穿上周立沖的衣服，林蓁便一起躺在床上。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmky6FkcKYl
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4DpaNYXgU
他舉著平板電腦，二人一起看YouTube，她卻失神——660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokSAerWkfN
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmsnqwjmXZ
想起，方才輔導員重複問她：660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpQNa68X9n
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZfp4mEPxC
「你有過自殺嘅經驗？可唔可以講吓係點㗎？」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3XXjdKdij
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iJ77OjVVj
原先，她表現好的落落大方、標準笑容全都在這一瞬萎縮。她的聲音變得好小，支支吾吾，說：660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmcn2wsM6H
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy3GNW9Ug1
「其實只係食咗一樽安眠藥，嗰陣時，無啦啦覺得繼續留喺度都無意思。但最後唔成功——」她乾笑幾聲，「好失敗啊可？」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSWeX9gvsR
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppGFyOrU2Q
「好彩你無事，先可以嚟到呢度。」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Snfpb4vvr
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZWGxO7wEg
輔導員追問林蓁對日常生活的影響、過去創傷，在紙上抄抄寫寫；再三確認林蓁現時並無自殘自殺念頭後，輔導員說，兩天後，可以見輔導員，如有需要就去看精神科。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQABcGV6DC
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESc8rUd2vc
原來對著陌生人說話，比起與認識的人坦露真心容易，原來。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4S8Nipr2Q
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cbXe9USPn
反正只是見幾次，不需顧及印象及形象，而且，輔導員們見得太多人，越是獨特身份才越會害怕。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRs9aE3YX6t
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeS7SUDLvV
林蓁説起家庭、愛情、友情、工作的不順，除了需費時組織，就像談論好天氣。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaG2e1WFoFu
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj59qQ2YqU
在等待確認下次見面日期時，她坐在房間外的沙發，也有學生一樣落座，和她對視，又移開目光。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ppBfbTfL6
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAfl4vKdKe
「Counsellor話你唔算好急，下下下星期一早上十一點得唔得？」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQkOB4NvXj
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNNASV2RJv
櫃台職員問林蓁旁邊的學生，他點點頭，應一句好。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYETxSibQM
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybu8exSs97
當下，林蓁心驚，大家怎樣分辨緊急或遲緩呢？如果一個人，不是下一秒就要死，但也是非常傷心，只憑意志力維持日常——終於鼓起勇氣預約服務，最後被兜口兜面說「唔係好急」，該作何感想——林蓁忽然焦慮，是否因為多提一嘴曾經自殺，所以才有機會優先見輔導？660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbS6InpgeJV
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOz0PvME1AK
可是，現在她還想活下去，其實也是「唔急」。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3deWPguBh5
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1rJf9LDqT
從輔導中心出來，雨下得很大。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWBHPhHOtZ
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaI5Hk3Fc6
林蓁感覺，身體像要化在雨中，融成空絕，才罕有地主動致電周立沖，與他見面。然後，躲到室內，看雨落啊落。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliZecPS6YY
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUUomRFYQN
溫溫馨馨地度過了一些似乎沒有意義的時光後，周立沖親吻林蓁，然後帶她煮飯。主要是他掌杓，她在旁邊遞遞食材、洗洗碗。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxh9NmGmZk
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32L8sTpVK2
「鍾意你。」他說。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpccq6w5bf2
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyANiJcyHM4
「我都係。」她應。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoozhWTX8Z
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqT1nyOFmV
誰都不知當中有幾分是真。她將大部分心神放在眼前的晚餐上。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5gGSq4ZRY
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8f7n6cTbkA
只有食物是安全的，吃進口裡，質感、味道，作不了假，落入胃的飽腹感始終沉實，像一個裝滿了石頭的麻袋墮入水中，本來怎樣空虛也好，最後還是落地，暫停無止境的飄游。只要不怕窒息，一時安心總是重要的。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVid21V3geW
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPdpmZff71
「好唔好食啊？有無太鹹？」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFkgTjfm9p
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XOqn713IC
