E made it a statement to sit away from me today. I was talking to B this morning and he said that E and him were talking about me and E would be okay with talking it out and how she didnt really mean what she said about me being halfassed and using her for entertainment. he said she said she'd be okay with being my friend again. what an asshole. "oh but vinsie! isnt this a good thing!?" NO. its NOT. this girl couldn't even TALK TO ME about why shes been ignoring us. THIS GIRL hasnt even told me why she hates me. SHE LACKS BASIC COMMUNICATION SKILLS. HOW IS SHE GONNA TALK IT OUT IF SHE CANT EVEN TALK TO ME FACE TO FACE??? im ignoring the fact B was talking to her after i said i didnt know if id be comfortable him talking to E (i knew. i'd be uncomfortable. she clearly goes by the one in, all in rule, so i do too.) and i was upset and he still talks to her. and doesnt tell me. whatever. she hasnt even talked to J. the girl who is the reason we're in this situation. at least acknowledge her??
during fourth period child studies, i was in the library before everyone else. when the teacher came, she came with three other girls i dont talk to. i grabbed a laptop and sat down on my own. one of my mutual friends sat down with me. this particular mutual is also friends with E. when E walks in, where does she sit? far away from me. as. always. if its between sitting with her friends (who are my friends) and me or sitting by herself like a loser she'll always rather look like a loser. and it makes it SO OBVIOUS to the people around us, theyre always ASKING. whats going on with E, whys E sitting so far away, did you guys have a fight or something. and i will CONTINUE to have to answer these questions because GOD FORBID she does anything. says anything to anyone, does anything, helps anyone, anything. shes a total waste of a human. and im sorry to say but she contributes NOTHING TO ANYTHING. im surprised shes ever had friends before. and i know im mean but im not talking shit to ANYONE im talking to the void. im only 15 for a couple more months then im 16. i'll continue to be 16 for a while until im 17 and i'll still be less than a legal adult by then. because im only a kid. im a kid shouting into the void. im not hurting anyone by doing this. my english teacher is proud of me. my dad is proud of me, or he says so. im proud of me. i go back through and look at how much i wrote and im proud of me. she'll never find this. if she did, she'd never know its her. its only her first initial. even if she DID find this, discover it was about her and read every nitty gritty detail and complaint and whinge ive made about her instead of talking to her and confronting her major malfunction, she'd never fucking tell anyone. i wouldnt know, B wouldnt know, her own parents wouldnt know. its not because shes quiet. no, dont get it twisted. its because she mustve been neglected as a child and locked away in a cellar and never heard another person speak so shes so sheilded away from english as a language and how normal humans interact with each other. or shes an alien from outer space who exclusively read books about main characters who were shy and romance plots where a miscommunication happens because a communication DOESNT HAPPEN and thats where she gets all her information on how humans behave. those are the ONLY possibilities. shes SIXTEEN. HOW HAS SHE SURVIVED THIS LONG WITHOUT COMMUNICATING HER FEELINGS. DIRECTLY. ITS RIDICULOUS.
im embarrassed to have ever been her friend. i wish i never was her friend. i blame J for it. i blamed J out loud the other day and when i went to apologise and take it back because i didnt mean to say blame i didnt mean to say it was her fault but she agreed with me. she said yeah, it is her fault, she also regrets being her friend. she said she saw her and it was purely pity that she wanted to be her friend. both me and J are aware of how awful this makes us sound but we had good intentions to begin with.
shes in my extension english class and she couldnt even read a book last year because she didnt want to. she didnt do the assignment because she didnt want to. she didnt do the work because she didnt want to. and now shes in top english class. best of the best. AND the extra work EXCLUSIVE for the best of the best students. anyone can be put in standard. you have to be specially selected to be in english advanced. now, those kids have to understand their work load for not only english, but for math, science they may pick up, history they may pick up the rest of the 10 units work load and still choose to take up more english. its an alien mystery why ever in the world E would decided to join this class. she hasnt even attended a single class. its ridiculous.
i made eye contact with her today. broke it immediately. eyes are the window to the soul and that girl? doesnt deserve a glimpse into my soul. i dont respect her enough to hold eye contact with her. its ridiculous. im sick of her. our friendship was severed and destroyed the moment she ghosted us. the moment she told B why she hates me and didnt tell me. the moment she started ignoring me, the problem, alongside J - not the problem. she has to be delusional out of her MIND to think she'd ever have a chance back with me.
if i ever write saying i forgive her and its a big misunderstanding and i was angry and over reacting with everything i said, its a lie. its a ruse. someone either found my page or im being forced into being her friend again. never. i will never be her friend again.
if every time someone does something that upsets her, instead of communicating, she shuts off and ghosts them, i dont think i could ever get over that. and i wont. fuck her. fuck her and everyone who defends her. shes a piece of shit that needs to understand she wont survive a fucking day in the real world if she keeps behaving like this. she'll be thrown in to a pit of unforgiving assholes who will eat her alive and she wont have a single friend in the world. because friendship is maintained by healthy communication and equal effort on both sides.
zero effort and zero effort doesnt equal 100, E, honey! just because i wasnt working doesnt automatically mean you were!
-vinsie
EDIT accidentally name dropped whoops!291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCSVra3AwE
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