"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOhfiO5k5e
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVamB8J6rc
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOX2FOoWKe
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvFmIqx142
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jeRQUkJdV
it’s a mood.
– maya61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWPMQLLwFs
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsj3sxDX7b
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bZtEZBO4x
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYoYqnasbP
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Kcl6IdHDC
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3AZQ49wVc
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LIs057Cxx
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoBoV0zpFa
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaZphHjx5T
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pjVSAxuqc
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqjGiKu5rq
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QEDZZuehh
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PHHE6Xu6e
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHZ2OK1pKy
i have goosebumps.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEL2xk3ND0
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJRt8Kjm5T
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcFrP4xBm0
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBMMaYAeOb
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7xwJ1DZeS
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8olWC9Xjd
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSXcTTZJXz
you passed the vibe check.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2Tl5gSgG0
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eFAXQ7cXF
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnthgMPLHyP
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLd6J16p3VS
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQqB9w4wUn
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0z8fk8YDhk
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaUbFRyXSR
i did cry.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFrU13QwcU
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsenGjT8Gbg
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmcVUVLReH
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17a75WNOxP
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOSe76kVAy
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZU8jF7C1kU
To: [email protected]61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8qmpXgn27
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmnZtbLdi4
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZitERTy9x
together we’re like...61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8fyh8mvKi
the emotional avengers.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9ICu7US0Z
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcd07pAqfmT
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVhnjHB2vQ
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUVORzLTjD
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdFTxqBdsc
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGySbrSqG6
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34C2oVzABM
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XavEeHyMX
screamed into a spoon. felt better.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARlSSQ387M
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTdhHwEPnl
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7poq1Q16Or
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3M7nUXJmvu
the rain cried for me.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPNs9JuEO1
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygnTdlOtJM
i do not condone murder. but i understand.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8wxrKMEc5
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3poGayHN7
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqWgD7Kbjq
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTlvH3M4wd
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli61Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwda1pCbYk
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.