《A》 - 11 | Penana

回到以後受傷過嘅地方，我發誓一定要摧毀呢度令佢引以為傲嘅地方，同時要毁滅唔屬於我、只會令人自豪嘅嘢。

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周圍嘅人唔少，有幾多人畀錢入嚟睇，奇怪得嚟睇唔明嘅作品。

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我成日諗返啲人讚呢啲作品時，真係讚賞咩？

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又唔係。

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唔知佢係睇到啲咩覺得好，沉默無言同唉聲嘆氣嘅唔少。

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但有人讚，我只可以接受同講吓啲佢哋想聽嘅嘢。

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一方面好憎啲作品同創作嗰個，一時又好妒忌點解呢啲都會受到青睞。

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我睇到有一個小朋友坐咗喺度，係紙度寫下刪下，心有不甘咁。

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「小朋友你鍾意呢一幅畫？」

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其實都唔小朋友，睇到佢嗰份係功課，笑咗出聲，佢睇到我笑佢黑臉。

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「我唔鍾意嘅...學校要做功課先嚟呢度睇嘢。」

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好遙距嘅過去，學校...

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以前嘅學校生活幾開心，當有唔開心就放另一個人嚟擋，我覺得...

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難過。

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仆街剩係呢個時候先感受到佢嘅存在，多尻餘，有本事衝出嚟做返我當年做過嘅事，令我同所有人都過唔去。

我吸吸一眼淚鼻涕，再問小朋友：

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「咁如果我送畀你會點樣處理？」

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佢好正經咁開玩笑：

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「丟咗佢，又或者送畀啲我唔鍾意嘅朋友。」

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佢嘅方法幾損人不利己，點解我諗唔到呢？

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比摧毁晒更好嘅方法，就係送畀唔識欣賞嘅人，等佢哋自己摧毁完再同搵緊嘅人講已經無咗。

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連挽救嘅機會都無，更令人痛心。

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前題係呢堆嘢有呢啲價值，雖則已經試過一次，但應該仲有啲價值剩低可以揮霍。

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「咁我送晒畀你，我幾鍾意你。」

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難得扮親切得唔到小朋友正眼望，然後用超齡嘅冷靜同我講：

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「都唔係你嘅，呢度啲嘢喺我叔叔㗎。」

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屌咩細路嚟㗎咁黑人憎嘅...

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我撕走佢本功課空白嘅一頁寫：

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『呢度啲嘢我唔想再見到，送畀小朋友。』

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「你畀你叔叔睇，最好今日，我今日會係度等佢。」

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紙遞畀佢唔接，我將佢所有嘅嘢放返入袋，佢阻止唔到我開始嘈，其他嘅人開始望過嚟。

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「唔畀！」

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「點解？」

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「佢唔會見你，你呃佢。」

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佢應該知我係個，或者係認咗另一個人，另一個人應承咗啲咩？

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不過算我唔聽，佢識得啲咩道理，同樣我都唔會同小朋友講道理。

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「我無應承過佢啲咩，點會有呃佢嘅事...

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我要見佢，你唔畀佢睇，你一陣喊驚都無用。

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快啲去—」

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推小朋友出去大門口，然後再拎張櫈坐中間，務必要所有人、係閉路電路裡面嘅都睇到我。

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到閉門時間，我仍然未見到當事人過嚟搵我，真係想講，佢就係咁薄情。

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唔鍾意我，都唔會鍾意你，假貨都唔會得到佢鍾意，點解要同我作對。

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聽我講嘅話，我得到佢，你得唔到都與有榮焉。

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「呢度要閂喇唔好意思。」

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來人好似係細路嘅老竇，我應該有同佢打過交道，不過唔記得佢係個。

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「今日見唔到佢，我唔會走。」

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佢只係簡單抱歉賠笑：

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「佢係外地工作緊，今個星期都返唔到嚟。」

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「咁就無嘢好講。」

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我係袋拎咗枝液體出嚟，佢急忙提出：

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「你可以去住佢安排嘅地方，遲啲等佢返嚟先講。」

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佢遞出房卡，我對此滿意，接過房卡之後同液體一齊放返入袋。

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「叫佢拎返啲錢出嚟，所有嘅錢。」

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我揹好袋，無留意佢咩表情，慢慢擺好袋位同櫈，準備行出門口。

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佢見到我『冷靜』咗，佢又冷靜落嚟開始講廢話：

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「錢就小事，佢會畀返你，但問題係你畀唔畀到佢想要嘅嘢...」

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我又摷吓袋：

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「得，我可以畀，有咩唔得。

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只要佢肯要，我敢畀。」

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拎咗張房卡出嚟向佢示意，我已經可以拎到房卡，係佢要我留低，我畀咩佢都要承受，佢預咗。

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「你變咗好多...」

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佢本來嘅緊張變成落寞，抹眼鏡眼睛，唔知有冇眼淚。

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咁感情用事嘅咩？可以識一個人一陣，就深厚到十年之後見到都會喊？

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你係咩人？

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佢又係咩人？

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對咩人都可以咁樣深切關愛？

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「十年唔變，等於白過。」

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我係被迫定自己蛻變嘅部分都有，我都覺得好矛盾，好壞參半，不好不壞。

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佢陰沉微笑：

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「唔係...你無變過，喺同一個人。」

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佢呢一套，係我之前用慣嘅招數，我因為某一啲原因用唔到，仲因此不安，以前嘅我一定唔會。

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「你想講咩？」

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佢喺外套袋拎咗一張支票，放係我拎房卡嗰隻手度。

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「冇...你等佢答你，呢度係當年放喺我公司嘅錢，你拎返住，計埋利息。」

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我撇一眼望支票，呢個數目唔細，係當年和解協議嘅雙倍。

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我拎返呢筆冤枉錢，佢被我利用犧牲，憑咩要拎呢筆被我嘅冤枉錢。

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嗰股難過又湧出嚟...

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有咁委屈嘅話，就唔好出陰招嚟損人害己，睇住我收返屬於你嘅嘢，一件一樣、一人一個...

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「多謝晒你，小朋友唔識世界，我唔會放係心上～」

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我聲線表情足夠輕蔑成份，但通紅嘅眼睛加埋已經流出嘅眼淚，令到可信度大減。

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正一仆街嚟，成事不足敗事有餘，無鬼用！

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以前都唔覺佢有感情，充沛到可以令到我喊，明明以前我先喺情緒話嚟就嚟嗰個。

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