「許墨,你知道愛情是什麼樣子的嗎?16Please respect copyright.PENANA4tQVbsmMjQ
我不知道。16Please respect copyright.PENANAYwAQLhuOPo
但我知道,我很愛你。」
有句話說,先說愛的人,便是在這場角力中先投降的人。16Please respect copyright.PENANAZL9TVxAWzw
16Please respect copyright.PENANA6VoHKc3bO8
我曾經以為,自己只輸給了他。16Please respect copyright.PENANAo0qkiAQ3u3
但後來才發現,我不僅輸給了他,也輸給了自己。16Please respect copyright.PENANA75AKmX59b1
16Please respect copyright.PENANAwuqLe0Ctj7
我從來都沒有贏的可能。16Please respect copyright.PENANAmWKSVzibvh
因為他的眼、他的心,從始至終都只屬於那個人。16Please respect copyright.PENANANSwbbUFYBV
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從一開始我就明白的。16Please respect copyright.PENANAusa0t4kE1L
我只是個趁虛而入的壞人。16Please respect copyright.PENANAr2fkQm4wuh
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如果不是因為偶然聽到那個女孩希望他幸福,或許他根本不會答應我的告白。16Please respect copyright.PENANA10IL0ThkPn
趁人之危啊,但如果錯過那個機會,我或許再也無法光明正大地佔據這個男人的某段人生。16Please respect copyright.PENANAdtalK0Guqz
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所以,我從來沒有後悔過。16Please respect copyright.PENANASSU3Ghigu1
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但也是從一開始,我就知道,這段感情不會有結果。16Please respect copyright.PENANACVumgC8gRQ
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──我所希望的結果。
加拿大的冬天,總是讓人感覺漫長。16Please respect copyright.PENANArfUq5VvzH1
16Please respect copyright.PENANAwrTi5My9KS
其實,離開以後我根本不知道自己該去哪裡。16Please respect copyright.PENANAWn3SjJlm09
原來,離開許墨…我會連自己都不知道是誰…16Please respect copyright.PENANAV6DggKdI9k
16Please respect copyright.PENANA3QgudRsGTo
在迅速辦完所有手續後,我只是隨意買了張機票,登上最近的一班航班,又隨機選了一班車,就這樣來到了這座小鎮。16Please respect copyright.PENANAnLV4FjYJWl
16Please respect copyright.PENANATGsy8Kk0fJ
剛到這裡時,我在公寓裡封閉了好幾天,哪裡都不想去,哪裡都不想看。16Please respect copyright.PENANAD4GmWtBUO9
直到房東太太擔心地來敲門,發現我已經幾日沒進食,幾乎昏倒在屋裡。16Please respect copyright.PENANAbk96k6MU9c
16Please respect copyright.PENANAuZKo0UxYjq
這裡很安靜,沒有高樓,沒有霓虹,也沒有過去那些令我痛苦的回憶。16Please respect copyright.PENANA1gMGEVBRAV
他們純樸、善良,就這樣接納了外來的我。16Please respect copyright.PENANAdffMrdfLCj
16Please respect copyright.PENANAmqYr9Ao0w3
房東太太幫我介紹了這家咖啡館的工作,說店長人很好,或許能讓我分散注意力。16Please respect copyright.PENANA4tHTgeWoJE
16Please respect copyright.PENANArkEPZp79eD
——店長的確很好,她在第一眼見到我時,幾乎沒有任何猶豫,便錄用了我。16Please respect copyright.PENANAhWVMu5AgAY
我不明白原因,或許是這裡人口本就不多,願意留下來工作的人更少。16Please respect copyright.PENANA2Fhf8MhxkG
但無論如何,我就這樣留了下來。
那個時候,我是恍惚的,但總要生活。16Please respect copyright.PENANAx458uu9kRm
開始工作以後,第一週,白天一切如常。16Please respect copyright.PENANAmQ3wbxOScS
晚上,當我回到公寓,那份被刻意忽略的思念便會不受控地湧上心頭,像潮水般一波又一波地將我吞沒。16Please respect copyright.PENANAbEByDb6KdG
16Please respect copyright.PENANAN5pZtcSpAN
我無數次將自己蜷縮在角落,抱緊雙膝,告訴自己——16Please respect copyright.PENANARUVG8Ocr7r
16Please respect copyright.PENANAd4jyqYk0El
不要想,不要再想了。16Please respect copyright.PENANAqtqkfVTnTG
16Please respect copyright.PENANAv12HmT8Fqy
可思念這種東西,並不會因為理智而減少,反而會更加猛烈地撕裂心臟。16Please respect copyright.PENANALDMEqrgCmN
16Please respect copyright.PENANAk2eyIvPMcE
我渴望見到他,卻又害怕見到他。16Please respect copyright.PENANAi2GHvDeqWq
我渴望聽見他喊我的名字,卻又害怕真的聽見。16Please respect copyright.PENANAORTeBAyJ7Z
16Please respect copyright.PENANAeTq1JkpTDv
甚至在某些軟弱的時刻,我會想——16Please respect copyright.PENANAVMdgTtpttx
不奢求他愛我,我只想遠遠地看著他……這樣…不行嗎?16Please respect copyright.PENANAQmdMo9R3up
16Please respect copyright.PENANALI8Lfjlsmu
每當清醒過來,我卻只能狠狠地痛哭。16Please respect copyright.PENANAOs86vG49Gu
