Hullo, so I know you didn’t ask for it, but I helped with some grammatical error. I have a few tips; 1//Your character is ‘smiling’ and ‘looking’ too much in the first paragraphs. Maybe use of different words? But it also sounds as though he's vain… 2//I think you’re detailing his every move a little too much. Some details seem too trivial to note. 3//The use of ‘as though’ sounds better than ‘as if’. The use of ‘child’ is better than ‘kid’. You may extend abbreviations rather than using ‘I’ve’ to make it sound better. 4//You switch between past and present tense a bit and forget to use past participle. 5//Doesn’t the king have specific servants to dress him (not necessarily, its your choice)? Oh I didn’t quite expect to find a good joke in there >.> Fufu Lidia has talks. You described the first chapter well yet it is somehow not That captivating. I’m interested to go on but I’m worried you might be caught up in unnecessary details again. Outside of that, you have a solid start, and a memorable protagonist who seems likeable.
Thank you so much for the tips and kind words! with my style of writing I usually just write really fast with whatever comes to mind. it's great for making long chapters and things like that, but it often leads to me over detailing most things and a fair bit of grammar/spelling mistakes. ill make sure to take a good look through the next chapter with your tips in mind! due to my little experience however it's hard for me to notice these mistakes myself so it's always helpful whenever I get comments like this!
1//Your character is ‘smiling’ and ‘looking’ too much in the
first paragraphs. Maybe use of different words? But it also sounds as though he's vain…
2//I think you’re detailing his every move a little too much. Some details seem too trivial to note.
3//The use of ‘as though’ sounds better than ‘as if’. The use of ‘child’ is better than ‘kid’. You may extend abbreviations rather than using ‘I’ve’ to make it sound better.
4//You switch between past and present tense a bit and forget to use past participle.
5//Doesn’t the king have specific servants to dress him (not necessarily, its your choice)?
Oh I didn’t quite expect to find a good joke in there >.> Fufu Lidia has talks.
You described the first chapter well yet it is somehow not That captivating. I’m interested to go on but I’m worried you might be caught up in unnecessary details again. Outside of that, you have a solid start, and a memorable protagonist who seems likeable.