHB
and by promising370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HwBgTBX4G
with all the weight of a vow370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡta6b0Ad9JV
that I will never again confuse370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHHxXgnql7
being available with being valued.

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