穿上周立沖的衣服，林蓁便一起躺在床上。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkPWMEhED8
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzHOROJbll
他舉著平板電腦，二人一起看YouTube，她卻失神——661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUiDwKlHOf
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbbn241y2J
想起，方才輔導員重複問她：661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4v5P4C1Z5
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8S7lYPyVx
「你有過自殺嘅經驗？可唔可以講吓係點㗎？」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiv0FfjHu1v
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpY5Zep8gh
原先，她表現好的落落大方、標準笑容全都在這一瞬萎縮。她的聲音變得好小，支支吾吾，說：661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLdGtBGSfW
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMcZ9hLUW1
「其實只係食咗一樽安眠藥，嗰陣時，無啦啦覺得繼續留喺度都無意思。但最後唔成功——」她乾笑幾聲，「好失敗啊可？」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcy4kIiCed
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnww94Vo0n
「好彩你無事，先可以嚟到呢度。」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBGDFu9nIf
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3S14OqmMS
輔導員追問林蓁對日常生活的影響、過去創傷，在紙上抄抄寫寫；再三確認林蓁現時並無自殘自殺念頭後，輔導員說，兩天後，可以見輔導員，如有需要就去看精神科。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hO2Djl3cL
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfy8pO7zyC0
原來對著陌生人說話，比起與認識的人坦露真心容易，原來。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7CZVKwWZz
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZrn7HgmhR
反正只是見幾次，不需顧及印象及形象，而且，輔導員們見得太多人，越是獨特身份才越會害怕。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOIB2IPYrC
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7fm9nSsMN
林蓁説起家庭、愛情、友情、工作的不順，除了需費時組織，就像談論好天氣。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYqwdcrIgY
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmX7SpJp3d
在等待確認下次見面日期時，她坐在房間外的沙發，也有學生一樣落座，和她對視，又移開目光。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEXqmCWwsk
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRI9zz3kpF
「Counsellor話你唔算好急，下下下星期一早上十一點得唔得？」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs3B09u9OP
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PIfi46Skx
櫃台職員問林蓁旁邊的學生，他點點頭，應一句好。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSVrHouTWY
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDqKP0yL0C
當下，林蓁心驚，大家怎樣分辨緊急或遲緩呢？如果一個人，不是下一秒就要死，但也是非常傷心，只憑意志力維持日常——終於鼓起勇氣預約服務，最後被兜口兜面說「唔係好急」，該作何感想——林蓁忽然焦慮，是否因為多提一嘴曾經自殺，所以才有機會優先見輔導？661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Djfjknvck
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxv9bwJCMiQ
可是，現在她還想活下去，其實也是「唔急」。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmV3LpNF8h
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8mHamPNDL
從輔導中心出來，雨下得很大。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttG8bQUKM8
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUqLkALS56
林蓁感覺，身體像要化在雨中，融成空絕，才罕有地主動致電周立沖，與他見面。然後，躲到室內，看雨落啊落。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7ZpmjoFJM
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pP25O5yM7
溫溫馨馨地度過了一些似乎沒有意義的時光後，周立沖親吻林蓁，然後帶她煮飯。主要是他掌杓，她在旁邊遞遞食材、洗洗碗。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4W56ajz8o
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNfTP2dJt7
「鍾意你。」他說。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzc5dSZTfSE
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBmJueoVZn
「我都係。」她應。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXky8c8Ncz
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlI9jrzxzo4
誰都不知當中有幾分是真。她將大部分心神放在眼前的晚餐上。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJuqGGu5sbu
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgVIt6DTXY
只有食物是安全的，吃進口裡，質感、味道，作不了假，落入胃的飽腹感始終沉實，像一個裝滿了石頭的麻袋墮入水中，本來怎樣空虛也好，最後還是落地，暫停無止境的飄游。只要不怕窒息，一時安心總是重要的。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVo7JkFfGm
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8Lfk264n9
「好唔好食啊？有無太鹹？」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhaMAJYDtN
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz51m6JBuEX
