一家人合照、用過的筷子碗碟、她最愛多啦A夢公仔⋯⋯ 有關阿媽貼身用品及心頭好，均一一齊全，幾乎沒有遺漏。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPCNgzObXe
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcEcukVlJZ
物品可以循環再造，生命卻無起死回生。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfb71PeSZFG
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPYlfUT2Le
兩年來，我依然不曾發現，甚至誤認為他無情，為其加施出軌「罪行」。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqO2AJ24gn
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4Y4abpk7B
也許，真正無情的，是我。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSJMZYEb7p
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlchGN7yFHS
「除咗你之外，無人可以幫佢。」她拿起其中一隻多啦A夢公仔，輕力拍去塵埃，再小心放回原位。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mWlMOSjia
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQH3RHXu6j
此話一出，有種無形壓力壓在雙肩，恐懼自己無法勝任：「點解得我一個？」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHX3PDx72t
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3UfutUQxK
阿媽沒作解釋，而是隨手拿起其中一幀家庭照，放到我眼前。 那是阿媽測出癌症前，我們一家三口，最後一次到日本旅行。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpjrcM9lFv
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMTGBr6H8a
照片中，我擺出一個冷漠微笑表情，他們兩人則圍住我，於富士山山尾拍照。 昔日畫面，頓時湧上心頭。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLhxpPIAYA
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqixTLSMkTE
那時，沒有知曉未來能力的我，還傻更更哼着《富士山下》，裝作睿智問道，應為「要擁有，必先等失去怎接受。」抑是「要擁有必先等失去，怎接受。」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgH6fAGbhqg
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi94hG066TS
我想，無論是前者或後者，結果同樣沒法接受。 有時候，我會羨慕別人，自己不過是二十多歲，竟已失去母親，被迫面對死亡。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H1UGudeKw
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rmukYa5u1
喪禮當日，不少親戚長輩，均輕拍我肩膊，要我好好孝順阿爸，表示未來就靠我支撐。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfBQ2Mz9bH
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukzp0Yr91q
每下輕拍，都如巨石般重壓，有種無形壓力，要我一下子負起所有責任。我只能點頭苦笑，敷衍他們說話。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxILUY5tvu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoSUpI7uZV
若果自己再年長點，會否有足夠成熟及智慧，能夠承受這一切。 仔細再想，無論何時發生，年輕或年老，均無法淡然接受，豁達面對。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK6BdOhNQ7
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC911qh9MI7
可我竟認為，阿爸年紀大，能成熟應對，懂走出傷痛，輕視他痛苦。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLlOukpNga
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjFgtr5Ty3
他會否與我一樣，渴望有人關心，而非獨自承受？ 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2X9xB0pZM9
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0IWV6zDJj
「呢段時間，佢將所有心機放喺我哋身上，最能夠相信嘅人，就喺曬相入面。」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7u924beJwY
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQqwjkCadG
「但阿爸會信得過我？」畢竟從那天開始，他就決心隱瞞事實，不讓所有人知道，打算獨自承受一切。 時隔兩年才示好，就連如何開口，我都無從入手。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuYMLiokMA
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ugqnHRyiw
「呢張相，你話呢度好睇，佢先Set腳架影，我話另一邊清啲，佢就點都聽唔入耳。咁你話佢信你定信我多啲？」她反問。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBvbt4dfXY
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgK8SM7cck4
我沉默不語，內心卻冒出答案。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyhRJ1uVqd
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yVKjpZbrJ
「佢一直信你，只係你唔信佢。」阿媽直接了當說，我下意識立即反駁，卻無法自圓其說。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDaIitif9c
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0wczZCEBV
「年紀差太遠，呢啲叫代溝。」我推搪着。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcMpDqcdVQ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZuzjQkclK
「車，又唔見我哋代溝。」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxVQjopywp
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXinkX8HoJh
「都有㗎，但你明我講咩。」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8q24RbssJ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRzOkphNuS
「你都無同佢講嘢。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMCmQsjYmP
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmPT2onfy1
  「一講咪嘈交。」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VhN4WrGNl
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKghGSV5DT
「你唔講佢點明。」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0g24dkoTz
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWu0ORdIym
「佢聽得入耳先得㗎。」167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yvQQESrj4
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UFfRkbQPu
 「你未試就知佢聽唔入耳？」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6p0uejpIQ
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZxlbgYEJq
「我試過，但⋯⋯」我欲言又止。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdReQE3ZxgT
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvM8zoHnAW
 「試吓原諒佢？」阿媽的三寸不爛之舌，出口快狠準，簡短卻精準，令我啞口無言，不得不屈服。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETYYq04WrS
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0oUQYUzT8
 儘管每次落敗，我依舊懷念鬥嘴時光，好比沉默不語。阿媽回來，頓覺整間屋充滿活力，非死氣沉沉，沉靜無聊。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkk8btojLhC
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHsUPVLBct
不知何時開始，我害怕面對阿爸，連說一句晚安，都經多番掙扎，每次說到嘴邊，便打消念頭，直接上床訓覺。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50Y6uVQUvP
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCyx8oETwV
漸漸地，彼此不再交流對話，同坐餐桌，各有修行，卻曉有默契，互不搭嘴。 若他與阿媽說話，我則專注食飯，他安靜下來，就由我與阿媽閒聊。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LFd8bblZN
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwf4zseVSP
 彼此傾訴對象，就只有阿媽一個。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD1vwQpYTu
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfp7bPKmIYO
這兩年來，大家對答次數，應該也有百多句，如果「哦」及「嗯」這些答覆也包括在內。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlmrZ6xSQr
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaMplHbYus
 但真正交流，可謂少之又少。 對上一次直視他、講出心底話，要追溯到四年前爭執。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOpwGoWT2O
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakHXXrgQ6w
 那時候，阿媽為勸交，竟勸得流眼淚，可阿爸並無動容，無情說出一句話，令我感心寒可怕，自此對他心死。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5w9pgoYhA
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCs6qCxm2z
 「你走咗唔好再翻嚟。」 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8MKgYcPew
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOtF1AU7iY
他說得字字鏗鏘，像是我踏出家門半步，就馬上斷絕關係。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAbVCdPUet
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoZ9VtlYLz
 原來，於價值觀面前，關係也不過脆弱如紙。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsd4eYVj19
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSyHITi4L5
我只不過，希望他能理解我想法，而非站在電視前，隔住螢幕指手劃腳，喝罵批評我們的不是。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGluygVBi5Q
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjiCaelf2n
我怕，他變成我最討厭一群人，我更怕，我就是他所指的混蛋。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFBTvQrQkI
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlk6GPdQp03
當雙方處於對立立場，彼此都渴望對方歸邊，誤以為激辯一番，世界就會變好，我們就能和好。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrXJIB2qt0
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8R9v8MoLIa
但最終，我仍淪為，他口中的混蛋；他終成為，我內心最討厭的人。 也許，我們都有錯，錯在想拗贏對方，錯在想得到對方認同。 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxApfq1ggZy
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjk4yU2iuOB
如今，彼此不再交流半句，這結果，又如他所願、如我所想嗎？ 167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAm39YZITY
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjhHhgITBy
我不知道。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfpK8GdXIT
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1p1uA027v
我只知道，他能輕易說出那句話，輕視我倆相處回憶，輕鬆捨棄彼此關係。167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYvORoEyQb
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnybZcFRViI
167Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZUe2MOHLL
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