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如此周而復始。16Please respect copyright.PENANALfj9HpZdAQ
16Please respect copyright.PENANAN74IETeVRA
第一個月後,我終於能夠躺在床上睡著……不做夢的話。
加拿大的雪季很長,咖啡館的生意簡單,客人來來去去都是熟悉的面孔。16Please respect copyright.PENANAVwyWb7URRL
這裡節奏很慢,沒有人會追問你的過去,也沒有人會強迫你說出不願意提及的故事。16Please respect copyright.PENANAU6FQ8exOUw
16Please respect copyright.PENANAG0ig88Jmsf
店長偶爾會調侃我:「微瀾,妳總是一個人,難道沒想過談場戀愛?」16Please respect copyright.PENANA9wyyASsHR8
16Please respect copyright.PENANAj2Bypolg9r
我笑了笑,「店長,總不能為了要『兩個人』,就將就吧。」16Please respect copyright.PENANAegakIIgMYL
16Please respect copyright.PENANATWlBygQFkZ
「將就……是什麼意思?」店長有些不解。16Please respect copyright.PENANAgBgxqush8n
16Please respect copyright.PENANAOSZQhIQ2k3
「店長,妳的咖啡要糊了。」我提醒她。16Please respect copyright.PENANAXinh9yQ8UN
16Please respect copyright.PENANArKsII1NhWY
我沒說出口的是,這輩子我已經將就過我能愛的那個人,而他已經不可能再回頭了。
我的生活很規律。16Please respect copyright.PENANAj0aM4NS5mj
早晨去圖書館,午後在咖啡館工作,晚上回家寫些研究筆記或讀幾頁書。16Please respect copyright.PENANAPbNZDJEZ2e
16Please respect copyright.PENANA1pvgjkSLEo
閒暇時,我會坐在咖啡館的角落,拿著筆寫寫東西。16Please respect copyright.PENANAMRfTyNNZPg
寫些散文、寫些詩,斷章也沒關係……16Please respect copyright.PENANA5gCUeYur9l
或許我寫得夠多,總有一天,我的愛戀、眷戀、思念都會被寫完。16Please respect copyright.PENANAHysPmQ55BY
16Please respect copyright.PENANA8LUiHAsjEu
那時候……或許我也就真正重生。
要離開的時候,我幾乎刪除了所有聯絡方式,將自己與過去徹底斷絕。16Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8Sk068RaF
唯一的例外,是蘇硯。16Please respect copyright.PENANAqLhzlWDYbE
16Please respect copyright.PENANAtArwVukABk
「……妳不能把所有人都拉黑,至少留個聯絡方式吧?」16Please respect copyright.PENANAIj31qlBulM
16Please respect copyright.PENANANTkt0egXtY
當時的蘇硯送我到機場,皺著眉看著我,語氣裡帶著一絲無奈。16Please respect copyright.PENANADBgCo6ibE4
16Please respect copyright.PENANAQvif3KLBXW
「學長,我不想讓任何人找到我。」16Please respect copyright.PENANAmni2zQMEsY
16Please respect copyright.PENANA3OHF4Tj7v1
「那也不包括我?」16Please respect copyright.PENANAlZdepVPtW2
16Please respect copyright.PENANAG4xMUhVKev
「……」我沉默了幾秒,最後輕輕點了點頭。16Please respect copyright.PENANA04OUM2gnfH
16Please respect copyright.PENANAk4v19kwbIP
「妳讓我幫妳處理所有剩下的事情,還想斷聯我?」蘇硯語氣有些不善,「微瀾,妳有點良心行嗎?」16Please respect copyright.PENANA1cyvMIbyhh
16Please respect copyright.PENANAYzApUeZ1Gb
「……」16Please respect copyright.PENANAIn7e5wtRX5
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他嘆了口氣,語氣終於軟了一些:「妳去哪,我不會管,但至少留個方式,讓我知道妳還活著。」16Please respect copyright.PENANAWdSCCt6MSU
16Please respect copyright.PENANAN2TXE6WYsJ
我看著他,終於沒有再拒絕。16Please respect copyright.PENANAE9H6DPkgRj
16Please respect copyright.PENANAZZYuWB3xmR
於是,那天以後,在這個世界上,還能聯繫到我的人,就只剩下蘇硯。
如今,我在這裡的生活已經過了三年。16Please respect copyright.PENANAYFWdj1fzja
一切都已經歸於平靜。16Please respect copyright.PENANAK4jnQztwqm
16Please respect copyright.PENANAfH6NSQL68Y
直到——16Please respect copyright.PENANAxE0CPmXegY
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他來了。
那一天,許墨推開咖啡館的門,淡淡的雪花落在他的肩上,黑色的風衣襯得他身形修長,臉上的神情仍然冷靜而淡然,沒有一絲波瀾。16Please respect copyright.PENANA72TyB0xoxj
彷彿,這場分離,從未讓他有所動搖。16Please respect copyright.PENANAQ8OmCPJFiz
16Please respect copyright.PENANAH28Ku9E7MV
他走到櫃檯前,語氣溫和,帶著一如既往的從容。16Please respect copyright.PENANAnShb8FOXxH
16Please respect copyright.PENANA1SuIYCZ9Vt
「我要一杯卡布奇諾。」16Please respect copyright.PENANA6CmJ2YYUOG
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那一刻,我的手指一顫,差點將筆芯弄斷。
我以為,過去三年,已經足夠將一切埋葬。16Please respect copyright.PENANAwQuaD2mF9g
但這個人僅僅是一句話,便讓我的世界,再次天翻地覆。