「許墨,你知道愛情是什麼樣子的嗎?28Please respect copyright.PENANAphbaJbDMYe
我不知道。28Please respect copyright.PENANAZlxRgfNd8a
但我知道,我很愛你。」
有句話說,先說愛的人,便是在這場角力中先投降的人。28Please respect copyright.PENANANfp6BWOVdh
28Please respect copyright.PENANA1q66J26cke
我曾經以為,自己只輸給了他。28Please respect copyright.PENANAKqQTBYBu4z
但後來才發現,我不僅輸給了他,也輸給了自己。28Please respect copyright.PENANAo9ChZxBJIb
28Please respect copyright.PENANAtxxMChtIMy
我從來都沒有贏的可能。28Please respect copyright.PENANADRqslMG80j
因為他的眼、他的心,從始至終都只屬於那個人。28Please respect copyright.PENANAIhn8ajT4jG
28Please respect copyright.PENANAWTeqrRRrHI
從一開始我就明白的。28Please respect copyright.PENANAqvQQhylxYm
我只是個趁虛而入的壞人。28Please respect copyright.PENANAohpP9tAdp3
28Please respect copyright.PENANAJb7P0h2ePB
如果不是因為偶然聽到那個女孩希望他幸福,或許他根本不會答應我的告白。28Please respect copyright.PENANAUKakfRc4Ww
趁人之危啊,但如果錯過那個機會,我或許再也無法光明正大地佔據這個男人的某段人生。28Please respect copyright.PENANAZws0ntzzR3
28Please respect copyright.PENANAH37ZbJXmGT
所以,我從來沒有後悔過。28Please respect copyright.PENANAFm1ZFt6gLT
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但也是從一開始,我就知道,這段感情不會有結果。28Please respect copyright.PENANAp8to6P5NtS
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──我所希望的結果。
加拿大的冬天,總是讓人感覺漫長。28Please respect copyright.PENANATofYDD5e3a
28Please respect copyright.PENANAyp7IQpbhFg
其實,離開以後我根本不知道自己該去哪裡。28Please respect copyright.PENANAKzolsPjiyX
原來,離開許墨…我會連自己都不知道是誰…28Please respect copyright.PENANAebMMdXZEzc
28Please respect copyright.PENANAB3gUXGYxWE
在迅速辦完所有手續後,我只是隨意買了張機票,登上最近的一班航班,又隨機選了一班車,就這樣來到了這座小鎮。28Please respect copyright.PENANAmTupZr6aib
28Please respect copyright.PENANA4CnirhW22W
剛到這裡時,我在公寓裡封閉了好幾天,哪裡都不想去,哪裡都不想看。28Please respect copyright.PENANAF0hz4QdJ0u
直到房東太太擔心地來敲門,發現我已經幾日沒進食,幾乎昏倒在屋裡。28Please respect copyright.PENANAUIIP6y7fiX
28Please respect copyright.PENANAl9dvhUol2B
這裡很安靜,沒有高樓,沒有霓虹,也沒有過去那些令我痛苦的回憶。28Please respect copyright.PENANAQE20KpHMrP
他們純樸、善良,就這樣接納了外來的我。28Please respect copyright.PENANA6q5violbNS
28Please respect copyright.PENANAqHofYPprAN
房東太太幫我介紹了這家咖啡館的工作,說店長人很好,或許能讓我分散注意力。28Please respect copyright.PENANAFZ8bGkbi54
28Please respect copyright.PENANAzHem02PMTF
——店長的確很好,她在第一眼見到我時,幾乎沒有任何猶豫,便錄用了我。28Please respect copyright.PENANAljAVbM4ZtL
我不明白原因,或許是這裡人口本就不多,願意留下來工作的人更少。28Please respect copyright.PENANARpkNpRavRQ
但無論如何,我就這樣留了下來。
那個時候,我是恍惚的,但總要生活。28Please respect copyright.PENANAy2rS2OJ5V6
開始工作以後,第一週,白天一切如常。28Please respect copyright.PENANAiukFc3XSDU
晚上,當我回到公寓,那份被刻意忽略的思念便會不受控地湧上心頭,像潮水般一波又一波地將我吞沒。28Please respect copyright.PENANA72WHNErSzO
28Please respect copyright.PENANAxQZqVzjZcA
我無數次將自己蜷縮在角落,抱緊雙膝,告訴自己——28Please respect copyright.PENANAbkltrO4mB2
28Please respect copyright.PENANAxr0s4WauXX
不要想,不要再想了。28Please respect copyright.PENANA5lD6GjEh4F
28Please respect copyright.PENANA1igi0ZtaWj
可思念這種東西,並不會因為理智而減少,反而會更加猛烈地撕裂心臟。28Please respect copyright.PENANA3VYX09x853
28Please respect copyright.PENANASn6jmLUurJ
我渴望見到他,卻又害怕見到他。28Please respect copyright.PENANAqXx6mVaicU
我渴望聽見他喊我的名字,卻又害怕真的聽見。28Please respect copyright.PENANAS1y0l3DWut
28Please respect copyright.PENANA4tRVJrRHtI
甚至在某些軟弱的時刻,我會想——28Please respect copyright.PENANAPvaFcNfUc1
不奢求他愛我,我只想遠遠地看著他……這樣…不行嗎?28Please respect copyright.PENANAhLbMnPAgiu
28Please respect copyright.PENANA2jVJwJS1Jh
每當清醒過來,我卻只能狠狠地痛哭。28Please respect copyright.PENANAGiKwhJ8Y50
28Please respect copyright.PENANA7bgt4RISP3
