This is a good one. I like the way it was being narrated and the comments here and there made the walls of text quite enjoyable. I see that this story is heavily appointed for females, but that isn't the issue. The issue is that you put in side-characters that are quite complex for a one-shot but decided to never show them again. You could've prevented this by writihg their conversation in the part where they begin to suspect the MC. Also the thing that was bugging me was the lack of flags that made the MC fall for Bloody Cedric (that's what I decided on calling him if you don't mind). I mean, yeah he has some charming points but it doesn't give that much impact. Plus, the part where the MC was reading a novel in the book store, I thought she was itching for him to scurry off but instead /she/ asked him about where he came from etc.
nevertheless, it's a good and quite solid oneshot. Keep up the good work!
I think this was fine, though I do find that whole 'person says they don't need a lover, but then fall in love' idea has been done before from the girl characters I used to watch as a kid (if the girls weren't already crushing on the main guy). Another concept I found jarring was the character consistency. You were able to keep people in character for the most part, but sometimes... It was like Summer told us one thing, but they did something else (i.e she says she not interested in love, but then says she is). I think it has to do with either some diction choice, or that some paragraphs could've been shown over told. One example is the sisters' introductions: you info-dumped us with who they are, but there's little else about them than coming across as one-dimentional hive-minded plot-devices. I honestly don't really like them much. You think that they would know about Summer's 7th Grade Confession Mishap, but not even one of them brings it up or shows their view on the matter. They come across as teenagers then actual young adults (then again, I don't know what girls talk about when they get into groups...). Also, if you do wish to rewrite this, I recommend changing the names. They don't appear to serve much of a function and no one even comments on the oddity. Maybe instead of calling her Winter, you could name that sister after it's traits (there's plenty of names that mean snow, cold, and white). Now I'll end this with the good stuff: I found Summer a likable and relate able character. She's a pretty complex girl with her own experiences. I know what it's like seeming to have the world up in your business with intimacy and that no one will be happy or complete unless their either crushing, kissing, or screwing with someone (one of the reasons I don't like Romance). And despite what I said before, you wrote out a sweet, adorkable relationship between Cedric and Summer fitting for their age and personalities. That's all I can write for now. I do recommend you get other people to look at this and get their views for more insight. I hope this helps.
@Monos D.O.A, It actually does. It's good to have these constructive criticism so I could improve my story and such. After going through it again, I suppose I could understand your points as I too felt that the story is quite weak in some sense. I shall ask others to view and give me their insights as well on this :) Thank you for commenting! :D
nevertheless, it's a good and quite solid oneshot. Keep up the good work!
Now I'll end this with the good stuff: I found Summer a likable and relate able character. She's a pretty complex girl with her own experiences. I know what it's like seeming to have the world up in your business with intimacy and that no one will be happy or complete unless their either crushing, kissing, or screwing with someone (one of the reasons I don't like Romance). And despite what I said before, you wrote out a sweet, adorkable relationship between Cedric and Summer fitting for their age and personalities.
That's all I can write for now. I do recommend you get other people to look at this and get their views for more insight. I hope this helps.
Thank you for commenting! :D