|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrXrUA3guY
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpt86Gu4yZT
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRlJOaX5nG
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9pxsSTotG
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9V1RQrNE3
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgt4dti5Fw
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL6eTgzJ5U
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT1Iq7Hn8l
You’ve got the wrong Eli.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTzQeyvdNA
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlvTqZEWj9
aka Eli Martin
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckURmJ8FNJ
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJs7uZhy4hj
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXspew24YE
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rIkLjYi9X
definitely wrong eli.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxMkKL6ru3
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6x828cpin
sincerely,37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2l7e40o3UJ
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEn5cVOkrvh
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiArqJySn6U
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAMLApdxG8
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf6pR27m1X
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHjOhtEMOF
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUx1Ufljt4
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC05KSdR2mw
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag0dblKURM
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDL9mi1cK9
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawg2aQtRm3
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoUeMMgfjK
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe1gpa4KnU
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShrXNln9xf
is this our meet-cute?37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaAtbkoT23
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiZ9WR6vEk
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlet18DAXP
but i might be a decent one
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9L28guMGfA
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z5QPVgmIH
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnthlVgJfj
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoflpppdbQJ
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPaGq1bBRn
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsk8EmB5ZS
professional emailer of strangers
37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5I7il95OLZ
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rc4Tj8UZd
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIr047dBgM
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4p4abTH0n4
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qoUD0tvAs
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzSrENW2bQ
To: [email protected]37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cX171Om8T
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1Dplz5svb
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.37Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1RHbbj5BR
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