「好好食，咩都啱啱好！」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI2gkz2abX
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzFtSXtlws
「A小姐都好鍾意食海鮮炒飯，之前同佢出面食，一眼就揀中。」他忍不住提起前度。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYJNZWtMWb
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1nbc9nnVz
「你煮得有餐廳水平嘅。」她笑。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqqZyGbm86
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DJYrqlyn5
二人過後做愛、入睡。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UbVlAbcqr
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pkK2Mtheh
林蓁沒有告知輔導員，和周立沖現在的關係，她只是說有一個喜歡的人，但不能一起。她怕被批判。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡri88z6ahow
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnRD5FmVu1
與前度再遇，又沒有建立承諾，無名無分，但有肉體上的交纏，這是不道德的關係，也罷；最怕是被人知道，自己愛而不得，迂迴地留在喜歡的人身邊，壓下所有嫉妒、佔有、迷惘，漸漸，也不知目的。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMGA1s64zj
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OY9DotAo5
她難以忍受被人以輕蔑眼神看待，這令她想起父親。所以，每次談到現在，她也無法披露和周立沖的後續故事。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9HLqJTKSS
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQ1pcNHHus
即使，她會在心裡一句句「唔係好女仔」地罵自己，還是，無法讓身邊的人知道。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkovToQ6cs
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDBvd4xGmq
無論經過怎樣的情感掙扎及理性思考——661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GWuq39vsV
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCKuP9uHjr
哎吔，佢真心鍾意你就唔會捨得你唔開心。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc731B7HYYb
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbU2M1SyT7m
哎吔，你到底想唔想要幸福？再同佢過落去真係對未來有幫助咩？661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIiz1XlVsH
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX42kO51PMe
哎吔，你有無必要委屈自己屈埋咁多嘢呢？661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uTPvejmFV
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqPOicBTlw
哎吔，佢個心喺人哋度，同你共對，連佢見到嘅係咪你都唔肯定、唔敢問。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBoKiSTb6c
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNV29XgdeA
哎吔，你想要人陪，定係要佢陪？661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKY6OPKYSe
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuzmfEPbEn
她糊糊塗塗。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1Pvnb1Mjf
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSfTac9KBr
總之，她繼續與周立沖交纏。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJfLCUJivy
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9dRnDwt1L
最怕空虛。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8T0z5iQ1rQ
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9xSFZZB7B
/661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41pmmBEFqR
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCbEpIv3HE
兩天後，林蓁與輔導員見面。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBm1ks0wMrI
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLcSMNcrw3
輔導員頭髮長長，笑容極具感染力，整齊雪白的上排牙教人也想跟住笑，像一種熱情的邀約。或出於本能，或出於禮貌，林蓁變得熱情，一來就講講講，不斷敍述。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyiicMKcWW
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqis6sHHDn
她唸心理學，也讀過輔導課程，很快便引入自己的情況，分門別類，強調自己沒有想死，日常「高功能」，生活如常。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQUojQcPK7
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Fe6aw6xbH
「你放鬆啲先，放低腦裡面好多好多嘅事，我哋逐樣逐樣，仔細少少咁講。」這次，輔導員沒有笑。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDel2kLjpk8
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wNfhTwgDg
「好。」林蓁也跟著嚴肅。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLIOqNRzyr
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFVrkMorV5
發現自己「有啲唔對路」，是一向自詡記性甚好的她，常常忘記發生過的事，在聽別人說話時，無法專心。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zsRihydlT
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWWh5CZc5l
她在兼職送外賣時失神，回神發現自己竟越行越遠，凍檸茶的冰一早融化。她不禁慶幸並無將飲料倒瀉。還有，令她後知後覺的害怕是，時時忘記為什麼來到正身處之地，一刻清醒，完全無法辨認身在何方，沒有任何步行的記憶。最初，她還戲想，難道自己有了超能力、懂得瞬間轉移？但是她突然醒來的茫然和被路人碰撞的肉體，只讓她肯定：不是！不是！哪種神奇力量會只得危害生命的後果呢。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfi9EXGOqz