如此周而復始。28Please respect copyright.PENANAe4trjOFcwM
28Please respect copyright.PENANATUmV8u4y6S
第一個月後,我終於能夠躺在床上睡著……不做夢的話。
加拿大的雪季很長,咖啡館的生意簡單,客人來來去去都是熟悉的面孔。28Please respect copyright.PENANAVYshpao3wI
這裡節奏很慢,沒有人會追問你的過去,也沒有人會強迫你說出不願意提及的故事。28Please respect copyright.PENANAKTtvlKT7nI
28Please respect copyright.PENANA5VY6c6oeMN
店長偶爾會調侃我:「微瀾,妳總是一個人,難道沒想過談場戀愛?」28Please respect copyright.PENANA4Z4WmDobWa
28Please respect copyright.PENANAwiyISLeBqJ
我笑了笑,「店長,總不能為了要『兩個人』,就將就吧。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAPtkBJy41ad
28Please respect copyright.PENANAsXcdB8oPuQ
「將就……是什麼意思?」店長有些不解。28Please respect copyright.PENANA5a78iTAi6f
28Please respect copyright.PENANA4lMv23z7SO
「店長,妳的咖啡要糊了。」我提醒她。28Please respect copyright.PENANAdHODKFAXWW
28Please respect copyright.PENANANFnSS7cUnL
我沒說出口的是,這輩子我已經將就過我能愛的那個人,而他已經不可能再回頭了。
我的生活很規律。28Please respect copyright.PENANAk4wdBPdDDN
早晨去圖書館,午後在咖啡館工作,晚上回家寫些研究筆記或讀幾頁書。28Please respect copyright.PENANAk5cWK0wLl2
28Please respect copyright.PENANAfrmqMfINcG
閒暇時,我會坐在咖啡館的角落,拿著筆寫寫東西。28Please respect copyright.PENANA7TnpKpTyPZ
寫些散文、寫些詩,斷章也沒關係……28Please respect copyright.PENANAl0Lxk6ztvv
或許我寫得夠多,總有一天,我的愛戀、眷戀、思念都會被寫完。28Please respect copyright.PENANAKPspiLPVuB
28Please respect copyright.PENANAN7HXARziV9
那時候……或許我也就真正重生。
要離開的時候,我幾乎刪除了所有聯絡方式,將自己與過去徹底斷絕。28Please respect copyright.PENANA20L8X7vdgN
唯一的例外,是蘇硯。28Please respect copyright.PENANAVTMEZQMsLs
28Please respect copyright.PENANAucwZOibxSR
「……妳不能把所有人都拉黑,至少留個聯絡方式吧?」28Please respect copyright.PENANAE8bV1XSauU
28Please respect copyright.PENANAbvOQlnzOSt
當時的蘇硯送我到機場,皺著眉看著我,語氣裡帶著一絲無奈。28Please respect copyright.PENANANBxhrQ0oHA
28Please respect copyright.PENANAKSNIWSzcqI
「學長,我不想讓任何人找到我。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAdUDGG3sCKi
28Please respect copyright.PENANAc7EzxOJCbv
「那也不包括我?」28Please respect copyright.PENANA6bLhYvJ4jE
28Please respect copyright.PENANAEhavJ8dATn
「……」我沉默了幾秒,最後輕輕點了點頭。28Please respect copyright.PENANAi2sJZUPiHc
28Please respect copyright.PENANAUan1abiJS8
「妳讓我幫妳處理所有剩下的事情,還想斷聯我?」蘇硯語氣有些不善,「微瀾,妳有點良心行嗎?」28Please respect copyright.PENANA00iS5eY6mY
28Please respect copyright.PENANAp3zqJ7mzXE
「……」28Please respect copyright.PENANAFS6Fc0fChu
28Please respect copyright.PENANAyXetNsFkkR
他嘆了口氣,語氣終於軟了一些:「妳去哪,我不會管,但至少留個方式,讓我知道妳還活著。」28Please respect copyright.PENANAvtiGVRq2jR
28Please respect copyright.PENANAIHsRl8w7H9
我看著他,終於沒有再拒絕。28Please respect copyright.PENANAzTwcMlFa3B
28Please respect copyright.PENANAkixlY75sWK
於是,那天以後,在這個世界上,還能聯繫到我的人,就只剩下蘇硯。
如今,我在這裡的生活已經過了三年。28Please respect copyright.PENANA3iwzrNvWg8
一切都已經歸於平靜。28Please respect copyright.PENANAijq0XBaapB
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直到——28Please respect copyright.PENANA4gPy6lznaY
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他來了。
那一天,許墨推開咖啡館的門,淡淡的雪花落在他的肩上,黑色的風衣襯得他身形修長,臉上的神情仍然冷靜而淡然,沒有一絲波瀾。28Please respect copyright.PENANAPWxk7lpJcA
彷彿,這場分離,從未讓他有所動搖。28Please respect copyright.PENANAML7gXtSL88
28Please respect copyright.PENANAql1IvoN3hn
他走到櫃檯前,語氣溫和,帶著一如既往的從容。28Please respect copyright.PENANAZXgs13oKsZ
28Please respect copyright.PENANA3OEnjb4cZm
「我要一杯卡布奇諾。」28Please respect copyright.PENANApQ3qqhLPan
28Please respect copyright.PENANA568hXUkMsv
那一刻,我的手指一顫,差點將筆芯弄斷。
我以為,過去三年,已經足夠將一切埋葬。28Please respect copyright.PENANAYvsZnrnhJH
但這個人僅僅是一句話,便讓我的世界,再次天翻地覆。