So I actually really enjoyed the description you had on the swimming moment, that was really well done. I think the only problem there was, uhm was the constant change between past and present tenses.
Paragraph one and three were in past tense but then the fourth paragraph and onwards were in present tense.
Hey! Thanks for the feedback! I do plan on having a professional editor and proofreader check over my work before I go ahead and publish my work. In other words, this is just a draft to gain/grow an audience before publishing. ☺️
@RRJ Beattie, Absolutely! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the description for the swimming scene! ☺️ If you have any more suggestions for improvement feel free to point them out!
Paragraph one and three were in past tense but then the fourth paragraph and onwards were in present tense.