Interesting story; I like Alice! Also, you should stick to this dialogue format, as having two different characters’ dialogue in the same sentence can be confusing. So I like the new format!
There are a couple switches between past and present tense, though, so just a reminder to keep it constistent. If a dialogue piece follows with “he/she said, whispered, or shouted, etc.” then the dialogue should end with a period. Ex: “OW,” Vine exclaimed (or “he exclaimed.”)
Overall though, this is a pretty good story and very creative! Awesome job; keep writing, Amy!
I'm glad to hear that you like Alice. I was actually afraid that I had made Alice too wise for her age or her behavior unsuitable for her age (As Alice rarely throw tantrums and was obedient for a 10 years old child) since this Alice was based on how I behave when I was very small (Naive, obedient, innocent but can be creative and wise sometimes) so...it's a relief to hear your compliment. The good thing about using folklore as the basis of your story is that if you are imaginative enough or even try your creativity while you are dreaming about the folklore that you have read, everything will sooner or later come to you. It feels like you are walking in your own imagination and the environment always changes wherever you go.
Sadly....creativity like this also depends on your emotion so if you don't have the imaginative feeling yet because you had a tough day or anything, you couldn't continue the story till the end unless you forced your mind to keep going. Sometimes, I cramped my mind to make the story finished as quickly as possible but it didn't work (No other choice but to just take it easy)
Note: Late reply because timezone difference between here and there
There are a couple switches between past and present tense, though, so just a reminder to keep it constistent. If a dialogue piece follows with “he/she said, whispered, or shouted, etc.” then the dialogue should end with a period.
Ex: “OW,” Vine exclaimed (or “he exclaimed.”)
Overall though, this is a pretty good story and very creative! Awesome job; keep writing, Amy!
Sadly....creativity like this also depends on your emotion so if you don't have the imaginative feeling yet because you had a tough day or anything, you couldn't continue the story till the end unless you forced your mind to keep going. Sometimes, I cramped my mind to make the story finished as quickly as possible but it didn't work (No other choice but to just take it easy)
Note: Late reply because timezone difference between here and there