the Was. of Jimmy McVonson - act one; division nine: Killing Myself

suicide, extreme shame

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaF5Vew9Vz

my neck was sore when i woke up

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTOXF78aaJ

and i thought

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAAyXH8vVv

i felt brave enough to do it

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsRR7htMxv

to get rid of myself

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPSdoIM8gN

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWmkArSgGp

you want a reason?

this is my reason:

there is no adult version of me

there is nothing after this

i don't know it

i don't care to know it

i take too much and i give too little

i'm a parasite

and the fact that nobody else is brave enough to say it

only makes it worse

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC4wDQnsS5

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvK7i18EX5

i didn’t want pops to see me kill myself

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJZxvGH3hm

gail wouldn’t have noticed if she did

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeKORSfXYj

i decided to go far away

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWeDtDV2QF

i kept walking

until the area stopped feeling like my hometown

it felt like desert

but it wasn’t desert

it was just slightly more rural than i was used to

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLVchNb6bB

there was a small cramped dairy

the bright colours made me feel like going inside

i’d like to look at all the pretty snacks

but i didn’t go

because it’s not a library

shops expect you to buy stuff

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Wyt303FWB

it was cold

i was just in a t-shirt and jeans

not a plain t-shirt

never a plain t-shirt

but it wasn’t very warm

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaajUIOVso

it started spitting

not too wet

but very cold

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAg7RW4l1LN

i said aloud to myself

“let’s get this over with”

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOlQKcCtDi

i pretended to myself

that it was a smaller deal

'nothing to worry too much about.'

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOfuYw3HbU

there was a brown-orange train track running through the grassy hills

not many people were around

because it was a sunday morning

and it wasn’t a stereotypically beautiful day

but there were still trains

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZ2WPmzXH9

i could see one coming

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3V4BvJxfT

i went to stand on the train track

as the train was coming along

i was nervous

or excited

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJ2TF8OekQ

to feel the force

i’d never felt before

that was strong enough to kill me

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo93osYRXB2

or maybe it’s the train

cutting against the tracks that would do it

would that be possible?

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAn7wGCov39

either way i was ready

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99ur0swRLZ

i wanted to be dead

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucIhnQPker

now

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaiVFIuayV

but the train stopped

with a loud screech

and someone got out

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXHRKwNno2

i wasn’t prepared to get yelled at

or to explain myself

or to say sorry

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFw2jt17O1

i hadn’t considered that the people in the train might be affected too

and that made me feel worse than before

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXjieUsQ8W

so i ran

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6TcXjRNkv

i just fled the scene

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt0PooMlcu

because there was nothing else i had energy for

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzIK30gvuB

fuck.

i tried choking myself with a piece of flax

behind the flax bush where no one could see me

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzo6WErjBd

it didn’t work

it was never going to work

it was a stupid idea

463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHN0ssHEUk

and i was stupid

and crouched in a damp bush

with no heart to do anything else

end.463Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzholqDYY5X

ns216.73.216.253da2

介面主題:

字體大小:

行距:

段距:

自動加載下一章