「好好食，咩都啱啱好！」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ521ui1Vywi
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyjOl2bFjN
「A小姐都好鍾意食海鮮炒飯，之前同佢出面食，一眼就揀中。」他忍不住提起前度。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyzdczRKCX
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAkv72JzJJ
「你煮得有餐廳水平嘅。」她笑。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcszbnEnHNi
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPVVc5j1QF
二人過後做愛、入睡。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZreKhkufwu
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WzsfDp1QK
林蓁沒有告知輔導員，和周立沖現在的關係，她只是說有一個喜歡的人，但不能一起。她怕被批判。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQXnvjbIwF
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEG23DP8T00
與前度再遇，又沒有建立承諾，無名無分，但有肉體上的交纏，這是不道德的關係，也罷；最怕是被人知道，自己愛而不得，迂迴地留在喜歡的人身邊，壓下所有嫉妒、佔有、迷惘，漸漸，也不知目的。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEItjwBqr2
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68jsxKPzUa
她難以忍受被人以輕蔑眼神看待，這令她想起父親。所以，每次談到現在，她也無法披露和周立沖的後續故事。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMsOmNObxp
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4BHhCaqhG
即使，她會在心裡一句句「唔係好女仔」地罵自己，還是，無法讓身邊的人知道。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5qxlNn6N7
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XUBqe0tEo
無論經過怎樣的情感掙扎及理性思考——660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1klbEunx4
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5qxnIw6Jf
哎吔，佢真心鍾意你就唔會捨得你唔開心。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5z4UmkVz7
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp82cNgloez
哎吔，你到底想唔想要幸福？再同佢過落去真係對未來有幫助咩？660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJdlvimXfY
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBtTmjT6np
哎吔，你有無必要委屈自己屈埋咁多嘢呢？660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66z8AhOu83
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDRxvOX2x4
哎吔，佢個心喺人哋度，同你共對，連佢見到嘅係咪你都唔肯定、唔敢問。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXkXoWZyp2
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4yO31G1PQ
哎吔，你想要人陪，定係要佢陪？660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvdMs6kp96
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBA2eg2ic0
她糊糊塗塗。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrk8N8jCHrM
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtlzG3ZEX8
總之，她繼續與周立沖交纏。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpvYH9qcFG
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VOFDvcpOz
最怕空虛。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HeZ34N7CR
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe52GmHCy6r
/660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbt32n22hXH
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNscWQNAKy6
兩天後，林蓁與輔導員見面。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvV4phOG49o
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2Wcmj8HBL
輔導員頭髮長長，笑容極具感染力，整齊雪白的上排牙教人也想跟住笑，像一種熱情的邀約。或出於本能，或出於禮貌，林蓁變得熱情，一來就講講講，不斷敍述。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpjcMt0gL6
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvZAIuwUpG
她唸心理學，也讀過輔導課程，很快便引入自己的情況，分門別類，強調自己沒有想死，日常「高功能」，生活如常。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4G4nWNOWE
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jPVeXrF1B
「你放鬆啲先，放低腦裡面好多好多嘅事，我哋逐樣逐樣，仔細少少咁講。」這次，輔導員沒有笑。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRMWDMDbAG
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoies3z5B5
「好。」林蓁也跟著嚴肅。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJ2egVXUEQ
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvApgk5YbM2
發現自己「有啲唔對路」，是一向自詡記性甚好的她，常常忘記發生過的事，在聽別人說話時，無法專心。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAovZhYD2yU
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8ty5Y8oZa
她在兼職送外賣時失神，回神發現自己竟越行越遠，凍檸茶的冰一早融化。她不禁慶幸並無將飲料倒瀉。還有，令她後知後覺的害怕是，時時忘記為什麼來到正身處之地，一刻清醒，完全無法辨認身在何方，沒有任何步行的記憶。最初，她還戲想，難道自己有了超能力、懂得瞬間轉移？但是她突然醒來的茫然和被路人碰撞的肉體，只讓她肯定：不是！不是！哪種神奇力量會只得危害生命的後果呢。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVl9mVXIQt
