[bgm music to read to]
189Please respect copyright.PENANAwE8ccDcFt7
"I don't remember myself being this pathetic before...189Please respect copyright.PENANA9a9z4KaL0P
I have no motivation left to try, I don't have any patience left in me...189Please respect copyright.PENANATCQbkbAemM
I feel like I'm becoming more and more useless each day.189Please respect copyright.PENANAcDblsJt1xA
And I know that i don't even try, but I get so anxious when I think about exams..."189Please respect copyright.PENANA0ahFsFztGY
189Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6c4ri0gXP
"I'm scared of being left behind... forever."189Please respect copyright.PENANAtzF9VdhKfg
189Please respect copyright.PENANAhfi2i6uCNg
"I'm scared that I might give up on myself."
Have I already given up on myself?
"It's rough, it's lonely... and I don't see a way out."
"Time waits for no one."
"I don't have the willpower to change, and I'm a master at justifying myself." 189Please respect copyright.PENANAhhTCKvj3YC
189Please respect copyright.PENANADOzUGmGrhs
But...189Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ox0h1E9ly
189Please respect copyright.PENANAYfLJuxpeSa
"We all have our ups and downs. We're human. It's incredibly hard to be consistent, since we're not machines (ISTJs go brrrr though). As long as we think, we'll keep on making excuses for ourselves... and that's normal. Everyone does it. 189Please respect copyright.PENANAphOVzb7uFp
At the end of the day, you're worrying and thinking about your own future. 189Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZMHWCOKi1
A person who thinks about changes, and is willing to change...189Please respect copyright.PENANAVfTV79BaJI
Is absolutely not pathetic.189Please respect copyright.PENANABl0bRVvbG5
You're not garbage."189Please respect copyright.PENANAAxmbSln8Ik
189Please respect copyright.PENANADXQNAEnmxk
"Being strong enough to get up and fight every day is a special talent. You never know, there might be someone very close to you doing it... just for you."
I know I don't work very hard, but I hate being told that more than almost everything. I hate it when my parents remind me that I've done nothing. I hate it when they tell me to do work. Stupid, isn't it?
I once told my parents that I would continue to feel inferior, worthless and unsuccessful if I don't make a decent salary in a few years. You know what they said?189Please respect copyright.PENANAiZw3IHRW5C
"It's okay. You don't need to make money. You can live under our our roof forever."189Please respect copyright.PENANApQojkE8dAz
189Please respect copyright.PENANAQsZuqLuVc9
I don't want that though. Despite everything, I want to live by my own efforts. I'm a mess, yet I don't want anyone's help. I mean, I can ask for help when I need it, but...189Please respect copyright.PENANAnIOOogc5nR
189Please respect copyright.PENANASL4GsAWRVf
Sorry, mum. Nothing's working out for you huh?189Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9T4BqRFy7
You wasted all your money on all the sports, instruments, tutoring lessons on your son. 189Please respect copyright.PENANAFcihmLpAyI
Your son didn’t meet all your expectations.189Please respect copyright.PENANABNbuj0UXKx
Your son doesn't want to get married.189Please respect copyright.PENANAp4d2sr8Wy5
Your son might just end up a broke loser on the street.189Please respect copyright.PENANAr7BDF35Ald
189Please respect copyright.PENANAhWR98WxCHD
You know, you paid thousands of dollars for my overnight contact lenses, only for me to be too lazy to wear it.189Please respect copyright.PENANAOSkUD1q8qe
You paid another thousand for me to do that Duke of Edinburgh challenge, though I never submitted my report and ended up never getting the certification. I still never told you... to this day.
Sorry, dad. 189Please respect copyright.PENANA8CpBCmifnk
I know I said I'd pay you back for everything you've given to me, but I don't know if I can.
I might just be the worthless child you tried so hard to prevent me being.
Hahaha.
I'm sorry, I'm just a coward, so I just want to run away. Take the easy way out.189Please respect copyright.PENANAYg9j53hFmt
I'm scared of failing, so.
189Please respect copyright.PENANAiw7AKpmPqP
But today, too, I'm still alive. So even though I've accomplished nothing, even when it looks like there's no escape, I'll keep going. I have to keep going. I'll finish my degree. If I get a full-time job, so be it. If I don't, then that's fine. I might regret it. But at the end of the day, I'm alive. No matter how afraid I am for tomorrow, I'll have to face it. The main thing keeping me unhappy... is me.
Thanks for loving me. I'm sorry I can't love you back as of now, or maybe for a long time to come. But maybe one day, I will.189Please respect copyright.PENANAXK7wnGv9T6
189Please respect copyright.PENANAKqfLQ7fasp
Sincerely,189Please respect copyright.PENANAyahJCZva8M
Your son Charlie.189Please respect copyright.PENANAIzzbPNDToP
189Please respect copyright.PENANAiwMCGJvcbp
P.S. Screw you sis /j.189Please respect copyright.PENANAnksFA0opAQ
189Please respect copyright.PENANApIFx2GVjIA
[I remembered the existence of this song midway through writing this]189Please respect copyright.PENANAKDXxvMcReb
... And on a whim, I sent a voice message containing all of this to my parents (it's 3am right now, but my parents are on vacation elsewhere). Saying it out loud is really something, huh.189Please respect copyright.PENANAfkD8VNhGqr
189Please respect copyright.PENANAzEoou0pB6l
My mother just sent me back a hug emoji and "goodnight" as it was the last word of my voice message as well. Not going to lie, I think that's the best thing she's ever said or texted. I wonder if she'll write a long paragraph or send a long voice message back later.