the Was. of Jimmy McVonson - act one; division ten: gettting -outtt

suicidal ideation

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he said “jim”

he said “were you trying to kill yourself?”

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his moustache twitched

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i said nothing.

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“i’m asking because i want to know”

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i shook my head.

hard and fast.

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“well if there’s anything i can do” he said

“anything at all”

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i scoffed loudly and looked away.

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“i mean it, what do you want?”

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“i want to not live with you, pops.

“i want to be alone most of the time.

“i want to not be a child.”

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i left him in the kitchen

and went to my bedroom

where everything looked suddenly childish

my stupid little toys

and the designs on my pillowcase and wallpaper

the shrek tv

fucking tumbles the stuffed polyester ostrich

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it was my fault they treated me this way.

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pops knocked politely on my door

i answered it -- to encourage

good behaviour from him --

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“hey, jim” he said softly

“are you ok?”

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“sure” i huffed.

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“you know i can give you what you want.”

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“what?”

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“mum and i can get you an apartment of your own.

“not a big one but there are actually a lot up for rent in this city.”

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i fully believed it was a dream,

so i hugged him.

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