/story/30396/評-悲/issue/1?load=0
評《悲》 - CHAPTER 1 - 髒鬼 | Penana
arrow_back
評《悲》
more_vert
  • info_outline Info
  • toc Table of Contents
  • share Share
  • format_color_text Display Settings
  • exposure_plus_1 Recommend
  • report_problem Report
  • account_circle Login
share bookmark_border file_download
info_outline
format_color_text
toc
comment 3
exposure_plus_1
Search stories, writers or societies
Show More Tags
Continue ReadingClear All
More
What Others Are ReadingRefresh
See more results for ""
X
Never miss what's happening on Penana!
Turn on notifications
Later
評《悲》
ISSUE #1
Author:
評《悲》
Author:
ISSUE #1
CHAPTER 1 - 髒鬼
No Plagiarism!xJKA88Jk0t5xVW6AavJwposted on PＥNAＮＡ

開首，以對話帶出主題 ── 髒鬼，開門見山。

第二句的 「～」 給人感覺稍不正式，且最後的省略號用得不是很高明。

第三句的省略號則完全能帶出其無言的狀態。

第四句的標點符號可以運用得更好。

第五句的 「吶」 給人感覺亦稍不正式。

第六句句末的 「我的心情？」 偏向口語。

最後能做到首尾呼應，並能引人深思。

整體來說，能夠扣緊主題： 「髒鬼」 ，但是未能完全突出其中的悲。

可以改善的地方是：

可以突出欺凌你的人那些醜惡的嘴臉，並將自身感受深化，將個人的悲帶出所有被欺凌者的悲。

完。

216.73.216.179

ns216.73.216.179da2
Comments (3)
BOOKMARK
+RECOMMEND
LIKES 0
READS 981
BOOKMARKS 1
Suggest Edits
Login with Facebook or Sign up/Login to comment or bookmark!
< Prev Issue
Next Issue >
Click to load the next chapter
Be the first to like this issue!
×
評《悲》
Essay
Last updated: Dec 29, 2017
Total word count: 1,079
Total reading time: 4 Minutes
評《悲》
Report this story
×
×
Write down what you like about the story
×
Reading Theme:

Font Size:

Line Spacing:

Paragraph Spacing:

Load the next issue automatically


Reset to default

X
×
x
Proceed

x
Before You Publish
Please ensure your story does not contain illegal, hateful, inciting, or violence-promoting content, or any infringing, plagiarized, or spam material, and that it complies with Penana’s Terms of Use.
Penana reserves the right to remove any content that violates these rules or causes legal or community risk, and to suspend or terminate related accounts.
arrow_back
×

Select a reason:

×

Install this webapp for easier offline reading: tap and then Add to home screen.