A month before Bensimon disappeared and died. We met at his home. It was a chilly calm day in October. He looked almost happy, like a deer that found a source of light in the forest. The memory of him changing crossed my head. He blended in so well with grass than.
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His mother was in the house, she was angry with him for the usual reasons. “What wouldn’t you do something more useful, rather than working in the free shop? Then buy a flat and have kids one day?”
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It was touching that she didn’t mention that he was arrested and that criminal conviction might one day leave a emotional scar on his record.
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“Mom I liked working there.” Bensimon said. It was from then I noticed something I should have seen a long time ago. He always looked like he was whispering to invisible creatures around him. Say once we were in a restaurant, and he would say thank you to invisible beings before he sat down, as if he was addressing the seat. On the mtr, he would check that the seat was cold before sitting on it, like checking on the stove. He wouldn’t want to interfere with previous spirits that touched the possessions. It was part of his delusions, I assumed. Thinking about it was so sad. Bensimon looked like he was disappearing into the shadows, and he was merging into the background.
“Surely, you would cope with all this.” I left out the part of his arrest, not wanting to hurt him further. “You are just in a bad situation, young people get lost while figuring themselves. But you would come out of it. I would be waiting for you.” I said, trying to sound as kind as I could.
“Silly, Bauhinia, you really are. I know. You are kind. This is not what I would want for you, however. I think you would be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
“Stupid boy,” His mom said, “You talked as if you left us.”
He said nothing to his mom, but I believed his gratitude was expressed soundlessly. “I
“If I ever left.” He said, “I wished you would go on with our lives normally. Visit the thank you store sometimes, get free things, and don’t stop believing in yourself. You have such a good life waiting for you. And I wished you would go on to have a loving life with the other boy, Darcy.”
His mom shook her head, thinking Bensimon was saying crazy things that he didn’t mean again.
“Yes mom I supposed one day I might also stop volunteering there. If it’s all suffering I may as well take it easy.”
“Then I would bring you things from there. What do you think would be the thing you miss the most?” I said cheerfully. I wanted only him to stay with us.
“I think the instant ramen. I really would miss those flavors Uncle Royce got from overseas that I never tried from the local stores. ” Bensimon scratched his head, as if he was puzzled. Then he burst into laughter, knowing how silly he was. I was joyed to see him lighten up. And that was the last time I saw Bensimon.
I caught the pandemic virus afterall. I sat at home like a queen in an isle with people bringing me foods. I was too weak to be entirely on my own afterall, and letting others love me was not a weakness. The system is cute afterall, although it ate people alive. It gave us basic amenities and picked you up like a seahell under a big sea wave on the shore.
Strange dreams dominated my half awake life, and revolution, classical music, anime, boardgames all seemed to blended in together.
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and then Add to home screen.