其實…我地而家係乜嘢關係？ - 七十六

又過咗一排，去到復活節假期嗰陣時，阿必又問我出唔出去食飯，跟住我又問佢：今次有邊個先

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佢答話：有佢，晴晴同Cathy，同上次嘅組合一樣

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我又ok咗佢，咁始終又係再一次見到Cathy，亦都可以知道佢而家嘅生活變成點，同埋睇吓佢身材有冇好咗

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我淨係欣賞佢身材，就係咁簡單

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同埋我可以又一次見到晴晴，睇吓佢而家嘅生活係點啦，反正上一次見到已經係大半年前

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去到食飯前一晚，我無啦啦收到Cathy嘅message，問我識唔識得去一個體育館，

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我問佢：點解無啦啦咁問？佢冇答我，只係問我會唔會可以聽日食完飯帶到佢去，因為佢唔識路

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咁因為我都唔識，所以就答佢話唔得啦

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不過點解Cathy無啦啦會咁問？我真係唔知

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食飯嗰日嘅朝早，阿必無啦啦同我講話佢唔舒服嚟唔到，但係嗰日我已經出咗門口

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去又唔係，唔去又唔係，我去嘅話唔知對住兩個女仔我又可以做啲乜嘢，用藉口唔去又唔係幾好意思。最後我都真係諗咗好耐，但係如果關乎到晴晴，我可以見到晴晴嘅話，咁又另一回事，

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最後我係揀咗照去嘅，咁理所當然地食飯就望住佢兩個女仔喺度傾偈，我就坐喺對面咁樣啦

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佢兩個女仔對住我又好似當我無到咁，雖然佢哋理論上同我冇同對方咁熟，

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不過有時望住兩個女仔傾偈傾得好開心嘅時候，或者都會諗點解自己係條感情路上會行得咁失敗呢

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或者曾經有呢兩個咁好嘅選擇擺响面前，但係一個我冇選擇到，另一個我選擇咗而得唔到佢

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雖然成日話人應該向前看，但係我始終唔知道自己應該點樣做，我個心好似冇咗一忽咁，即係我好想人去安慰自己，但係我搵唔到有邊個可以。始終Andy同Jasper佢哋都只係一個同學或者算係普通朋友嘅關係，真係未去到可以同佢哋傾心事囉

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我始終係想搵一個伴侶類型嘅去講呢啲話題

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不過佢兩個女仔好開心咁笑住，亦都令我諗：如果我可以令到一個我自己鍾意嘅女仔對住我笑嘅話，其實又何嘗唔係一番美景，

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但係我做唔到，我好失敗

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成餐飯我同晴晴都冇乜直接對話嘅，可能係問食咩，跟住夾錢嗰類，講咗一兩句啫

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我諗，或者過咗都好幾年嘅時候，其實我哋已經好似應承咗唔同對方再當面去講，講返我哋之間嘅嗰一段關，係發生咗乜嘢事？

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我尊重晴晴嘅選擇，不過好似對我嚟講係一個惡性循環。如果晴晴冇同我解釋返我唔可以同佢一齊嘅話，好似一個內耗嘅情況，我唔知道自己再努力落去，可以有啲咩動力

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