What was Your Biggest Mistake, and What Did it Cost You? - The Weight of Overloving

My greatest mistake was not in cruelty.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPXNU8FEQ6
It was not in closing doors too soon,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQDFWiH7s1
nor in raising walls too high.

My greatest mistake was in opening the gates too wide,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8BbYQsyk2
watering gardens that were never mine,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Iub1UkojB
offering warmth to hands too cold to hold me back.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeVAAnCWFf
I mistook endurance for devotion,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuyBIXqgsQ
and in doing so,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTOn4YRqmU
I carved myself into a candle that burned bright for others370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2Y31cArsS
yet left myself in ashes.

I loved with a hunger that asked for nothing,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH92LVIT1cv
and still they took until I was hollow.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuIgFFqgUH
I became a shoreline,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTQt45LR9o
steady, patient, eternal,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKJso0ZLeh
while they were the tides—370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLQm2j0X2T
arriving only when they pleased,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tGHiPV58e
leaving me drenched in absence.

Every message I sent370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOESdqvpgg
was not just a string of words370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyCf1K9bq1
but a small boat pushed across an ocean,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSIN4wJMYc
carrying patience, tenderness, and hope.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AwFCsRgZJ
And yet most of those boats370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzqkuvGaWW
returned to me broken,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydVkpszOW0
or never returned at all.

They were busy, I told myself.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0kDQqDYLu
Busy, tired, distracted.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZk0jApXinS
So I shrank myself into silence,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmbbXlewdx
waiting like a lantern at the window,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjXys6RaIB
believing that love was about staying lit370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMdlArJ95W
even when no one comes home.

But there is a loneliness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cALAVKX62
in setting tables for guests370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxfxeTqbZj
who never arrive.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdePKECBhNj
The plates gleam,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO34fEF1TA
the food grows cold,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fHwW3NDYi
and you sit there smiling at empty chairs,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJSP8KsO7K
pretending tomorrow will taste different.

Overloving is a slow kind of death.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTwm54xEf2
It is offering your ribs as shelter370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKM8WELwmcg
while your own heart shivers in the cold.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwQYRVEJRh
It is standing in the rain with arms outstretched,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgydLGkiFq2
catching storms that were never meant for you.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbC2YdHcGz
It is confusing sacrifice with intimacy,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTESlcwzWSH
patience with worth,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPWKkelXaq
silence with peace.

And I was guilty of it all.

I told myself that if I just poured enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZioNAoNck
they would finally thirst for me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEc0jkbVs6P
If I shone long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIsZ3BcD4L
they would finally see me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDEKVTJDYry
If I waited long enough,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMS3B2y8me
they would finally choose me.

But love is not a lesson you teach370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6AWxunoYx
by bleeding.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtnuV9NZGO
Love is not a classroom where pain becomes homework370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ui5XPyeVx
and silence becomes passing grades.

The truth revealed itself like a mirror cracking:370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVpXsMNTDz
I was not loving them.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2V09pB7LX
I was abandoning me.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdanmByqLU
I was writing them into the center of every story370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSgINqDzaT
while erasing my own name from the page.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCESSibIUp
I was loyal to the idea of them,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGp4XVw3lLP
not the reality of me.

And yet even mistakes carry gifts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVm9AI7be3
In the rubble of overloving,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOOpyR5u1B
I finally found my reflection.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhESHbJBv9H
I saw the tiredness etched under my eyes,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HGOwagxX9
the ache of waiting written on my chest,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjyI8Go47g
the hunger for tenderness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JnhyK8nze
that I denied myself while feeding others.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYz6llZDESR
I saw a feast of love I had laid on the table,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhCm249dwO
untouched, unblessed,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPaQEXKaDM
and realized I was starving370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ymRbpeNYn
in a house full of abundance.

Now I carry this lesson not with bitterness370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ537JOiicmb
but with clarity.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dfPM565oq
I have learned that warmth must be shared,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nmPtxGf6G
not siphoned.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQnLgAO8yq
That presence must be chosen,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zCJZuNxgl
not begged for.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEM2Kz1eVTL
That love, if it is real,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNEbMMfFx6
is never a one-way river,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FMa1gRXDC
but a tide that returns.

So yes, my greatest mistake was overloving.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28pJjsfI8x
But my quiet victory370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB23GZ03Vjw
is that I have stopped.

I am learning to pour into myself370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbT84nnNyct
the way I once poured into deserts.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErQedSK1v8
I am learning that the right people370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BggTtUNSQ
will never ask me to shrink370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qqwg5ZtWv
to fit their emptiness.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHd4dbwUA4
They will meet me in fullness,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5BPhjqFrt
as equals, as mirrors, as fire to fire.

And maybe this is how healing begins.370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ylEuvQ5hp
By forgiving myself for the overgrowth of love,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDBsKABM6P
by embracing the softness that once betrayed me,370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTjCnueZ56
and by promising370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡct0vJRBtdn
with all the weight of a vow370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitPbLQ6mRJ
that I will never again confuse370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzyuszNZtw
being available with being valued.

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