『孤獨死去』
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我很怕
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我真的很怕
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若然自己孤獨死去的話
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有時創傷後遺症發作,我會想起之前的事情,活在那個地方的記憶,任人魚肉的日子
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雄性的氣息,叫不停的痛感,野獸的人類,被當作物品一樣,被搶來搶去,要把自己的四肢撕裂
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我在想
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如果那天姐姐沒有回來救我,他們是不是便會把所有怒火發洩在我身上,而不是她身上
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我在想
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姐姐那時候的經歷,不就是孤獨死嗎?我只能縮在牆角,聽住她被啃咬的叫痛,她孤零零一人,面對比死更難受的情景
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只是她好運
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我們幸運罷,那場停電救了我們,那場戰爭救了我們
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松井組的行動救了我們,至少對救命恩人為奴,也比⋯像地底泥般對待,遭凌辱至死的命運好
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我還活著
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所以足夠了
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我還在這
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所以足夠了
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然而口說的「足夠」不代表「滿足」,有些事,我寧願不發生,儘管如此,不是「想」,就會改變的世界,我無力反抗
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不過如果我的命運真的是這樣,我也束手無策吧⋯
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哈哈⋯
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