一家人合照、用過的筷子碗碟、她最愛多啦A夢公仔⋯⋯ 有關阿媽貼身用品及心頭好，均一一齊全，幾乎沒有遺漏。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMWBEgnoHJ
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYh7vlblQ9
物品可以循環再造，生命卻無起死回生。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7EIaRpeNQ
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyePbSmtgH
兩年來，我依然不曾發現，甚至誤認為他無情，為其加施出軌「罪行」。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4dfR6MgL4
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGq8L7sUVi3
也許，真正無情的，是我。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVrKhKcVP5
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9erY1RQYXh
「除咗你之外，無人可以幫佢。」她拿起其中一隻多啦A夢公仔，輕力拍去塵埃，再小心放回原位。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPeAlmyM9E
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0y0egpYGNR
此話一出，有種無形壓力壓在雙肩，恐懼自己無法勝任：「點解得我一個？」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnn2btu8BFG
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2c0JL0a2x
阿媽沒作解釋，而是隨手拿起其中一幀家庭照，放到我眼前。 那是阿媽測出癌症前，我們一家三口，最後一次到日本旅行。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugstB78eCB
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCkC1xjave
照片中，我擺出一個冷漠微笑表情，他們兩人則圍住我，於富士山山尾拍照。 昔日畫面，頓時湧上心頭。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7aJptebwO
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrbHwdOKoX
那時，沒有知曉未來能力的我，還傻更更哼着《富士山下》，裝作睿智問道，應為「要擁有，必先等失去怎接受。」抑是「要擁有必先等失去，怎接受。」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3K3DZKK9r
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFxid5cvtp
我想，無論是前者或後者，結果同樣沒法接受。 有時候，我會羨慕別人，自己不過是二十多歲，竟已失去母親，被迫面對死亡。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbkgVoxLjA
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa3tvarTsa
喪禮當日，不少親戚長輩，均輕拍我肩膊，要我好好孝順阿爸，表示未來就靠我支撐。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBH5AuosE8u
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobOhvTQPQA
每下輕拍，都如巨石般重壓，有種無形壓力，要我一下子負起所有責任。我只能點頭苦笑，敷衍他們說話。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfc3SGab0w
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1kbEt367t
若果自己再年長點，會否有足夠成熟及智慧，能夠承受這一切。 仔細再想，無論何時發生，年輕或年老，均無法淡然接受，豁達面對。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLumk8eij3
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXfR46ltl1
可我竟認為，阿爸年紀大，能成熟應對，懂走出傷痛，輕視他痛苦。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmrh9xANyi
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BFz0NC6yO
他會否與我一樣，渴望有人關心，而非獨自承受？ 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnTAr5UEyt
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5lEiwOHtJ
「呢段時間，佢將所有心機放喺我哋身上，最能夠相信嘅人，就喺曬相入面。」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xxu3NzfS9
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVH2Vzm9jm
「但阿爸會信得過我？」畢竟從那天開始，他就決心隱瞞事實，不讓所有人知道，打算獨自承受一切。 時隔兩年才示好，就連如何開口，我都無從入手。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0QHA19ZOM
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVojAzDRnzZ
「呢張相，你話呢度好睇，佢先Set腳架影，我話另一邊清啲，佢就點都聽唔入耳。咁你話佢信你定信我多啲？」她反問。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSPbfblHoe
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡummDRv3f1X
我沉默不語，內心卻冒出答案。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0FwIvATgR
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlc83xJd25f
「佢一直信你，只係你唔信佢。」阿媽直接了當說，我下意識立即反駁，卻無法自圓其說。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt1nXsAw9L
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwxGXGmjLN
「年紀差太遠，呢啲叫代溝。」我推搪着。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2S9CcBux8I
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DfzZMadCN
「車，又唔見我哋代溝。」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrCCBf90Wu
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpY9AehKJit
「都有㗎，但你明我講咩。」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOq9PKchbmm
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCKe8RqvO4
「你都無同佢講嘢。」137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdW1G3uwJp
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UQHXjMzKj
  「一講咪嘈交。」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4r1ulLR83j
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg9sgNT8Ln
「你唔講佢點明。」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRK5gbpE6eb
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW0ggAvPkD
「佢聽得入耳先得㗎。」137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzW0mwnTYe6
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhAq6jRSI6
 「你未試就知佢聽唔入耳？」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlvCEJVHGE
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHYd7N3mSv
「我試過，但⋯⋯」我欲言又止。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVZVjLDlHu
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjA6USN6d5
 「試吓原諒佢？」阿媽的三寸不爛之舌，出口快狠準，簡短卻精準，令我啞口無言，不得不屈服。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopVYEWkHa1
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw2Hj7T4OQ
 儘管每次落敗，我依舊懷念鬥嘴時光，好比沉默不語。阿媽回來，頓覺整間屋充滿活力，非死氣沉沉，沉靜無聊。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqdAc7BRKx
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzdh4KkWKz
不知何時開始，我害怕面對阿爸，連說一句晚安，都經多番掙扎，每次說到嘴邊，便打消念頭，直接上床訓覺。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEczKWTjgyj
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4j1xfJRpT
漸漸地，彼此不再交流對話，同坐餐桌，各有修行，卻曉有默契，互不搭嘴。 若他與阿媽說話，我則專注食飯，他安靜下來，就由我與阿媽閒聊。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwTs4BOUMQ
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR9rku0SiB
 彼此傾訴對象，就只有阿媽一個。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqEvYKjD4H
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEm9CU5kMew
這兩年來，大家對答次數，應該也有百多句，如果「哦」及「嗯」這些答覆也包括在內。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjwo3PIAD3
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OCcE7NDW1
 但真正交流，可謂少之又少。 對上一次直視他、講出心底話，要追溯到四年前爭執。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvDKDuNkfm
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1cYu8YYfp
 那時候，阿媽為勸交，竟勸得流眼淚，可阿爸並無動容，無情說出一句話，令我感心寒可怕，自此對他心死。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQREb8CsQ5X
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYy81zYyKaX
 「你走咗唔好再翻嚟。」 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQqSYQlwY9
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LiiX7wpXu
他說得字字鏗鏘，像是我踏出家門半步，就馬上斷絕關係。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWQdBIfYYk
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFT0ziXZvj
 原來，於價值觀面前，關係也不過脆弱如紙。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAI8Hl45cHn
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9amja2JOr
我只不過，希望他能理解我想法，而非站在電視前，隔住螢幕指手劃腳，喝罵批評我們的不是。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YTVYO8cSw
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BuN7tVMTL
我怕，他變成我最討厭一群人，我更怕，我就是他所指的混蛋。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee0W8Fgfu2
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52IvtKEFwl
當雙方處於對立立場，彼此都渴望對方歸邊，誤以為激辯一番，世界就會變好，我們就能和好。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjGlG2vtUy
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HiiD41VW8
但最終，我仍淪為，他口中的混蛋；他終成為，我內心最討厭的人。 也許，我們都有錯，錯在想拗贏對方，錯在想得到對方認同。 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlU1BSE3kB
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSNQmIq8yE
如今，彼此不再交流半句，這結果，又如他所願、如我所想嗎？ 137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqsLLND6D9
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULUvr1fr58
我不知道。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvpb3tmwSk
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tcrkjaJoP
我只知道，他能輕易說出那句話，輕視我倆相處回憶，輕鬆捨棄彼此關係。137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXheHLZG6eJ
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Dio2DhauG
137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRF1Krv0Bir
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