我抹乾眼淚，坐直身子，再次面對「阿媽」，她同樣紅着眼，與我對視着。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAVbVjpBHe
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YhpHFrt24
我強忍淚水，深呼一口氣，吐出埋藏多時的心底話：「其實你係咪好嬲我，所以無等我就走咗？我唔係有心話你，我一直都好後悔好內疚，但我唔知可以點做，好怕你嬲咗我⋯⋯」 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsa54610lY
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgcx2m0y70
我以為做錯可怕、道歉更難，但原來無法彌補，才是一輩子遺憾。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZK3ujgWAl
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNTrQlD9fD
所有道歉字句，猶如回音般，只得自己聽見，永無答覆。 就連對方是否討厭自己，你亦無從得知，都只能憑感覺空想，為自己施下內疚魔咒，甘願纏繞一輩子。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fYnKDOKJm
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBR54JBIpXm
「對唔住，我唔係一個乖仔。」說罷，眼淚又不爭氣掉下來。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8fOxvUe2p
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrdfVFFcKI
「阿媽」頓了頓，眼角劃出一滴淚。她沒作理會，卻以紙巾為我抹淚：「當初生你出嚟，唔係諗你乖定曳，只係想你健康開心。 無論你係咪乖仔，你永遠都係我哋嘅宗仔。」 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTosgkxVFu
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrd9cVLZlG
她逐說：「你當晚唔喺度，或者係件好事。 本身我哋傾緊計，但突然覺得好眼瞓，所以想訓一陣。可能出於直覺，你阿爸唔放心，一直望住儀器唔敢訓，點知心跳由80幾突然跌到50、50變30、最後直接變0。 佢反應已經好快，即刻彈起身、叫姑娘醫生過嚟。所有人推曬藥物儀器跑過嚟，打完強心計無反應、即刻做心外壓，依然無反應，打多幾支、繼續搓心，搓成二十幾分鐘，都係無用，完全無呼吸脈搏同心跳。 最後，佢唔想我繼續受苦，決定由我走。睇住自己最親最重視嘅人，上一秒有講有笑、有心跳有靈魂，下一秒毫無血色，成個人僵硬凍冰冰，陰陽相隔。呢個畫面，其實好恐怖、好難受。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZluoSI4eW
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgmO2FpFS8
 即使當時不在現場，單憑阿媽親口描述，我已驚訝得毛骨悚然，但最令我震驚，為阿爸未有講述真相、亦不曾提起此事，僅淡然交代一句，阿媽於睡夢中逝去，過程安祥無痛苦。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBKvjqL9pU
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbe9CKuaHay
我無法想像，他當刻作出決定的心情。愛對方，當然盼望生存保命，但活過來以後，繼續受病魔折磨，病情一次比一次嚴重，到底是愛她還是害她？ 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrDClgZENS
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYC1Bus5Go
「佢從來都無話過我知⋯⋯我嗰晚仲走咗去玩，訓到電話都聽唔到，但佢一句都無怪過我。」也許，我一直錯怪阿爸，他比我想像更愛阿媽，反觀自己，直到失去才懂得珍惜後悔，能夠做到的，就只有保留遺物而已。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Y8yUjQKhQ
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxLJttgbNV
 但我始終不理解、也無法接受他處置阿媽遺物做法。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7WCEIM3tU
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF56u3Jr6B
「點解要怪你？人死不能復生，講比你知，只會更加自責難過，佢唔講，係唔想你再承受打擊。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFai7hixKm
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82EQwsCdr0
 「就算佢唔講，我都會怪自己。」我緊握拳頭道，「阿媽」見狀，輕掃我膊肩苦笑：「其實要講對唔住嘅，應該係我，係我無做好父母責任，令大家咁痛苦。」 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoQkkOd8Bi
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbLdVYx9Fm
「我知你都撐得好辛苦，係為咗我同阿爸先堅持。你走咗之後，阿爸反而笑多咗，更加唔比我提起你，收埋曬啲合照。」我示意阿媽望向周圍，無奈續說：「我諗唔洗我講，你都應該見到。我甚至懷疑過，阿爸係咪出軌。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJJgFTZ2GP
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJHkfWyfrA
 她面色一沉，朝阿爸睡房方向走去，揮手示意我跟隨。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphWQ7VI80j
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkmhvmnhXO
 「你應該無入過去？」 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGAeEZI6b5
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHEjQPYBmV
「無，佢一直閂門。」 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD83219YtOM
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L307o4Rc7
「唔止閂，仲有鎖門。」她轉動門把道。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAo7MLtNGU9
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYbJ8PIgkZ
我錯愕追問：「你一直喺度望住？」她搖頭，指向腦袋位置：「佢話我知。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ogZa3IE7M
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxHxxQDt8v
 「係阿爸話你知？即係佢聽到曬我哋講嘢？咁佢真身喺邊？」我好奇得不斷發問，她則耐性解答：「我可以睇到佢記憶，靈魂依然喺身體，但就算醒翻都唔會記得太清楚。」259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2hN3b7SZR
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6oOWXvVS8
 「哦。」剛才的對話，真誠又赤裸、更互相擁抱。若果阿爸清醒過來，擁有這段回憶，相處會否變得尷尬奇怪？  259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yrzlis3JZ
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbMVk7JDt3
「阿媽」望我一眼，像是看破我心思：「你唔想佢知道？」 我坦白從寬：「自從你唔喺度，我一直唔知點面對阿爸，好似講多幾句就會嘈交，代溝越嚟越大，唔明佢點諗。」 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItJGKwLHYU
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdviGunUtUZ
「男人就係咁，唔鐘意講出口，怕肉麻尷尬。佢唔講，唔代表佢唔關心你，你應該知道，點解佢成日訓梳化。」 我別過臉，不想承認。 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxhbZKSxmU
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmkLV4RQQ4
她笑了笑，然後純熟從褲袋抽出房間鎖匙，兩三下就扭開門。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXCGzFc2Ge
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5Azg5GUtl
 門後景象，並非我想像中簡約整齊，反而雜亂無章、佈滿阿媽生前用品。259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOWiBVNTCn
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxW3kIHQKsT
「點解⋯⋯佢唔係拎曬去回收？」 259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZM43RQk4P
259Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZq0Pab5qd
「呢個，就係我翻嚟原因之一。」她邊說，邊走入房間，自然地攤坐在床上，我跟隨身後，坐在椅上，觀看四周。1234 copyright protection255ＰＥＮＡＮＡmq5PRqL9TF 尼

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