the Was. of Jimmy McVonson - act one; division eight: )cell)recep’tion)

diet shaming, suicidal ideation

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we watched tv

gail and seth hit it off as expected

they both thought i was weird

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the adults spoke about pops

how he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes

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gail told him he should eat less

how inspired

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i let the tv go fuzzy

and the audio went fuzzy too

and i thought about killing myself

not myself

the doe

i shot and killed a doe

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and that was just

fine.

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for the rest of the week seth tried to get me into sports

but with hunting as my introduction to it

that wasn’t likely to be my new favourite thing

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when we said goodbye i told seth i had a good time

and that i wanted to see him again

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that wasn’t completely a lie

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i liked the house

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and the forest

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and the way uncle seth tried so hard to be my friend

even though i was nothing like him

and i probably was weird

and rude.

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I received a text from pandora when we got to reception

i made her a voice message over the yapping of adults in the care

i told i couldn't read her message

but i appreciated it

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she voice messaged back

almost immediately

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she said sorry and told me what the messages said

i listened with the microphone to my ear so nobody else would hear it

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she told me what she'd been up to

and she had had a busy week too

we sent whispered messages back and forth

the whole way home

i told her all about uncle seth

and the doe

and how it made me feel

and she told me about her family

and how her dad was going through a rough time

with his mental health

we connected

in a way

and i didn’t look out the window for hours

and i got car sick

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but it was worth it

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and when i got home

i looked up pandora’s poetry on wattpad

she read it aloud to me

it was surreal

but there was definitely something dark about it

something painful and terrifying

below the surface

even when she spoke it so sweetly

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i slept at my desk

at 3:45AM

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