I really like your writing style. I can hear the voice in this story too. Well done. 

I read this chapter again and I'm just reminded of how awestruck I was reading this. It was definitely one of those pieces that is so strong and moving. It reminded me of when I first read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. There was beauty in the way you wrote this chapter and damn this alone could make a really great one-off piece. I tried reading it aloud with expressions of course and it was so beautiful, the pacing and the use of words were rightly timed. Maybe I'll record myself one day reading this chapter alone. This was a really beautiful piece Andrew.

I've only read this first chapter so far, but I think I'll like the rest of the story already. I love the way you gave quite a bit of Puck's backstory without making the reader feel like a huge amount of info was just dumped onto them. The way you were able to tie the end of the chapter to the beginning (seemingly) effortlessly was amazing. Also, I really enjoyed the vocabulary you added in, even though I didn't get to read this story before you started revising it. (I think my own vocabulary will grow quite considerably thanks to this story.) I'm definitely looking forward to the rest of this story.

I'm trying to spread the theme of "words" throughout the work in the revisions, to help develop Puck and his role as a narrator a little more. We'll see how it goes!

I noticed you added some single words to the new revision. They give a few taste to it. I think some vocabularies are a bit too difficult for average readers to quickly get the meaning, but I think it helps to show Puck's talent on writing:) Carry on!