"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx94PsmUJ5w
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnSRpwwMaN
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSZVxMwmu8
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HGeU8xV1W
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtAdsAV3hQ
it’s a mood.
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDSxXHqoaR
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHqS3xkdBZ
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUugfJlNPdE
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLdsNBhpKp
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs3hFFVZHr
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseuVrSqLwE
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40wrmN3W6c
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYO3dkqoez
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV18QDfC9T1
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaqqS3byNM
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsohEl7HZc
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37JUMRxtLT
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWemW16dhpC
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4eYi7lRcm
i have goosebumps.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8I5PZjoGCj
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VSnseR6yB
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1At9kb5Mb
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0z0lbw2jv3
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFskAiPeME
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWdMMMUJBD
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZkhEI9wpK
you passed the vibe check.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqC5Oa1HQc
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyINFtPidm
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMCtDEBAsi
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuESpmhUX5x
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7Swp8GCSL
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYb6EoWHTPx
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HKzf4Rbkg
i did cry.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3KnYNvT3d
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOcn6SjUh5
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxbMD0sLWO
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILwhyVUr1e
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsC7Nxev8VB
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKbaQjp345
To: [email protected]248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9d321vbkJ1
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkUjUDd5hC
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBeKIkbegD
together we’re like...248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZ3zi2Bddn
the emotional avengers.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFDo1hSzKr
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRrBgKQYuw
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbDFqbfZst
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BvkHA7ho9
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeG0Fdl8j1W
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEAjl7j8KS
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbT6tXvZMCd
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9WGF5KZcK
screamed into a spoon. felt better.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCU9mecbOd7
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux5IVyCp5P
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwHsQfUhij
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWi7wCWhxMo
the rain cried for me.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSaDcqElUZ
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HZ2z9Vu6u
i do not condone murder. but i understand.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrLFhHeFlO
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJoBttS2NV
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsstcByhwG0
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2MIoGGm8G
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5visaUCZH
officially unwell in a poetic way
and then Add to home screen.