the Was. of Jimmy McVonson - act one; division nine: Killing Myself

suicide, extreme shame

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZM20IfcBTd

my neck was sore when i woke up

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwavzYL8k4

and i thought

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLAnR1U50u

i felt brave enough to do it

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEJhK1ErOi

to get rid of myself

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7o7houBkT

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZXWeeooT4

you want a reason?

this is my reason:

there is no adult version of me

there is nothing after this

i don't know it

i don't care to know it

i take too much and i give too little

i'm a parasite

and the fact that nobody else is brave enough to say it

only makes it worse

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwGhdbqquL

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoNmayvPgv

i didn’t want pops to see me kill myself

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuunKH4l926

gail wouldn’t have noticed if she did

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffKNASj468

i decided to go far away

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhdBEBsM3x

i kept walking

until the area stopped feeling like my hometown

it felt like desert

but it wasn’t desert

it was just slightly more rural than i was used to

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0v9hRvXcL

there was a small cramped dairy

the bright colours made me feel like going inside

i’d like to look at all the pretty snacks

but i didn’t go

because it’s not a library

shops expect you to buy stuff

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8D6mQjLZah

it was cold

i was just in a t-shirt and jeans

not a plain t-shirt

never a plain t-shirt

but it wasn’t very warm

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLGwFoPmm7

it started spitting

not too wet

but very cold

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQLxs6lOXr

i said aloud to myself

“let’s get this over with”

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhHk07a3ht

i pretended to myself

that it was a smaller deal

'nothing to worry too much about.'

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRVAGpMB0H

there was a brown-orange train track running through the grassy hills

not many people were around

because it was a sunday morning

and it wasn’t a stereotypically beautiful day

but there were still trains

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44JMcnj9Jb

i could see one coming

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgdvqOYwmw

i went to stand on the train track

as the train was coming along

i was nervous

or excited

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70zVA3qxlV

to feel the force

i’d never felt before

that was strong enough to kill me

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3AFk5CTWx

or maybe it’s the train

cutting against the tracks that would do it

would that be possible?

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjHHZgtOfR

either way i was ready

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeK9JC7mbu

i wanted to be dead

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8VzuRcM2r

now

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP1SpehP84

but the train stopped

with a loud screech

and someone got out

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlj1m5s6iq

i wasn’t prepared to get yelled at

or to explain myself

or to say sorry

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iG5IxI1dG

i hadn’t considered that the people in the train might be affected too

and that made me feel worse than before

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoKETVJik2

so i ran

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBP0ZJ185e

i just fled the scene

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WDOhR2H6T

because there was nothing else i had energy for

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrmBB8usQ5

fuck.

i tried choking myself with a piece of flax

behind the flax bush where no one could see me

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MWh5w59KH

it didn’t work

it was never going to work

it was a stupid idea

279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWPftsDDMh

and i was stupid

and crouched in a damp bush

with no heart to do anything else

end.279Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9OhsxIVaY

ns216.73.216.113da2

介面主題:

字體大小:

行距:

段距:

自動加載下一章