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaBGeXnTeQ
她不過在日常之中夢遊。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLrrSS8MnP1
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi49RHfNsIr
「幾時開始呢？」輔導員問。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AoFd93f96
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtOtMOzx29
「上年12月開始。」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Jt0sdDpXD
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwXv2y5LY8
「頻率係？」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMACJLbxuB
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vnQzbO0IW
「幾日一次？我都唔肯定。」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKJmBtBssY
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpb0kmuHeZY
「呢個係其中一個你嚟呢度嘅原因？」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzjOixH7bi
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTey1OO0B2W
「可以咁講，我唔想死住嘛。但最主要都係失眠。」林蓁又笑。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5leX1i3lj
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9aouUKgNQ
她不是刻意裝出這個嘴角的弧度，只是習慣。相比起讓輔導員覺得她很嚴重、要死了要死了，她寧願真誠地擺出一個「其實我真的還好」的樣子。內心深處，她還是希望輔導中心理一理她，但又不要將太多資源放在她身上。明明，她有半年多時間「夢遊」，此前也常常覺得生活無望——660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSsKZwK5JJ
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeF1RbjlP0
喂，但活來活去都未死！扮咩抑鬱啫，真係有事就快啲自殺啦。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZH7B90L0b2
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppG8e9HBVe
——其實你講嚟講去，都係呢啲。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh952NjGee
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHObITLxRB1
——如果真係咁辛苦，不如試吓踏出第一步改變？660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCcCJL1Dwx
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcxHonQM65
恍神間，她想起舊時的自己，時時擔當聆聽者給予他們安慰，也許是生性沉靜、守口如瓶之故，所以，她總可以收集許多秘密和心事。或許擅長安慰別人的人，不是陽光、樂觀、積極，正正是可以共情一些負能量，才可給予易地而處的回應。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV8zyfKgvg
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJnSV0IaBp
然而，可能是形象予人的印象太深刻，當她後來主動談起自己，除了第一次別人比較好奇和關心，以後，誰都無法適應。人與人之間的角色，沒有那麼流通，稍一不慎便失序，亂成一團。她用同一雙傾聽心事的耳朵，接收朋友叫她「唔好再無啦啦唔開心啦」。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJtyqlxPMe
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4sdAHwWeM
——你到底唔開心緊啲咩呢？660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fpQYLoEAo
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5yX1m2nWA
——過去嘅事，都係要睇開啲㗎啦。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzbrC53mJM
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LiSPYvpKk
認識一個人，和他說過去、現在、未來，這些那些時空的自己，若要以言語裝載，又不知落點何在。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdtnbFOEno
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UVzlZIq63
後來她說出口，由於不開心的事——最令她不開心的事，其實也是那些，然而，從聆聽角度上，也許太沒有新鮮感，因此不夠吸引。她已經嘗試，怎樣為那些在她心上植根多年的舊枝葉，多加兩朵花。譬如，在說她失去舊愛人時，則會提起「今天出門時，見到他」。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaKJdLjIbm
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRYUl9BkC2
連傾訴都不真誠。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpCDM2RKsD
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCWY66AMdj
不開心又不去死。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgs8iuzSvp
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxoT8jNjhz
不去死又不改變。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNkad0HwZj
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpdUnEX4aa
林蓁語詞混亂地將以上說了一通，又補充：660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaDB1MKt6P
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZXEWzvvCT
「但佢哋其實係我朋友，都對我唔錯……唔係真係唔鍾意我，只係唔覺得我覺得唔開心嘅事，真係值得唔開心，或者，唔開心咁耐。佢哋會認真畀意見我，話自己以前都經歷過，嚴重得多，所有嘢都會過去，只要願意。只係我無辦法。」660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPr4zLE6Bb
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV670nPmK38
無辦法。她無辦法以快樂回報朋友的關心。660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnf9U9gMr9o
660Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllv9jcIsv8
and then Add to home screen.