The dialogue in this story always comes off really natural and realistic; it's somehow comforting in a sense. And I like how Martin's and Brodie's backstories showed how they were completely different when they were little kids. I honestly felt a little bad for Brodie, poor guy. :(
I think the only thing I'd say to maybe work on is when a character dialogue is followed by, say, "I asked" or "he continued", stuff like that, would be to end it in a comma, not a period. EX: "And that leads to his wish, I guess," I summarized.
The only time you don't have to do this is when a character takes action after speaking. EX: "Yup there never WAS a next summer." Baxter smirks (there was also a tense change here - it should be smirked instead.)
But aside from that, this is a really cool story so far and it has me intrigued! Looking forward to reading more of it!
Thank you so much for the kind words! I appreciate you catching those errors too, my teacher always used to say "red ink means love"; if you have corrections, it means you were reading it thoroughly :) I'll do some edits and fix my grammar as soon as I get off shift. All the best, and look forward to what's coming ;) --Gironashi
I think the only thing I'd say to maybe work on is when a character dialogue is followed by, say, "I asked" or "he continued", stuff like that, would be to end it in a comma, not a period.
EX: "And that leads to his wish, I guess," I summarized.
The only time you don't have to do this is when a character takes action after speaking. EX: "Yup there never WAS a next summer." Baxter smirks (there was also a tense change here - it should be smirked instead.)
But aside from that, this is a really cool story so far and it has me intrigued! Looking forward to reading more of it!
- Cheeto ❤
I'll do some edits and fix my grammar as soon as I get off shift. All the best, and look forward to what's coming ;)
--Gironashi