然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqK83ertLK2
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEORMFJoMb8
/298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdStLjIBdJY
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDXpkzMaLQ
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNs6X0aiv2a
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdlXDuXBRe
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEuyPJJ7hx
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFfOerzqgL
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaKlNbDn3m
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJ83dI4Nno
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXkSW5Ab5w
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5Ew2eFzKq
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnP3cHMAJ6r
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxaX0c5d0K
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoCByhJ4jY
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4iglLL5PU
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrGhkbYNiy
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrvLUEke22
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ujdWxoImP
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RSPEy46WH
他心情不好便會打她。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQKW57Gm9V
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6n0Gp7A8w
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCVzSptVcF
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnN0M6NBHt
一下一下打下去。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy13PRbzRD0
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkPDS4U3iS
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyj70wh8n3i
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEi601Hn6yL
「我無唔聽話呀！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHcm7qjZ4M
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGbQBxmT51
「仲講大話！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRdlhjam0I
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UO3d4Rwkt
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGJ9mp1BRl
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfk3kIJR3J
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9gLoZUlkV
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn359mcIKf
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rKYyDeKK6
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSLE770KsA
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpM1Xwk2aA5
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT9cNpYg3L
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjd3F4QUl3p
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKWwzZCMkl
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrlB4SQUcT
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK95wn4fWl7
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8APr7esZI
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTUhzpxt0Q
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwXiJcoNU4
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5FZ024kak
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOuJEV6wJJ
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRReeG23nS
/298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRKgv0Lf82
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbrPCG27iM
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB14ZdGGPrO
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs5gkXHRqz
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiusG7zVGe
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosWDDTQubn
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTf2WePVbvY
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrXsCqQx5c
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZmgu6cb4n
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtBCfiiVdD
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsjnG1HfCb
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxdLPYUGkZ
「熊仔去咗邊？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXC6VwY7fB
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONbULSzwLH
「我抌咗。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKT0awO0Rv
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82wRVZfuAM
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9UzOolGci
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63PU9Y8hNu
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvSHVOoZCU
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7As8igt53T
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfa2gxOt7xf
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9MX8yHspj
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTRpRQKnJa
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ODjF6ydjP
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFeltyQeCi
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XwbTgNKo7
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGEn3iZVsf
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkaqHcoBXy
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4iy1mueiL
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyb4Z5W5k0s
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzumH54MjFt
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpRL3SjnD4
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFyCFInggr
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwpuwMNsS2
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqD0uPu6mW
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQf2VYEsuwy
/298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1C9Y2duEp3
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbWKyMvdlz
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyiZwstu6Q
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUreYAR9TWT
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pzatgeqFG
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzkjmVsA7R
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Js9aFwKwl
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38dDrII1Aq
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyjpHDRlsL
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYXkjQRGCa
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnT2loL75CP
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt2MCojjqR
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjJqK1EF1w
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZmIyDmj6Q
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjALcfxdOah
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xK3Jl4wvT
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqevImHpAU
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRjgF3tiNc
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByNVVcuEcZ
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fgvfYplTg
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPHvmganmJ
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbP9KWOGfJc
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPKRgctTug
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCe7S6SZUFl
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7OpyvTbg9
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfTqMa1NmQ
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYpyRhP90N
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6nBM6nXEX
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjvyn7Tkr0
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMag9jKQNs
直至父親又打家姐。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsv8gt4rPbs
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SZjLTZPbc
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYc1xTOikN
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsrtaiN0Vf
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8Qns3tavd
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tIFpfzkgt
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrxKRXSbeA
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjsIRHV3wG
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fBADNtGWc
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFIFgbvUMC
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamRaTMfdx0
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXdNNHKbEb
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT24c0wJwyj
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBEtjyWv7D
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpszlNgwVLG
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCWiVhmzWZ
「我無！」家姐搖頭。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuK81iqpB4C
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMTkitHoV6
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pZx6QuteE
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmPg4VpNwb
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee5rzP2bQS
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQfmQv9SKU
「多謝阿爸。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXIpei42kP
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRjQCqIEGt
家姐推了林蓁落地。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7HvQGpzVz
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLB6VMaYGE
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFK9lBWQRc
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBb4XC3Bvp
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXw0x2vqglf
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4u5wF7mqg
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Zu6ropwTL
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0B56IF5L40
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu2nlBPZKS
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqi9vZqPbz
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5baxL6AV3g
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxN7kAh5Ld
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFOKrHSdoZ
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCG3EIUM2f
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298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzwODQQhsB
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF9LCPKvfT
298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJFUzIxbEa
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。298Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxPh4jkOVy
然後按「加至主畫面」