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The journal was exactly where I left it....half-open, page marked, the words still glowing under the yellow highlighter.
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“If you’re reading this, I don’t want to disappear quietly.”
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When I walked into class, Lena was already in her seat. Hoodie up, earbuds in. She looked like herself, but when she turned to say “hey,” her eyes stayed on mine for just a second longer than usual. Not in a dramatic way. Just long enough to make me wonder.
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Did she read it?
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I wanted to ask. God, I wanted to ask. But my chest locked up. Because what if she hadn’t seen it? Or worse 😳what if she had and still decided to say nothing?
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So I nodded, forced a smile, and sat down. Same routine. Same silence.
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The day felt like it moved in slow motion. Every noise sounded far away, like I wasn’t fully inside my body. My mind kept going back to that journal 🧠those words. I’d left them there on purpose. I wanted someone to notice. Someone to finally understand what I couldn’t keep saying out loud anymore. And if Lena saw it... why wouldn’t she say something?
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At lunch, Eli cracked jokes that normally would’ve pulled me in. Everyone laughed, loud and effortless. I sat with them, nodded at the right times, pretended to chew food I didn’t taste. I kept glancing at Lena from across the table. She barely touched her food. Her shoulders were tense. She didn’t say much either.
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I don’t know if that meant anything. Maybe it meant everything.
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When school ended, I went back to my locker like always. I wasn’t expecting anything. Honestly, I was already planning to go home, crawl under the blanket, and feel nothing for a few more hours.
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Then I saw it.
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A folded piece of paper, slid into the side vent of my locker. No name. Just one short message in uneven handwriting:
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“I read it. I see you. Please wait before you disappear.”
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I didn’t move for a while. Just stood there, reading those lines again and again like they might vanish if I blinked too hard.
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No one’s ever said “I see you” and meant it. Not like that.
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And now I don’t know what scares me more
that someone finally noticed the version of me I’ve been hiding…
or that they might not be strong enough to stay.
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Issue#4 comes soon...And not everything stays hidden forever. Especially the pain that finally got noticed.
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I spent my whole night writing this. I didn’t want it to feel fake. Just real enough for someone out there to finally say: “Same"...Thank you for the support 😊😊
It means a lot 🙂
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