I'm afraid of failure but I am more afraid I don't have the drive to fully grasp what I want to do in life. I have no income and no real independence and whenever I think about that, I get anxious. I look in the mirror every morning and ask myself what should I do? What if this anxiety will engulf me completely and I will lose sight of my life? It's horrible and it's grown in the last few months.
Positivity is one of my good points but it's slipping away. At times, this fear of being left behind while everyone moves forward can be seen in my appearance and in what I write. It consumes me slowly.
Whenever I go out I see people my age doing something, achieving something and making a living while I just stand there, always trying but never good enough to achieve anything.
Truthfully, I have never told anyone about these insecurities because I feel like they will shrug me off as if it's not something serious. It's been stressing me out lately and I feel like I will never really do anything. It's annoying and scary and it provokes panic attacks.
The question that follows me every time I go to school is: is that what you are good at? Can you achieve something in that field? Look at your classmates and the way they actually use what they learn while you are just there, studying over and over again. It's a terryfing feeling because I am still young yet old enough to start thinking more seriously about my future.
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