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Ramen Noodles
Hmmm, this was a great attention to detail but I feel the issues at hand were definitely more subtle than needed. I feel that you are focusing on telling a story through imagery and details, without dialogue or words. So one thing you could take a step to do is describe what each person is individually doing and not just their looks. In an uncomfortable situation we often find our eyes wondering, making very short idle chat, moving anxiously, sighing, not paying attention at all, and perhaps even their feelings though not too directly as your details should entail that already. You could even attempt short dialogue to emphasize the uncomfortable situation; short and sweet I may add. And lastly, maybe flesh out the parents' ignorance a bit more or even the character's physique and what their looks say about them personally. I can see the stark contrast, now go deeper!
9 年前回覆
HeyItsDoe
Thank you for the feedback! I might look into reworking it at a later time. I just have to think about what to change! :)
9 年前回覆
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