I'm trying to stop. I really am. It's just so hard to forget about him when everyone around you reminds you of him. They think I'm behind it.
Christmas wasn't as merry as I would've liked. I couldn't stop thinking about him. After the break, I went back to school and news, I wasn't even aware of, spread like wildfire through the many walls of my High School. And of course with news come rumors. With rumors come dirty looks, and at some point you might even lose friends. I lost my best friend to them. All because they think I'm behind it, behind his passing.
The rest of my junior year was horrible. I hoped each day would pass by faster than its previous one yet each day I came back home and cried my eyes out. Being hated at school would've been fine if he was by my side but even he was gone. I felt all alone for months.
I managed (thankfully) to get past 11th grade. I expected my senior year to redeem my social status or that the rumors would just be replaced by a new wave of drama. Let's just say it was a naïve thought. I was still disliked around school. Some teachers were just pitying me while others barely paid attention to me. The rumor that I had done something to him had died down a bit since the last month of school in junior year. I finally thought I had overcome a mountain. Once again, that was a naïve thought.
At the end of the first month of senior year, Ayman brought back the subject. You don't remember Ayman Ali ? A 1,86m tall teen, with brown wavy hair and a middle part ? That's the best physical description I can give you. I haven't held my head up in a while so the description might be outdated.
Ayman brought back his passing and then the school even organized an assembly in the gymnasium for it. I wish I could've skipped it. It wasn't even about me but I could feel everyone's eyes on me when the principal was talking. I was a target at my school.
" I feel, like, very grateful to see my whole school, like, here to remember Santiago Terronez." began Ayman, speaking into a microphone. He was standing on a podium besides our principal, and other teachers. " Tiago was, like, my best friend and I feel like there's not one day that, like, passes by when I don't, like, think about him. Like, I just miss my homie so much, like, it was so unexpected. I-" He covered his mouth with his fist. "Shit. I can't continue..." A wave of awes submerged from the crowd. Some girls even began to cry.
"No Ayman, don't cry~" shouted one girl in the crowd. More whines were heard around me. I knew Ayman was acting. He never cared that deeply about Tiago.
"If you cry, I'll cry~" said another one of Ayman's fans. My fingers curled up into a fist the longer I stared at this act. Ayman moved aside and another girl replaced him. That girl was none other than Britney Coleman. I don't think you can forget her but anyways, Britney is 170cm (5'7 ft) tall, has a high nose bridge, a perfectly symmetrical face with small blue eyes, long blond straight hair and a small face with defined jawline. As she stood in front of the microphone, head down, she began to cry.
"I didn't really have friends at my old school... I was constantly bullied so coming to this school, I was expecting the same treatment..."
"We love you Britney !" shouted a student. She looked up, sniffing and wiping her invisible tears away.
"I love you guys too~" she said and another wave of awes submerged from the crowd. " I had so much trauma from my other school but thanks to Santi, I was able to forget about it. I miss him so much~. Santiago, if you can hear me, wherever you are, I just want to say that I love you so much~ I miss our late night calls, your beautiful smile... I just miss you but I know you wouldn't want me to be sad so I'll move on for you. I'll forever love you." The whole crowd applauded her as she made her way next to Ayman. He gave her a tight hug and they stood side by side, his arm around her neck and her arm around his waist.
A third student walked to the microphone. My head had always been hanging low since last year. It was actually the first time in months that I had really seen her face. " Santiago," Esmae-Rose began to speak. "Had always been, like, a great friend to me. I never, like, really had, like, many real friends growing up but, like, Santiago was a real one. Letting him be with his last girlfriend is, like, one of my biggest regrets." She continued.
My eyes began to shake as I slowly sunk into my seat. The people around me began mumbling to each other, sourly glancing at me. I left my seat and hurried down the bleachers to the door. A teacher was standing by it.
"Please let me go to the bathroom." I begged.
"You should've gone before." She said. I could see students leaving through the other gym door. The teacher saw me looking. "Get back to your seat."
"I know she wants to, like, leave right now," Esmae's voice came back into my ears. " But, after what she's done, it'd be unfair to Santi. Don't you think so ?" I turned around and our eyes met. The students up the bleachers tried looking down and those I was beside, were eyeing me. I started to feel tingles in my eyes and gradually my vision became blurry.
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