I've only read halfway through whilst editing but I dont want to forget...
I'm sure you've noticed, but throughout the story and halfway through you switch between present and past tense often, which isnt a big problem atleast.
I think the relationship between Zayne and Phoenix is overdone and makes me cringe at the very obvious potential cliché. The relationship between the two lovers in contrast, felt very shallow.
Its really well written, enough conversation interjected with enough description and actions... however, a few of the times I think the sentences dont need to be quite so long. It's okay to break them up into two simple sentences for effect but also simply for easier reading.
I wish I could comment in between the lines to point out a few things; stating that the two main characters had grown distant was very bewildering as you staggered ample evidence contrary to this. I also wanted to point out that her dashing off to the fields when Zayne was caught made me chuckle.
I think the story and details is going too good for the plot point shown so far, to be a simple pre arranged marriage. I know its still building but I felt there should be a more dominating antagonist and more foreshadowing to other plot elements. What dangerous creatures could they come across in the journey? What other news or dangers is going on in the kingdom? What are the laws of the land?
Outside of the misanthropy and archery, i didn't get a flush idea of the type of fantasy world they are living in. I just concluded it was a medieval setting in some way? The fault may just lie with me however. But maybe if you described their general apparel, abodes, meals, I would understand better.
I truly love your choice of words and I enjoyed reading and editing. Made me feel important v//v Sorry if this seemed harsh and excessive... maybe im a better critic than a writer so im not flawless either. Maybe others would disagree with me too!. Hope I helped~
I'm sure you've noticed, but throughout the story and halfway through you switch between present and past tense often, which isnt a big problem atleast.
I think the relationship between Zayne and Phoenix is overdone and makes me cringe at the very obvious potential cliché. The relationship between the two lovers in contrast, felt very shallow.
Its really well written, enough conversation interjected with enough description and actions... however, a few of the times I think the sentences dont need to be quite so long. It's okay to break them up into two simple sentences for effect but also simply for easier reading.
I wish I could comment in between the lines to point out a few things; stating that the two main characters had grown distant was very bewildering as you staggered ample evidence contrary to this. I also wanted to point out that her dashing off to the fields when Zayne was caught made me chuckle.
I think the story and details is going too good for the plot point shown so far, to be a simple pre arranged marriage. I know its still building but I felt there should be a more dominating antagonist and more foreshadowing to other plot elements. What dangerous creatures could they come across in the journey? What other news or dangers is going on in the kingdom? What are the laws of the land?
Outside of the misanthropy and archery, i didn't get a flush idea of the type of fantasy world they are living in. I just concluded it was a medieval setting in some way? The fault may just lie with me however. But maybe if you described their general apparel, abodes, meals, I would understand better.
I truly love your choice of words and I enjoyed reading and editing. Made me feel important v//v Sorry if this seemed harsh and excessive... maybe im a better critic than a writer so im not flawless either. Maybe others would disagree with me too!. Hope I helped~