|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3HTQlBcYs
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWVBJvZtpY
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcgEHtZwrI
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxR3MXlpjly
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7oeQ3gHaS
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUw9sWd6zSL
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNUNDM44vQ
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOVWOpzDcT
You’ve got the wrong Eli.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCnpA4IMCE
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nxFPZa9TI
aka Eli Martin
114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtun1vdtYLk
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsnZqzxFlQ
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3P47XvJkwf
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ116efYELDH
definitely wrong eli.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4IYbwPgv1
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjuoIHkXGI
sincerely,114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMDkSmDmUN
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipPsakA9Qr
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjxGCBvqB1
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz3VummDxE
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8klYiJFN7k
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoMGykEWS7
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ob0AaH8FG
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rU0hQg7Ih
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg424Q42Dvu
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuynDU8H9w
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Zc4FenZkt
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡei2aJllHHF
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57zBptzrd4
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUqf0mQr38
is this our meet-cute?114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IIXZXL6HN
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE5MOZuFjv
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06GzTp2i8C
but i might be a decent one
114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJv5tIKaMp1
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0M3miGXdQ
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliIxmj8htX
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdpFZO9PC9
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKZSpManHF
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSWCxyUVK8
professional emailer of strangers
114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCXWneeZAD
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48wNpJhVKI
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5wbptk5SB
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOebLmHYGp
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfd5LZoWwN
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmZQSLeHRz
To: [email protected]114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBCZi4tNgR
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRYwA6WeWB
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.114Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru20QWwO24
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