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vErRQIWEx
她不過在日常之中夢遊。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICnFXnB9PP
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkdS8fbLDW
「幾時開始呢？」輔導員問。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3BvgoBlXB
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXupxvMcnvt
「上年12月開始。」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZdPnuHiGb
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVOKhlLUnh
「頻率係？」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡya9irq3vcp
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5Tb0ACDqH
「幾日一次？我都唔肯定。」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTylKLPN9aN
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjNqKIR25W
「呢個係其中一個你嚟呢度嘅原因？」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cl5mzIjHt
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qmki4lmag
「可以咁講，我唔想死住嘛。但最主要都係失眠。」林蓁又笑。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1rQKJhAHY
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bBLYedpZZ
她不是刻意裝出這個嘴角的弧度，只是習慣。相比起讓輔導員覺得她很嚴重、要死了要死了，她寧願真誠地擺出一個「其實我真的還好」的樣子。內心深處，她還是希望輔導中心理一理她，但又不要將太多資源放在她身上。明明，她有半年多時間「夢遊」，此前也常常覺得生活無望——661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUHoWWzrFs
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHIRsNcpcr
喂，但活來活去都未死！扮咩抑鬱啫，真係有事就快啲自殺啦。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKYsL8lHwb
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqXA9sCPkl
——其實你講嚟講去，都係呢啲。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡruiO9uuY4H
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64l7pLj9Tl
——如果真係咁辛苦，不如試吓踏出第一步改變？661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8BqlrFTLN
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2p946lKWH
恍神間，她想起舊時的自己，時時擔當聆聽者給予他們安慰，也許是生性沉靜、守口如瓶之故，所以，她總可以收集許多秘密和心事。或許擅長安慰別人的人，不是陽光、樂觀、積極，正正是可以共情一些負能量，才可給予易地而處的回應。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdXx5SqfkE
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0Cs1HjJ0I
然而，可能是形象予人的印象太深刻，當她後來主動談起自己，除了第一次別人比較好奇和關心，以後，誰都無法適應。人與人之間的角色，沒有那麼流通，稍一不慎便失序，亂成一團。她用同一雙傾聽心事的耳朵，接收朋友叫她「唔好再無啦啦唔開心啦」。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBth4cgsHH
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLJF8yJcRc
——你到底唔開心緊啲咩呢？661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCZgn5c6nx
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9whq2vWjZI
——過去嘅事，都係要睇開啲㗎啦。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywEX0NjtAy
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLOwTvpjCN
認識一個人，和他說過去、現在、未來，這些那些時空的自己，若要以言語裝載，又不知落點何在。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs3D2Rsq3y
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ51LNjLthg
後來她說出口，由於不開心的事——最令她不開心的事，其實也是那些，然而，從聆聽角度上，也許太沒有新鮮感，因此不夠吸引。她已經嘗試，怎樣為那些在她心上植根多年的舊枝葉，多加兩朵花。譬如，在說她失去舊愛人時，則會提起「今天出門時，見到他」。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIdybGQDHE
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MxCD1baXQ
連傾訴都不真誠。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5jvNvkKyH
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5hMoUGNmo
不開心又不去死。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKuStrIcfB
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78YKRaxfLg
不去死又不改變。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TkQBE1Olo
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDX3wYSQfh
林蓁語詞混亂地將以上說了一通，又補充：661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLlqMxuwta
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIbewYnMoq
「但佢哋其實係我朋友，都對我唔錯……唔係真係唔鍾意我，只係唔覺得我覺得唔開心嘅事，真係值得唔開心，或者，唔開心咁耐。佢哋會認真畀意見我，話自己以前都經歷過，嚴重得多，所有嘢都會過去，只要願意。只係我無辦法。」661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHYTATbzBX
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLlyezs129
無辦法。她無辦法以快樂回報朋友的關心。661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0rHx9DQNF
661Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdinaxZfdom
and then Add to home screen.