I recently wrote this for a contest titled "New Story" it might not be haha funny to everyone but I'm sure you can at least get a little kick out of it. Also this poor man becomes so broken.
Diary Entry #45
23. 8. 22
Supposedly what I have learned is that from my many years of reading story books is that pretty people get nice things under the guise of "being a good person". On the other hand the non attractive individuals become the villains who eventually die in the end because of their ugly corrupted heart. However no one ever gave a second thought to stop and maybe ask why they have an ugly corrupted heart, even though it's very clearly the fault of society who is constantly shunning the non attractive individuals. That aside I'm sure you didn't just come here for this.
You are most likely very well acquainted with the commonly used true I just listed in my previous paragraph considering my only audience will hopefully always be me. The villain or villainess is always supposed to die, or at least suffer some brutal punishment at the hands of the system. So tell me why is it that I terrorize the locals by killing their cattle, burning their crops and kidnapping their children for random but only get a slap on the wrist and get to live the rest of my life out normally, this is simply idiotic. At the very least the could be consistent.
I suppose that since I'm a free man I can spend the rest of my life as please but maaaaan, after all those years of scheming it's so underwhelming. I wanted that perfect rush that comes from, unless.... Oh yes that is devilishly delightful idea..... It's perfect.
Diary Entry #46
I digress, unfortunately my plan that was completely flawless last night I swear has managed to magically fail me. What a pity that not only did it fail but managed to rub salt, lemon juice, sand and, and.... human excretion into the wound. There was no possible way that I could have calculated such a thing happening.
I was looking to cause some trouble among the locals.by mugging this guy right? Right. This guy was y'know bad, not just a little bad but very bad, I mean a murderer. So I basically accidentally handcuffed a public nuisance and brought him to the palace being honored with the title of a hero. Which may or may not have been my final goal no one actually needs to know right? Right.
Anyways I will state clearly that for my next plan I hope to soil that reputation I have accidentally or not accidentally accumulated for my own well being and sanity. So hopefully the king will massacre my life because I was such a good villain, as I wanted him to do in the first place. There's been drought going on it been quite dry, it's perfect!
Diary Entry #47
So I summoned a dragon, he's my permanent companion now so I think that that's pretty awesome, right? Right, it has to be right?. That's all you need to know. Oh wait, you actually want to hear about my whole plan to sabotage the crops and how it actually went. Well I'd be glad to but..... but- okay maybe I don't actually have a good excuse, so fine just this once. Even though I really did not want to talk you kept prying, you jerk.
So I thought, 'hey take advantage of the fact that everything is flammable with a super awesome dragon' it made sense in my head. I know for sure that the scroll I took out to summon the dragon was the European version. Yet somehow the Asian dragon of good crops or whatever it was spawned from the pits of wherever they come from. So I accidentally, well you know fixed their drought problems. Listen I didn't want to it's the libraries fault they didn't label their dragon scroll right, right? Right.
Even the scroll was laughing at me, I decided to study it further reading the small inscription on the back, 'only a brave hero can successfully summon this ancient harvest dragon'
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse the king announced that due to recent events a new qualifier (a.k.a me) has joined the competition for the kingdom's *Noble* Peace Prize. I know what will put an end to all of this, I know it for sure it's so incredibly simple, ruin the little ceremony.
Diary Entry #48
28. 9. 22
Hello, I am writing this from what I believe is the rubble of the ceremony hall, all the time got mixed up in the confusion so no one know what parts of the castle they are laying on. I tried so hard but I announce officially that I give up. Shut up, I see that little smirk on your face and I can hear all of your thoughts because you're probably me.
I would keep trying but the events that have happened over the past few days are so impossible. There's no way this could happen unless some divine force is preventing me from turning to my old life of villainy. I don't know who but someone up there is telling I have to be a good law abiding citizen, and there's no escape from this torture otherwise.
This time you don't have to pry I will tell you exactly what happened.
Sooooo, here's the basic idea for you. I was at the award ceremony as I had been invited and was bored whole listening to the king's extremely boring hour long address, everyone was falling asleep, right, right? Right. So it would be easy to sneak away to the king's secret archives and grab some more fancy food on the way, right, right? It seems perfect right? Right? Right. So with several truffles in hand I made my way there.
I was planning on destroying all his important files, y'know a little bit of an underhanded don't ever underestimate me again in my evilness. How was I supposed to know that the king was really stealing money from the nobles whom he promised he would protect? How was I supposed to know that the king was extremely corrupt and planning to destroy the homes of the citizens?! Right! You're right! There was no way right? Right?
The king's entire entourage dressed in their fancy noble clothing followed me, right? Right! I thought this was finally going to be my chance right? Right! I pleaded guilty, right? An abomination, right? An evil sadistic villain, right? That's who I'm supposed to be, right? Right?! Right?!
However those idiotic nobles already had their noses deep in the documents exposing all of the king's scandals. At first they were confused right? Then angry, so they retrogressed into a rioting mob. Sending the castle into chaos as they held the king captive in prison. Eventually the word got out to the other peasants and there commenced the storming of Versailles 2.0 right? Right. In fact the peasants managed to tear the castle down brick by brick and the nobles weren't going to defend the king.
After the king was forever locked up forever and now there's talk of declaring me the courageous founding father of a new nation right? No not right, how? I did nothing but watch as one thing led to the next and mud hit the fan and the collateral damage splattered everywhere.
When I said I wanted to continue villainy this is not what I had in mind, I did not plan on becoming a leader of new nation, right?! Because who in their right minds would? So now I give up, take me side of light. This is the end of the life I lived as a villain.
(And so the new kingdom thrived and our hero (though reluctant in accepting that title) went insane shortly after haunted by all his failed attempts. Despite that he still was a strong and excellent ruler for seventy years. They all lived happily ever after the end)
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