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Comments - 等餘暉降落 | Penana
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Comments - 等餘暉降落
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小邁
場景又回到學校了～
3 weeks agoReply
半口雲
好久不見！！🥹🫶🏻
時隔幾個章節再度回到熟悉的學校，看來有些東西已經不同了呢⋯⋯😆
3 weeks agoReply
小邁
@半口雲,  最近雖然追得慢了些，但我還在默默讀著😆 這幾章讀下來，生活氣息很重，可以清楚看到江肆一步步淪陷的過程～ 不過有個小地方想提一下：有些形容詞好像出現得有點頻繁，像是「生得極為好看」、「深邃／漆黑的眼睛」，主要常出現在江肆身上。我覺得前面已經把江肆的形象塑造得很成功了，這些外在的描寫可以換個說法、或者乾脆刪掉，讀起來可能會更順暢一些～
3 weeks agoReply
半口雲
@小邁,感謝建議！我後面也發現我常寫這類形容詞，原本只是想突出他真的很帥，讓讀者能夠代入他的長相，更容易進到故事劇情裡，沒想到使用的太過頻繁，導致讀起來較為不順暢🥹太謝謝你了！我以後會注意噠！(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
3 weeks agoReply
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