真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第五十五章之五

「爸爸要同媽咪離婚，搞到我媽咪好想自殺！有次我上緊堂，媽咪打嚟話『我要去旅行啦，我有排都唔會返！』我好驚呀！我即刻請事假返去陪佢！」Miss哭訴著說：「但冇用。我救到佢個人，但一陪佢，佢就將所有問題發洩晒落我身上！將我離家呢五年嘅憤怒，不斷發洩！又打我，又鬧我！我⋯⋯我⋯⋯我⋯⋯我都好想死呀！嗚⋯⋯！而家諗返起，屋企搞到咁，我的確係有責任。係我放棄呢頭家在先⋯⋯」

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我只懂得輕撫安慰，佢之前講得啱，佢嘅問題，我真係冇可能解決到。難怪佢之前真係唔想我講太多。

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「我唔敢返去同媽咪住。我最多只可以請菲傭睇住佢。梓康今年先中六，我唔指望佢可以照顧媽咪。但梓桓今年已經21歲啦！佢去到今日都仲唔識負責任！佢仲要喺出搞事！借咗大耳窿錢！」Miss既悲又憤：「我要佢負返少少責任，但梓桓鬧返我轉頭，問我呢五年去咗邊？然後佢就掉低咗媽咪。到佢爭人錢時先識得叫我做『家姐』向我求救『家姐救命呀！再唔還錢我會比人斬死架！』！」

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「盈盈⋯⋯夠啦⋯⋯唔需要再講，我知道晒⋯⋯我為你心痛⋯⋯」

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「我上星期厚住面皮去搵我爸爸⋯⋯我唔得啦，我需要搵人幫忙！我只係一位剛剛做嘢未夠一年嘅老師，我人工三萬幾蚊一個月，我仲要係合約教師咋！我點支撐落去呀？我求爸爸救我地一家人⋯⋯佢⋯⋯佢話梓桓條數最多幫佢填少少。之後嘅嘢叫我自己搞掂佢，因為佢話——」

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「『你要負返呢五年嘅責任』！」

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「佢⋯⋯佢痴線架！將所有責任推晒比你？！佢先係爸爸喎！」我替Miss感到悲憤！

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「佢唔係我爸爸！由我離家出走，個家散晒開始！我爸爸對呢個屋企死心！佢覺得出面嗰個女人先可以實現到佢想要嘅嘢！佢去到今日先同媽咪離婚，仲要留埋層樓比我媽咪，已經係仁至義盡！佢覺得對我地再冇任何責任！」Miss喊到收唔到聲，然後連聲自責：「我係有責任⋯⋯因為我真係掉低咗屋企人、掉低咗梓康、掉低咗個爛攤子要媽咪一個人頂！」

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我抱住Miss，不斷搖頭，努力說服佢：「頭家搞到咁，如果將個責任推晒比你實在太過份！你唔好自責，你教我架嘛，不如諗下點做好佢仲好啦。」

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點知我呢句唔只氹唔到佢，仲搞到Miss情緒爆得更勁：「係呀，我係咁樣教你。但其實我自己做唔到！同我爸爸一樣，我只係講一套做套！我真係好冇用⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯低B仔⋯⋯我好冇用啊！」

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我任由Miss喊，盡情喊，我無助地抱住佢，陪住佢。不知不覺間，佢喊到攰晒，漸漸喺我懷中瞓著。

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Miss嘅成長打晒入我個心，一幕幕影像以夢嘅形式出現喺我眼前。使我可以親歷其境咁感受Miss嘅悲慘成長。當我醒返時，發現自己眼角滲淚。我呢串淚水唔只係因為可憐Miss，更因為我嘅無能。

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身為男朋友，我究竟可以點做？

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阿偉呀⋯⋯幫幫手，你兄弟我好需要你幫忙呀！

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「嗯⋯⋯嗯⋯⋯」喺我心口瞓緊嘅Miss郁動身體，再打咗個呵欠，就微微張眼，好似貓貓咁望住我。

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「醒啦？」我幫佢抹眼角啲淚水，個傻女連瞓著都夢到最慘嘅事。

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「盈盈⋯⋯」

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「嗯？」

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「Sorry。」

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「做咩講Sorry呀，低B。」

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「我之前太幼稚，喺你最痛時，我仲發你脾氣。我終於明白點解你想同我冷靜一下⋯⋯我真係——哎呀！」

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Miss忽然大大力咬我手臂一啖，然後又繼續好似細路女咁抱住我。佢咬我算係教訓咗我之前喺大家冷靜期時嘅幼稚。

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「你話一覺瞓醒啲問題冇晒幾好呢？」Miss情緒平復返，佢瞄我一眼就話：「唔好諗啦。你唔會搞得掂架。我都搞唔掂呀。」

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「唔好諗⋯⋯唔好諗⋯⋯啊！！！」

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Miss被我嘅突然大叫嚇到彈起身，打咗我一下就鬧我：「你傻架！突然之間喺度叫！嚇死人咩！」

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「阿偉啊！」我興奮咁捉住Miss雙手，叫道：「阿偉真係神嚟架！」

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「做咩！關阿偉咩事呀？」

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「唔好諗自己冇嘅嘢！」

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「吓？！」

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「『唔好諗自己冇嘅嘢，要諗自己有嘅嘢！』」

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「你⋯⋯你講緊咩呀低B仔。」Miss一面苦笑咁講。

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「呢句說話阿偉教我架！盈盈⋯⋯」我連忙咁錫佢手背，我開心到好多似已經搵到解決方法，笑住講：「係呀，我冇錢幫你細佬還錢架啦！你媽咪有情緒病，我都冇可能醫架！反正無論點，我都係冇方法實際咁幫你架啦！我諗嚟冇用架嘛！我梗係『唔好諗自己冇嘅嘢』啦！但我有嘅嘢係⋯⋯有嘅嘢係⋯⋯」

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「我有嘅係時間！我有嘅係耐性！因為我愛你，我唔介意付出時間同耐性！總之——！」

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我好用力攬住佢：「總之！盈盈，你唔係一個人架！你比我陪你呀！就算我做唔到啲咩！我喺你旁邊望住都得架！總之你比我陪你呀！你唔係自己一個人架！！」

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Miss個身體忽然抖動一下，佢喺我耳邊輕輕講一句，哽咽卻又笑住講：「『唔好諗自己冇嘅嘢，要諗自己有嘅嘢』嗯，我好似都諗通啦——」

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「我一直都擁有嘅——係你。」

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我倆四目交投，彼此流緊淚。但此時嘅淚水卻唔係幾個鐘前充滿絕望同悲傷，而係希望。

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至少，盈盈願意比我同佢一齊面對佢嘅困難。我可以幫到嘅，就係令佢堅強支撐落去。

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盈盈破涕為笑，我忍唔住，正想親吻佢嘴唇。盈盈即刻用手抵住我片唇，邊笑邊鬧咁講：「我病緊呀！低B！」

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我搖一搖頭，拎開佢隻手時，就深深咁親吻我呢世仔最愛、最想守護嘅人——黃梓盈。

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嗯，我都諗通咗。我的確欠咗蟲蟲，搞到佢喺我生命中離開。但一切返唔到轉頭，我再內疚都冇用。眼前嘅人先係我要守護嘅人，先係同我一齊成長嘅人——我一定要好好珍惜盈盈！

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