然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpWmQnIFC6
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglfYYtYQiV
/328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbgBkcBI3K
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85uI6Up9Zl
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JJELdpfGn
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7hqO95T3Y
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpADcKh4Mw
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqRumXPdHZ
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSw3eCMOla
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqba4UYWnfc
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdpuS9OWZE
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VrE3ZwZFo
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxUSVgYU0L
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNmpqJubr4
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAinZDUDxuV
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAUdgothji
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQKYV6QHcZ
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tH4vxfqZ8
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwhMEYpXps
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoiLKA38gMZ
他心情不好便會打她。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TVd9wb53s
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4atFhMuHlE
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRuxH7lLig
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UZMIpGnqf
一下一下打下去。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQG0aa5JPu
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVjfbtq5sz
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtptqJc7TNm
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaJnrcjd9Q
「我無唔聽話呀！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBclMir6vS0
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZd5IKAKykb
「仲講大話！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdoScgVdWX4
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwOMRR50Db
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmARO6q5vAH
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡao5TWYWjMg
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSK3EzexqM
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaefJZ4FwCk
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRYA5g0GN3
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBus8DTwpw
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWjfYEqEKM
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPEWcijyft
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TsK59xyCW
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgKMzMsSxV
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtesLE5QDVs
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqgntZp17r
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3IENJpo0U
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQJMZygeHb
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutNovMqC0x
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tvGLj3VYo
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpsz4CGpgP
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWCIP8Uh6p
/328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgSoKGOQKQ
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcC3FgRfvU
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBuQjoOexx
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bAtck7EPo
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGg3Jb7kAa
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6WpOkfa9Q
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4pcPefXQK
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnG995Lm3S
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCCXu1fWvl
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuHGDmsaNH
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4qCRMdJHL
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jkJVtpUv7
「熊仔去咗邊？」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccBdL7eSKo
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoqn4vG9Rh
「我抌咗。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iz3Px08Ow
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssmtkko9Go
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhv0tUJtvQ
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qfT5zjUYp
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ465kRvjlwW
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4s2iq9dbG
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4MhTxKRNh
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyYlZOpI0N
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFU1lNUNCnk
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2GgW2oMUS
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKErmSBsexu
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHfNcyVU7Z
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofyZemBPW9
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwYfHD5giU
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2WKdkuF2H
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6C7IZt3fNz
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9RULkOKVC
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmFjeB0OQW
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHtZayGxw8
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ThvyPLPra
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMfv4kKyCT
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdNear3yDT
/328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTLLwidH9H
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgLOgp825Z
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJot5mDciMk
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdD8W5sjBI4
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXANO1l13wP
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsV22YN6yO
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡse9bqfLjUW
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rUHGn1qtP
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuZYfvkEAC
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf0qyWwjFi
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwexn5i1s8e
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQjtLlk0LJ
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnZiR7xIAM
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSUGuDpj69
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xrPXwWIcA
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hPbeoBdE3
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblYU0XDx6Z
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdX3LnLxEGZ
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgFWrxgkOZ
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBFMjKUVFD
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvArFKT3I9
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMig3QNF1Hd
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvcTgW8KEO
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbvD612GkX
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZn8s1KUxJ
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS8feVsets
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrwq22KSTC
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM9EBRp8Ut
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8g14U139X
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX52191FXy9
直至父親又打家姐。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWil6Ip1vv
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNdBc6lKK5
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFWNOtv3cX
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPinMmImzx
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXxbACVcKf
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K3fyDAcZV
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wN6dIETcH
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPITlrMTRSn
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S0Q40xWxF
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdedfdO9qUL
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUxOVdaeAB
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EAS7H5MU5
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡac5wD2LSXd
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiKgburRjE
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhAip3OT73
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwQJuaei7J
「我無！」家姐搖頭。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMgjjeE5En
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfrGmapI7L
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSladEIFQD
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqWgtYG0wl
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmhP8snXZE
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUJvjT2D2l
「多謝阿爸。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSbYLuYokO
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vedaI6r4Y
家姐推了林蓁落地。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qbfjzstWL
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9G2yLxe3ZI
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Cidr2h4hf
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYf6579xYQQ
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJEP3wYfIa
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFbQN7W4r3
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj72wFOSsii
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQV7E3JKyz1
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoM1g4wetG
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMiimwoeiI
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhU8NcvxKx
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6OBM8XckT
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFTT72iEuU
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWXys2rG1C
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328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfioA1laKT
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NPY6b9tyj
328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcm5G0CnvO
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。328Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1N0A3LxgYu
然後按「加至主畫面」