"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy1d7iC3Jt
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6Io8hYlZC
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnPq8sHOfD
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcXPnHopNM
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM8l5PLKhy
it’s a mood.
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ7ESIXXGi
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTXBdV6UrM
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3yyOdTixE
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSo2vMX20Za
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51xUy9Ot9V
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4zura2qir
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56044psj6f
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡki0xqP9A3W
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42FtuzMmYx
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxvTPwQXKA
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGT5fDQ6JH
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxvYW4hxOu
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRgOU6zi7R
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE50NMuKjN1
i have goosebumps.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Yb7QSgEcV
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpL9d01netl
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkkjJWDYXh
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEi2UHL5ICR
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpykgArJwuP
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLkjysw82H
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYB8k8NlZs
you passed the vibe check.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0B9qCugms
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoWIFq7swb
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYg7nwkW7o
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZmIlz1v87
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqb3nHIh3H
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NClBpkKsl
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkK6aBd5wmc
i did cry.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCXOdwNumz
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKhvpLnAs4
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2BwBTZeFB
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1e3nDY5H5y
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDSAEqgug1
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojHIUNcZ38
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTOwRuDy4X
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5HttwafBd
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyvBX8bWox
together we’re like...248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cdVeriZ85
the emotional avengers.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zb3XeeXz1
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2PRcbXzSA
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6uGqISkal
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpTat4Cc4D
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62AISRPPx9
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡupDBwTwUTg
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJ4oycFYzY
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTd1dmxEuwc
screamed into a spoon. felt better.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcp9XP9fDuK
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLC68U4kjnP
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzIDizgHN9
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmES964KUE
the rain cried for me.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9i9gJpTG7N
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHtem8jZPE
i do not condone murder. but i understand.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9Ou207SQe
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBbUfeyZgl
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmOa0fTIRN
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLy7g10ELhr
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kJR4zi5We
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.