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EnnaStark
Nice first chapter. It drew me in and made me personally relate to the character. I'm a bit socially awkward myself so I thought it was quite relatable. You could expand on the descriptions a little more. Have a bit of action between characters, more than just background intro. Have something else happen that displays how the characters interact with each other a bit more. Otherwise it's really good!
8 years agoReply
Monos Alba
First off, you wrote up a great summary intro. There is a good symbolism (Time) and a great hook that makes me want to read more (amazing, considering this is a Romance)! As for this first issue... You have experience with writing in 1st person. You can really get in their head and make the reader feel their personality and subjectivity through the narration. For one thing to improve on right now: Show, don't Tell. What could make this issue better is a conversation in the group, to which the protagonist is merely going through the motions. Or show us Protag in an awkward interaction with someone. I also wonder what they mean by 'juice coloured'...
8 years agoReply
alylalalyssa
thanks! lol I really needed that. Oh um, juice colored . . . is kind of a Filipino expression that literally means 'Oh my god'. :)
8 years agoReply
Monos Alba
@alylalalyssa,... That. Is so cool.
8 years agoReply
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